Saturday, December 29, 2012

We're all in the Same Boat

The other day I was given a name of a 'new' shadchan, with amazing reviews-Kinda like a movie, minus the '2 thumbs up'. But because I've been in the system for a while, I usually just listen whilst rolling my eyes, I mean, aren't they all the same? Isn't every shadchan 'a-m-a-z-i-n-g' and big deal if they made a really great shidduch recently (what makes a shidduch 'great' as opposed to the regular shidduchim they make anyway?). Honestly, I feel that they are all the same=a waste of time. OK, I know that sounded really negative, so I apologize, but just so you get the picture, I've spent numerous weekends, vacations, days, etc. traveling to New York/Toronto/Israel, etc. to meet Shadchanim. The time/effort/money spent, not to mention the emotions, etc. just to get 10 minutes or less of time to sit down with someone, go through all your information, take photos, some times paying the shadchan/shidduch group and then to get NOTHING, not a date, not a phone call, not even a returned phone call. Some have answering machines that even tell you not to leave a voicemail! They take your money but don't answer your emails/texts. They agree (after you BEG them) to meet you but don't even have any boys (your type). Shouldn't they just quickly ask on the phone, or tell you on the phone BEFORE you travel down to meet them about what type of boys they have and what type of shadchan/shidduch group they are?
In any case, so I got the number and made an appointment to go meet the Shadchan. When speaking to the person who arranges the meetings (yes, it sounded like there was a designated 'secretary'), I asked to have the last appointment. I requested this so I wouldn't have to 'wait around' with other singles, or perhaps people I know, or the 'fresh outta sem' girls with their mothers....
At the appointed time, I walked in and the 'secretary' spoke with me for a while, getting to know me, etc. She then showed me into the den/office to meet with the Shadchan. We met, we spoke, I answered all questions and was wished good luck and promised I would be 'worked on'. I walked out as I walked in-with no expectations. Only, as I left the den, I was looking at numerous young girls. By young I mean, 18 or maybe even 18 1/2, some with their fathers, some with mothers and one with both her parents. I knew a few of them and it was sort of humiliating. I can't explain the feeling-but it is embarrassing enough to have to 'sell' yourself to all these shadchans/people, but when you're like in your late twenties/close to thirty and you see these little 'pishers' walk in with their freshly blowdried hair, kakalength skirts, seminary 'hashkafos' and their parents, it's like-no words can describe how much more humiliating it is. It would've been more sensitive, to have in fact, given me the last appointment, as I requested, but at the same time-is it inSANE that parents have to take their kids who are maybe just turned 18 to a Shadchan?
Guess, we're all in the same boat here. How insane!

Monday, December 24, 2012

The Ultimate First Date Mistakes

We all have what to learn from this article ('we' meaning the guys)

While first dates can be nerve-wracking, be sure you don't make matters worse with these blunders. (Thinkstock …
Every relationship starts with a first date – those often-awkward encounters where two people try and suss out whether they’re right for each other. But if you’re wondering why so many first-time meetings don’t lead to second-time trysts, it could be because of the following errors:

You turn into the Hulk when something goes awry
Regardless of how diligent you might be about planning the perfect evening together, hiccups are a fact of life. If the restaurant’s cook called in sick and your meal is taking forever, don’t freak out at the server. It will leave the lady believing you’re unable to deal with small annoyances without falling into a rage. There’s nothing wrong with being assertive, but a vein popping out of your forehead is unsexy. A Men’s Health poll suggests that 77 per cent of women find the ability to laugh off such daily stresses an “essential trait” in men.
Your Mr. Nice Guy act is too whatever
On the exact opposite side of the personality spectrum, there’s the easy-going dude who is accommodating to the point of frustration. As CA Prescott explains in Yahoo! Voices, repeating your date’s opinions is not just boring, it obscures who you are. Being able to compromise is an excellent trait, but deflecting with an “It’s up to you” for every aspect of the night shows a lack of enthusiasm and personality. “Ultimately, if you want women to be attracted to you, and if you are sincerely seeking a long term relationship you need to be yourself and be honest about your desires,” Prescott says.
You turn the getting-to-know-you chat into the Spanish Inquisition
Job interviews and dating have a lot in common: you need to dress your best, listen carefully and ask the right questions. And while asking your date questions is a must, there’s no need for a rapid-fire interrogation. Fast and furious questions about where she sees herself in five years, the length of her last relationship, and whether she wants kids will make her feel like she’s auditioning for the role of girlfriend. If the conversation isn’t happening organically, there’s less opportunity for chemistry.
Your follow-up plan is lacking
There’s nothing more transparent than the game-theory move of waiting three days after a date to call. It’s far better to display confidence and interest by following up the next day or two and asking for another date. If you feel fireworks, try not to overcompensate by planning your next month together. As Julie Spira explains on, mapping out your new life together after just one meeting will make you seem needy. “Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better.”
By  | Infused – Mon, 17 Dec, 2012 5:28 PM EST

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Does Being Nice Mean You're Interested?

I have this thing where I'm polite. Well, atleast on dates I am. I was brought up to always treat people like a Mentch and I'm proud that in all my years dating all sorts of guys from crazy to normal, rude to proper, wild to calm, etc. I have treated all my dates properly. 
Even when the guy walked in through the door and I knew right away that it wasn't shayach, I sweated through the THREE hour date, put on a (fake) smile, looked interested and tried to make conversation. Whether I was dropped off at my door or across the street, whether the guy sped off the minute I got out or was left at the subway, I thanked them each time and wished them a good evening.
Even when the guys I dated had no money on them, I laid it out. When they were coming to my hometown, I politely offered housing, driving directions, eateries and Minyanim at all nearby Shuls.
Yes, I can proudly say I have treated each one the way a person deserves to be treated. After all, it's not their fault that I was set up with someone totally not what I was looking for (at all!) It's not their fault that got them into this mess and you never know how things come around, so it can't hurt to be polite....or can it?
My friend, Rochele is overly friendly. Anyone she bumps into, instantly becomes her bestie. The guy at the coffee shop, at the bus stop, her mailman, etc. She is easy to talk to, down-to-earth and very friendly. The thing is, people think that because she's nice and makes conversation, that it means she's interested in them. This, I consider to be detrimental.
I remember going to a Chanuka party with her years back. It was a mixed event and our third friend, Estie, asked us to 'crash' and keep her company. We walked in together and sat down. I went to find Estie and when I got back it was like we were seated in between 3 single guys. One was your typical 'looser', another 'ultra nerdy' and a third just looked like a 45 yr old without friends, a beer belly and in need of some hygenic education. I smiled, said hi and kept talking to her. But, because Rochele is a friendly person, she spoke with each one (making them each feel like the only guy in the room), asked about them, their jobs, their families, etc. Within 10 minutes you could've seen the drool hanging from each of them. In fact, I, sitting next to them was uncomfortable. Rochele, being the way she is, was totally oblivious. She just thought she was being nice & friendly. In fact, she even asked why I was a bit reserved. That's when we had the talk.

Hence the typical Shadchan response to a terribly-off date 'the guy really had a great time and is definitely interested in going out again.....what?...are you sure because he really liked didn't have anything to talk about? he said he felt the date went very well...'
Now, I learned my lesson. I still remain polite and nice and sweet and 'pretend' I'm interested. When the Shadchan gives me the above excuse and gets to a pushy point (what can you lose to go out again? just try for one more NEVER know...) I remain calm and tell her 'well of course he thought I was interested-I wasn't going to IGNORE him, or ask me to take him home early. I wasn't going to hang out in the bathroom making phone calls and texting, nor was I going to chat up the waiters for the next hour. I was brought up to treat people like a Mentch and that's why he felt I was interested. 
(ok, maybe not in those words, but usually it's condensed into one simple phrase)

So, guys, do you rather the girl be upfront and honest (which can sometimes be brutal-not even giving you a chance within the first hour) and ACT as if they're not interested, or would you rather just have a good date that ends at that?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Can you take a Break from Dating?

This discussion comes up so often that it's almost humorous to me each time someone brings it up. It seems that guys are often 'on break' from dating, or just 'took a break' from dating, etc. But when a girl wants to take a break-how dare she do so?
Does anyone understand how emotionally draining it is, not to mention everything else she has to do. Some girls have to move heaven & earth just to actual GET a date. Others and their parents spend time phoning people each and every night. Some cry as boys keep saying no to their profile/picture. Whilst others are being told by Shadchanim what they should/shouldn't do in order to actual get a guy to agree to take them out on one date. 
One Shadchan once confided in me that it was so hard for guys to agree to take out girls that he sometimes has to offer them cash incentives to take girls out. Yep-I kid you not, and when the Shadchan told me this, I begged me not to ever 'bribe' a guy to take me out (I would happily pay for my own coffee & parking).
So when I read this post it just made me so happy. You see, my motto is, I rather go out with 3 decent guys in an entire year, than date 30 guys who either treat me like trash, are rude, totally not for me (what was she/he even thinking to set me up with someone like THIS), make you feel like they were forced to go out with you, ignore you, make you insane (and not in the loving kind of way), mess up your schedule by rescheduling your date (within 1 hour before), etc.
So yes, it is indeed nice to have a break. I believe most Jewish singles need it for their sanity. Too much dating can get to you. Trust me. We single girls must keep up our appearances, remain polite & mentchlech whilst always being happy (even when deep down it can be sad & depressing and all our friends are busy with their husbands and kids) and content with our lot in life. It can be difficult and it is difficult, so a break from dating should be RECOMMENDED to all. Sometimes you need a breather, you need to step back, enjoy life, forget about your worries and just 'chill'.
Girls are more sensitive and emotional. Dating is much more for them than it is for guys, so please just give them/us a break. Let us take a break once in a while and not get heck for it.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Two-Date Out-of-Town Standard

For all of you OOTers, you understand what the two-date standard means. For those of you lucky New York area'ers' it means that when someone travels for an out-of-town date, there is a two-date standard, meaning if date #1 goes well, then date #2 will prob. be the next day/night until the girl/guy has to travel back.
As an out-of-towner, that means booking your flights/train/car/bus for a minimum of two day/night stay to wherever you are traveling to give the Shidduch enough chance for both sides to know whether there is something worth traveling for, should they wish to proceed. From there, the guy/girl who didn't travel for dates #1 & #2 will usually do the traveling for dates #3 & #4 and so forth. Of course, not everything is a standard rule and, with all rules, there are exceptions. But this mini-explanation was to give all of you who are not so familiar with how out-of-town dating works, a small understanding.
Whilst I've been on the market for quite some time now, I'm used to all this. However, I did experience the most unusual request recently. I traveled for a date and went out with the guy twice. I wasn't so excited at all and even decided not to proceed as there was much more negative than positive. I was told the guy was interested but wouldn't travel in. Oh well, his loss. I was ok with not continuing period. 
In the end, he happened to have had a Simcha (yay for friend's surprise lchaim) and decided since he was coming in to surprise his friend at his engagement party and would be here anyway that he wanted to go out. I was hesitant but the Shadchan was pushy and I thought it couldn't hurt and perhaps things would be different on different 'turf'. I literally got a call in the morning notifying me of the last minute drive-in surprise l'chaim crash and was told to find housing. I rushed around and finally found housing. Once we went out I was notified that he planned on staying for the week. Yes, folks, no two-date standard here-more like vacation tourguide. 
I was floored. This had never happened before. Most people had plans. Most people gave advanced notice, and yes, most guy have jobs/lives/responsibilities. This was not December 25th weekend, nor was it New Years, or midwinter break. This was smack in middle of the year. 
Oh, and for those of you giving the benefit of the doubt-this guy was indeed from an out-of-town community as well and well into his years of Shidduch dating. 
I was going crazy trying to find a place for him to stay for that long. People thought I was nuts. My usual 'housing people' were like, WHAT!?!?!? so many days?!?! why?!?! it's not fair to either of you (let alone them-the 'housers').
In any case, he did stay out his entire welcome. Things didn't work out and I acted as tour guide. Another push pin on his map of travels....or another one of his Shidduch conquests?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Eight Dates in Eight Days?

I wanted to dare all you readers out there (unless....wait...has this been done already?!?!) to see if you can get eight dates in eight days in honor of the Eight Days/Nights of Chanuka. 
Wouldn't that be cool?
Wouldn't it be even more awesome if atleast ONE of those dates worked out?
Why hasn't any of the so-called 'shidduch groups' thought of this incentive? Even asking people to set up 'Eight (separate) dates' in eight days. I mean, where is the creativity these days?
I see about a dozen 'segula' advertisements in the Jewish papers/magazines, online. Odd that no one came up with a Chanuka themed Shidduch incentive. Especially as it is a cheerful Holiday, around the time of 'vacation' for the working class citizens who work in the real world and get off atleast two days/weekends in December....and the fact that there are Chanuka 'gifts' makes dating a whole lot more fun. That, as well as all the cool activities/places to go around this time year (all the trees, lights, sparkly/shiny/glittery things, skating, ice sculptures, etc).
Anyway, just thought I'd throw it out there. 
Anyone who is up to the challenge, please let us know how it went if either you were setting someone up or you, yourself have been set up.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Submit a Shidduch Name and you might WIN $500!!

Is this a joke?
Did anyone get this mass email, and if so, does anyone know what its all about??
(hope no one sends in my name and resume)

Get The Word Out with  -   Call 212-564-4309
Having trouble viewing this email? View it 
Submit a shidduch name and resume. If Shidduch is made, win $500

Reason for Being Single?

I was at my friend Huvi's house when her mother motioned for her to pick up the phone which was ringing. As I watched her and her mom walk away with the phone I couldn't help but wonder what was going on but knowing her, I figured it had something to do with a shidduch.
When Huvi came back half smirking she explained what happened. It seemed a shadchan called to redd her a shidduch but before she could give main specifics about the boy she gave his age (between 25-30), followed by: 'you wanna know the reason why he's still single and not married yet?'
Immediately Huvi stopped her to tell her she wasn't going to even ask why he was single. Why do people need a reason? It's all part of the 'master plan' and if that's not reason enough then the world has gone mad!

Monday, November 26, 2012

It's Not for Me. Period.

Ever get asked why you said no to a shidduch? What about in an ongoing Shidduch-ever get asked why you are willing to stop dating at whatever point you are up to?
Well, most singles I've known, including the author of this blog, usually try to get away with a simple 'thanks, but it's not for me'. Usually though-the simple 'it's not for me' is not enough for the typical Shadchan. They want to know why, and additional specifics as to what made you come to your decision. Perhaps they can change your mind, or shed light on the situation. Here's a few comments I've heard about from Shadchan in response to a single's reasoning for saying no:
Single: he's a big on the 'big/heavy' side and I'm not comfortable with it
Shadchan: well, of course-he's single so he's always eating take-out and non-healthy stuff. As soon as he gets married and settle down, he will have a more scheduled day and a wife to cook him proper suppers and keep him on track-he'll lose the weight soon after marriage, you will see-they all do

Single: he's too quiet for me
Shadchan: he lives at home and his mother does most of the talking for him, but once he's out of the house and running his own home, you will see how he won't be that quiet.

Single: He doesn't really have a proper job yet....
Shadchan: he's single, so he can/his parents can afford for him to have side jobs-once he's married though, he's made it clear he will take on a more steady job. Of course, he's also looking for a girl who will push him in that direction...

Single: he doesn't really have a set seder/chavrusa/chabura
Shadchan: it's hard for a guy living on his own to set time aside each day/few times a week and keep on schedule. You have the power to change that. A man needs his wife at his side to push him to go learn. With the proper support from you, he will have a set learning time...

Above are just a few 'scrapings' of comments I heard. I don't want to get carried away though, the point of this post is that unless there are serious concerns involved and you feel the Shadchan should know of them for the sake of setting this guy up in the future, the best thing is to keep it simple and say 'it's just not for me'. Going through all the bad points (keep in mind, what's considered 'bad' to you, may be perfectly acceptable to others...) and speaking to the Shadchanim of the guy's terrible personality/manners, but come back to haunt you.
I do believe that (again), if the personality/manners are an issue that you believe will affect other dates-say them, but if it won't make a difference to the shadchan (either they are doing this ONCE off, or don't really know the guy, or just happened across a resume, etc) don't go through specifics. 
I was set up once by a distant family member of mine. Yes, she sorta knew me/had seen me at Simchas and had set me up. Needless to say it was a most terrible experience. When I called her to tell her it wasn't for me she asked for reasons. I was soo upset (this being, almost straight after my horrible date) that I spilled out every feeling I had during my date. A few months later I heard that this boy's mother was going around telling everyone I ruined his name by saying such and such. Trust me-you don't want that happening to you and you never know who will repeat what. So keep it simple & straight to the point-stick with the title and you will be ok.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Tall=Good Looking

OK all you handsome young men out there, and all you TALL young men out there: PLEASE do NOT get offended by this post. In no way, am I referring to anyone specific....

Here's the deal, I'm a single bais yaakov girl, in the Shidduch parsha for quite a few years already. I'm looking to settle down with the right guy and get myself off the market. As a human being, yes, there are specific 'types' that I'm attracted to more than others. However, I will never say no to a guy if he doesn't fit in that box (unless, it is an extreme case=werewolves anyone?). If I think a guy is average looking, or I'm really not that into his look, I will not say no if everything else about him, as well as his info checks out. You see for me, it's personality that really attracts me, and as much as I want a cute/hot/goodlooking guy like the next girl, in the back of my mind I ain't expecting that. Models are for ads, actors are for TV and all other guys are for dreaming/wishing/hoping. I assume I'll marry an average or even-below average looking guy who will be the greatest, warmest, cutest, funniest, sweetest, honest, sincere, and nicest guy and his personality will win me over and yes, I will be attracted to him, but he will never be 'that picture of a guy' I have in mind. Therefore, out of fairness, I give everyone a chance.
I've been hearing that aLOT of guys just tick girls off the list. They can be skinny, pretty, goodlooking, attractive, but if she is not 'blond', or '5"4" or size 2 waist=check marks the 'not for me' box by the guy who it was suggested for.
At the same time-getting to the point of this post, most people think/assume that a tall guy=a good looking guy. True, sometimes it can be the case, but not always so. The last few guys that were suggested to me happened to have been tall. They also happened to have been described as 'tall and goodlooking. I am not that picky in terms of looks, but sheesh-disappointment is the nicest way to describe my feelings when the guy showed up at the door.
We're talking about large-larger than life. We're talking about a need of porcelain veneers, maybe a hair cut? maybe a shave? perhaps a facelift? I know it sounds sooo superficial, but like I said-always give the guy a chance. Yet, when you are repulsed to your stomach-it's sorta hard to.
So, all you out there-please be honest. Either way, we will go out with the guy and SEE him for ourselves, a little honesty would go a long way and perhaps save either the guy/girl if not both, a lot of disappointment & anguish.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Shidduchim Groups

I have a certain opinion of the so-called Shidduch groups that have formed over the past few years. I won't share it on this blog, just in case I insult anyone, but let's just say I am not too fond of them. Yes, I have had to succumb and meet with them, speak with them, hand over numerous copies of my resume as well as photos. Each time I make a call/send an email, I am asked to send my information over and remind them every so often, yet how often do they actual set me up?!?! probably close to nill. I can go through all my sent items and see the numerous (one-way) correspondence with these so-called groups. I just don't get if I'm the only one who feels this way? Did anyone ever find them successful?
I was in touch with a specific group recently, informing them that I am available for dating and traveling if need be. I got an automated response to the likes of 'pay up, complete the form and it will get sent to our system, etc.' I was shocked as I had paid up the first time round, and I did fill out their form, etc. but in the past, I have always corresponded with one 'shadchan' from their group and now she sent an automated email? I had decided to play it down and sent a polite message asking if it would be possible to meet with the group (suggesting I travel down for them and provided them with dates, weeks in advance when I would be able to travel to meet). I had not heard back from the group for almost 3 weeks since that email. 
So, I did the next thing-I phoned. There was no answer. I left a message that I had not heard back. This is what happened:
The next day, I received a call from the 'shadchan', who was really upset to say the least. She explained that now all emails go through the 'secretary', who has her own email address. I was asked to send my info to the secretary, and was read my rights by phone. I listened patiently and when she was done with her 'telling-me-off', I politely informed her that I had sent her the email, as I had always sent only to her in the past and to which she, herself had responded in the past. She was dumbfounded.
Needless to say, I still have not heard back, even upon suggesting creative ways to meet/speak, not one of the people in the group made any effort to call, or even try to arrange anything.
So much for these Shidduch groups.
Am I the only one who thinks they are just for a group of yentas to meet up once a week for coffee?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Same Name? Different Game

So this guy goes to my dad in Shul and congratulates him. We've had this before-the 'kugel-bringers-overs', well-wishers, y'know, when there is somehow a mixup or someone saw me on a date and assumed something and then we get Mazel Tovs, etc.
My dad was confused and asked the reason for the congrats. The guy explained-a girl with the same name as me got engaged. 
We never heard of someone else with the same name as me, have no relatives with the same first/last name as me, and lucky for me-my name is soo uncommon that even, I can't believe someone else is out there with the same name. Yes, she lives in a different city, state, country. Yes-her status is/was different (apparently she was divorced). But hey, in the Shidduch game, there are 2 girls, both from out of town places, both with the same uncommon name, both with the 'single' status, so we can easily get mixed up.
Hence the congratulations.
Now a whole lotta puzzle pieces are started to fall into place, i.e. guys who said they've 'heard of/dated me' before but who I have no remembrance, or record of. 
Well, hopefully now I will be known as the only single girl with my name, or atleast no resemblance of the other girl and things will work out well.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The 10 Most Common Lies in Online Dating Profiles

Think his online dating profile sounds too good to be true? There's reason to be suspect: Most people are dishonest on dating sites. In fact, a study conducted by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Cornell University found that 80% of online daters lie about their height, weight or age. The older you are, though, the less likely you are to fib, according to a study commissioned by, an online dating site where users are voted into the community. Here, we examine the most frequent fabrications, how to spot them in others' profiles and why they're not worth including in yours. 

1. Height Both sexes tell tall tales, but men are more than twice as likely to (literally) stretch the truth. Twenty-two percent of guys and 10% of women in the poll admitted to fibbing here. But the actual numbers may be higher. The UW/Cornell study measured participants in person and found more than 50% were untruthful about their heights in their online profiles, with guys fibbing "significantly more." Who can blame them? "Everyone knows women prefer tall men on the whole," says Erika Ettin, who founded A Little Nudge to coach people on their online dating profiles. And a study from dating site OkCupid confirms taller men receive more messages. The same study shows shorter women get the attention, so it's ill-advised to pad your numbers. 

2. Weight "People lie to embellish themselves, but not be liars," says Catalina Toma, PhD, an assistant professor of communication science who conducted the UW/Cornell study. "Weight fluctuates to some degree," which is why it's a popular characteristic about which to fib. The UW/Cornell study found women and men subtract 8.5 and 1.5 pounds, respectively, on average. Rather than be dishonest, skip over the weight question, recommends Ettin, who points out that people carry their pounds differently. Instead, Ettin suggests truthfully answering the body type question, which most sites ask with a dropdown menu of limited options like "slender" and "stocky." 

3. Physique If it seems like the majority of men on dating sites describe themselves as "athletic and toned," your eyes aren't fooling you-though the guys may be hoping that description will. Photos and activities are better gauges of how in shape your fellow onlie dater is (although as you'll soon see, be careful there as well). As for you, while it can be tough to decide if you're "average" or have "a few extra pounds," you have more to lose by leaving this section blank than by choosing whatever you think is closest. But resist the slender option if it's not your shape. "Your body type should match your picture," says Ettin. "People will know on the first date. You're not going to win over someone by lying." 

4. Age Nearly one-third of men in the study admitted to lying about their age, compared to just 17% of women. Although some varied their dates of birth by as much as ten years, the highest percentage of liars erased or added only a year or two. Ettin says a lot of women round down to the nearest five-year increment to come up in more searches, but she cautions against it. "Eventually you're going to have to tell the truth," she says. 

5. Income When it comes to a man's listed salary, knock off 40% for a more accurate picture, recommends Greg Hodge of An OkCupid study found guys embellish by closer to 20%, but the point is that research confirms that men claim to bring home more bacon than they actually do. "Men in our study thought it was most acceptable to lie about income or occupation than other profile elements," says Dr. Toma. "They know it's important to women." Ettin advises her clients not to answer this question. 

6. Job Type and Title Income isn't the sole career point guys falsify; 42% of men in the survey admitted to lying about some aspect of their job, from their title to how many people they supervise. Women weren't far behind at 32%, but they were more likely than the men to demote themselves. "Some clever women downplay their intelligence," says Hodge. Ettin sees this with her female clients, but she encourages them to tell the truth. "You want to end up with someone who is in awe of what you do." 

7. Lifestyle Other common lies revolve around how online daters spend their money.'s survey found 16% of respondents implied they were better off financially than they really were, with 5% faking how far and wide they've traveled and another 5% bluffing about the type of car they drive. How to spot a liar here? In Dr. Toma's study, these people used fewer "I" statements, so they were more likely to say, "Love to travel" than "I love to travel." It's their way of distancing themselves from their fibs, she explains. Another sign: shorter descriptions. That's because "lying is cognitively taxing," Dr. Toma adds. 

8. Hobbies and Interests "There's a lot of ambiguity users take advantage of," notes Dr. Toma. For example,'s Interests section allows members to check boxes next to sports, but "it doesn't specify if this is something you do often, did in the past or just watch on television," says Dr. Toma. So even those who went ice skating one or twice might check that as an interest. The best advice? Tell the truth. "I once took a woman camping because I remembered her profile said she enjoyed it," says Jonathan, a 39-year-old online dater in San Antonio, TX. "I hate camping, but I wanted to take her because I was into her. Instead, we both had a bad time." 

9. Connections to Celebrities Perhaps the most interesting finding of the survey was that 3.3% of people said they lied in their profiles about knowing celebrities, and 3.7% said they lied about meeting famous people through work. "We're in a celebrity-driven culture," explains Hodge. "It's so much about networking and 'what can this person do for me?' early on, so people try to make themselves sound more interesting by the folks they know." Former online dater Matthew, a 37-year-old from Tampa, FL, says he's done this to impress women. "I once worked on a movie deal and got to take a picture with Matthew McConaughey. I posted the photo because it catches people's attention." 

10. Photographs They say a picture's worth a thousand words-and those words are likely to be lies if the picture's on an online dating profile. Dr. Toma says in self-reports, in which study participants admitted to their own lies, "photographs were identified as the single most deceptive element of the person's profile." Yes, some were unintentionally misleading, thanks to poor camera quality and lighting, but others were purposefully altered through digital editing to be more flattering. Ettin recommends posting three - five pictures. "One should be a good head shot, another a full body shot and another of you doing something interesting," she says. And no photo you post should be more than a year old. You want your date to recognize you when you meet, don't you?

Original article appeared on 

Subway-the new Dating Mode of Transport?

Upon hearing old dating stories from my uncles (they are mid 50s), about how they used to take the subway (no one had cars in those days...) I used to joke that the day a guy would take me on a date by subway-that's when I know it would all go down...
I used to joke. Until one time a good few years back, when I was in Manhattan for a meeting and told that the guy would pick me up at my hotel. Sure enough, I saw a frum guy walk into a hotel, with no other kippah-wearing guy in site-he saw me-the girl dressed tznius with the luggage, and so we walked to one of the famous Manhattan hotel lounges and had a nice evening date. Upon leaving the lounge, the guy asked how I was planning on getting home. Honest-I thought he was kidding. I mean, a date usually means the guy picks you up and takes you home (hopefully, making sure you get home safe?). I never had that question asked to me before, but when I saw he looked serious, and told him I was to fly back that night, and had a car service due to pick me from a friend in Brooklyn, he told me to follow him. So he brisk walked and I quickly ran after him in my straight-skirt, heels, and luggage. I finally got to the turn style, where he told me he guessed I can use his metro car, and I shlepped by suitcase over/through the turn style. Once I realized the reality of the situation (I-SOS, was on a subway on a date!) I sorta had to laugh, but then the guy told me he wouldn't be getting off with me. He explained that he knew alot of people in that part of Brooklyn and being seen with a girl (on a date!) would be too risky, etc. I was appalled at the lack of manners-he was more worried of being spotted with a girl, than ensuring that I get home SAFE. Especially, being an out-of-towner, without much experience on subways...
The guy disappeared, leaving me and some asian women covered in what looked like garbage bags, selling hello kitty school supplies. I saw the stop, got off, shlepped my luggage a good few blocks, then into my friends apartment. I had just a few minutes before the car service showed, called the Shadchan and told her it was a 'no'.
Lately, though, I've heard similar stories-too many. So, my question is-is this considered normal manners in the NYC area, or is this just RUDENESS/laziness on behalf of far too many dates that I've heard about?!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

10 Questions from a Shadchan

I received this from a friend of mine (thanks Leahle). She got a number for this 'Shadchan' and after speaking with the Shadchan, was told to complete this form.
What do you think of it?

1. Marriage- your reasons
    What are the top 3 reasons you want to get married?
2. Marriage- his/her reason
    What are the top 3 reasons you think your future spouse/date wants to get married? (not your reason)
3. The other person -the
    What are the top 3 things you are looking for in your spouse?
4. The other person -the
    What are the top 3 things you DO NOT want your spouse to be or do?
5. Children
    Do you want to still have children? If yes, how many? and Are you capable? How much time after the marriage would you start having children?
6. Anger
    What are the top 3 things that will get you angry? What do you do when you get angry?
7. Trust
    who are the 3 people you trust? (i don't want the names, just who they are, ie; parent, friend, etc.)
8. Financial
    Explain your approach to the "money" aspects of marriage. ie; who is responsible for earning it? seperate checking accts? etc.
9. Dating Laws and expectations?
a) How many dates and how long in time do you think one should date before it can be considered serious?  
(optional) b)  Do u allow touching, kissing, hugging and even sex? Are u expecting it?
10. Roles
      What is your general opinion of the roles of men and women? Who should be the boss?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Oddest Shidduch Descriptions

I am challenging all readers of this blog to post the oddest shidduch description they've ever received. Be it on a dating site, on a shidduch resume, on a self-described personal website of a guy, or of his mom.
Just last week I received another odd description (I kid you not-it is FIVE pages long!) and it really did not describe the guy at all-it was like some kind of abstract poetic themed article. 
So, feel free to post it here. 
If there is anything specific in the description you will post, that can lead someone to know who the description belongs to-please remove that part before posting.
I will be posting some of the weird descriptions I've received personally, as well as some from friends of mine who have forwarded them for this purpose.

Monday, October 22, 2012

River Cafe RIP OFF

Anyone hear/see about this article which was feature in the NY post yesterday?
For one thing, quite of few of my dates have taken me there. It's a really nice, scenic place. However, after reading the article I feel bad for these guys. I mean, I'm an out-of-towner so almost all places I am taken on dates are 'new' to me (except when I've already been there....anyone say Manhattan Marriot Marquis?), but for guys who have dates a few times per week and take the girl to the same place each time, this is very disturbing. Especially the 'usuals', y'know, when you're on a date and the doorman greets the guy by his first name, and most of the staff know him. That means the guy spends almost $100 a week on a couple of drinks. Not to mention parking meters/parking lots, car rentals, and extras.
Therefore, I'd like to apologize to all guys who have taken me to the River Cafe on dates and for having been charged more than the share fare. 
Sorry guys....

Friday, October 19, 2012

If you're Interested-MAKE A MOVE

A few years back (ok, make that more than a few...) when I was obsessed with AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) and Jewish chat rooms, I ran into a situation. You see, back then, there was no myspace or facebook, no twitter or pinterest, and 'shidduch resumes' did NOT exist. The 'facebook' of those days was chat rooms. Me, being interested in learning about them and knowing how they work, but still the cautious, naive, Bais Yaakov girl, started to do some experimenting. I went to a few sites, sat there for a while watching the feed move along, the people entering/exiting the chat rooms, and mostly, observing the chat conversations and learning what the lingo meant (for those who are curious, 'asl?' was the common open line). After some time, the Jewish websites starting boasting their own Jewish chat rooms, with members using the same screen name. 
I don't specifically recall the details, but all I know is that from a chatroom, I met this guy. Obviously I wasn't that naive to EVER give any of my information over, not even a hint of my specific details. He provided his screen name and I provided mine and we chatted through AIM messenger. I learned that he was 'of age' and from what he described, sounded like the type of guy I was looking for. We got chatting more and his description started to sound really familiar to a point where I informed him that I believe he was suggested to me in the past. I asked what his initials were, in order to confirm my suspicions and lo and behold they were exactly as I thought! We sent emails back and forth with our information, once I informed him of his name (when he FREAKED out) and this, I thought, was the way I would get the Shidduch to go ahead. In the past, when he was suggested, he kept saying no. When he told me that he had heard about me and was interested, I asked him why he kept saying no? Usually, someone who is interested does something about it, or atleast gives a yes. Sadly, he informed me that his mother was in charge and she decided who he dated or not. 
At that point, I was amazed and at the same time disappointed. Here we were, two (young) adults, who have heard about each other, were even suggested for each other, both of us were interested in getting to know each other more, but we were being roadblocked by his mom!?!?! I was more disappointed in him, being the guy who was in college, becoming a professional, supposedly ready to get married, but couldn't stand up for himself, or even to his mom and say 'here's this girl, I want to date her'. 
Needless to say, I ended our little chat then. I was very direct in informing him that leisurely chat would get us no where and obviously dating wouldn't happen.
I just don't get it-why can't boys/men speak for themselves anymore? Be a man and MAN up!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


I'm trying to figure out just how many definitions there for for the term 'busy'. Obviously, this is in Shidduch terms. You see, I feel like these days, 'busy' is being used so freely, that it can be an excuse for anything really, and in terms of Shidduchim, anyone who doesn't have the guts to be honest and say no to a shidduch suggestion, or after a date, will use the term 'busy' to politely decline and hope you get the message.
Case in Point: A friend of mine was suggested to this guy. She sent her info to the Shadchan and was then asked for more info and a photo. She called the Shadchan to ask if the boy was interested, or just wanted a photo for his collection, but the Shadchan assured her that he was interested & asked for it himself. She never heard back. Weeks went by and she called the Shadchan, who didn't answer her calls. Eventually she received a formal email informing her that the guy was busy. If he really was busy-why did he ask for a photo? Wouldn't that be double timing is current date (and reason for being 'busy')? It's just an excuse (he doesn't think she's pretty enough). 

Here's a few ways 'busy' can be used when it comes to Shidduchim. Feel free to add your own :)

1. the guy totally thinks your photo is ugly, but too polite to say anything...aka 'he's busy'.
2. umm, totally not the type of girl at all that he is looking for, but feels bad saying that, so 'he's busy'.
3. Superbowl night-doesn't wanna miss a game for a date-'he's busy' (watching/at the game)
4. Dating another girl, but doesn't wanna commit to her, or to you, wants to keep you as the back-up in case his current date is a total busy, hence he's 'busy'.
5. On a roadtrip with a few guys so he can 'chill out' from all the stress-he's currently 'busy'
6. Taking a dating break-he's busy for the next while and will get back if and when that happens....

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Opposite of Flirting

Is there a word that exists which defines the opposite of flirting? Cuz, that's the sentiment I had when I was in Shul over Yom Tov. Seriously-the one time I decide to go 'shul-hopping', I know I'm too old to do that, but at my stage in the Shidduch game, I figured it might broaden my horizons and perhaps I might lay eyes on a guy who's not in my Shul. Maybe an out-of-towner, maybe a boy who has been in Israel and only came home for Yom Tov, someone's relative/guest, etc. I did the bold move-I went to a few different Shuls over Yom Tov and it was a bit distracting, but I was able to daven properly and linger just a bit, walked home a bit slower than my normal speed-in order to try and check out the guys. 
Well, if no one else can help me, I might as well atleast try and see what I can do to help myself, right?
So, when I got to Shul #3, it was a bit of a letdown as the average age was 50+, but I did meet a few people I knew there, including some married friends of mine who came home for Yom Tov. The thing that bothered me though, was that in middle of davening-say atleast 2 hours after Shacharis, these young guys would walk into the women's section, or 'happen to pass by', or be in the adjoining room in order to have a l'Chaim. I'm sorry to say but it was obvious by their dress, their actions, as well as some of the language (couldn't help overhearing whilst they were cussing a bit loud), that I was seriously repulsed. Give them credit for coming to Shul, I thought, atleast they're doing that much. But the other side of me was thinking, 'they only came to drink, they're not even davening!' what a Chutzpah and how disrespectful to do in a Shul! I continued to daven, kept my head down and purposely ignore the noise, disruption, and constant 'passing by' of these guys. But when one of them deliberately walked right infront of me, for G-d knows what, in the ladies' section, it disturbed me. Here I was, totally repulsed, and not wanting to even be seen/noticed/recognized by these guys. Yes, a girl likes to get noticed, but not in that way, but those types of boys. It was sorta sick the way they looked at me, and the handful of other singles. I was wondering if I should take up nose-picking for the rest of Shul just to ensure they would feel the same as I did-repulsed, and perhaps leave Shul, or never come back to the women`s section, let alone `peek`in. 
So, what is the opposite of flirting, cuz whatever word defines that-is clearly what I was trying to do.
Thank goodness Yom Tov was eight days and there are more than enough Shuls within walking distance. As soon as Mussaf was over-I didn`t linger, nor walk slowly, I ensured my heels were securely on my feet and brisk-walked home, looking at the floor the entire time. Gives me chills to still think of the way their faces looked as they swept over the singles-more like the hyenas eyeing the carcasses in the lion king...

Thursday, October 11, 2012


As I've mentioned on this blog before, Google has become very useful, especially when it comes to Shidduchim. You can google just about anything, anyone, any city, school, etc. and find atleast something about what you're looking for (most of the time).  I'm not an obsessive google-searcher when it comes to Shidduchim, I mean, I have my ways of finding things out-usually its with communicating with people, then comes the techno research, etc. 
When it comes to the Techno searching, I like to do, what I call 'Jewgling' (Jewish Googling) and find whatever I can. Sometimes it's people we know in common, sometimes it's educational, background, family, and if I get lucky, an age, or photo, which usually is extremely helpful. Obviously, speaking to references, or common people is the best research as people can tell you alot about a person, and even just tone of voice, or pauses can answer your questions. But, you can't always get lucky, hence the research-especially if you or the guy which is being redd are from out of town....
Now, I thought I was pretty focused and keep my research plain and simple=either I find stuff, or I don't. If I don't, I call the Shadchan and ask for more details, to help find information. That sounds pretty easy, right?
What surprises me though, is that there are people that exist, who are OBSESSIVE JEWglers. I mean, heavy research, and by research=they couldn't really care about the basic details, they care more about materialistic. They will research any/all financial information/records/documents, as well as use google maps to check out what the home of the family looks like. They will use search tools to check if there were any court hearings, and what the family/boy/parents/grandparents' net worth is. Seriously. 
If that doesn't scare you-yesterday a friend of mine called me to do some techno search for her, as she didn't have access to a computer (data roaming is expensive!). The minute I started typing the boy's name, google showed he was already 'jewgled' with the term 'net worth' at the end. How insane is that? No one actually googled him-but they googled how much he was WORTH!
What is this world coming to? People care more about tablecloths, cutlery, sheitels, home decor, cars, etc. then the actual PEOPLE they are to marry. We live in a society where people are at the top (financially) and the next day, they go bankrupt. Who is to decide how long they will be fortunate for. Perhaps the Range Rover parked in the driveway on google maps, is the neighbor's? What if the name is very common and all the researched information on financial claims, court hearings, etc. all belong to ANOTHER person bearing the same name?
I say keep Jewgling simple, but be smart when you search, know that not everything on the internet is legit-some are people's opinions, some are random photos uploaded and tagged with a name belonging to someone else, some are made up, etc. Make sure you do your searches properly. Good luck Jewgling.

The Shadchan's Shanda...

World's Unluckiest Bachelor? 6 Matchmakers, 250 Dates, and Larry Greenfield's Still Single. Here's Why..

Larry Greenfield: bad luck or bad in love?(Dennis Clark/Polaris)Larry Greenfield: bad luck or bad in love?(Dennis Clark/Polaris)
Larry Greenfield can't understand why he hasn't met his wife. He's successful, single and he's not cheap.
In the past 12 years, the 47-year-old has spent over $65,000 dollars on matchmaking services, according to the New York Post.
Now 250 blind dates later he's still single and he's blaming his former matchmakers.
"You pay them up front and they don't provide a service. They tell you how wonderful you are, whatever you want to hear," Greenfield told The Post.

The retired Wall Street trader seems to have approached his quest for a wife like a kind of business acquisition. "My job right now is meeting a girl," he says in the Post's now viral profile. 

It's not exactly a romantic notion, but then neither is paying money for a set-up. But with his laundry list of requirements for a partner, Greenfield figured matchmaking was his best bet. It wasn't.
"His problem is he's a six and he wanted tens," Maureen Tara Nelson, one of Greenfield's former matchmakers, tells Yahoo! Shine. She claims Greenfield chose his dates through her based on photos and profiles but still came back unsatisfied. "He'd say there was no chemistry, but he picked the women!" says Nelson. Greenfield didn't respond to our request for comment at press time.
The Post, however, does paint Greenfield as a bit too detail-oriented. In addition to a woman who's slim, Jewish, and funny, he wants a "non-alpha"-someone who isn't committed to a career.
In New York, that type of women is increasingly rare, according to Nelson.
"He thinks because he's wealthy he could get a beautiful women, but what he doesn't realize is that beautiful women in New York are also already successful."

Maxine Gordon, a 44-year-old comedian set up with Greenfield, echoes that sentiment.
"I think he's looking for something that doesn't exist: a gorgeous, talented, Jewish woman like Natalie Portman, except 'I stay at home; I'm here to put on your slippers and clean your room,' " Gordon toldThe Post, after her first date with Greenfield was also her last. "He's looking for love at first sight, and everyone has imperfections. Talk to someone. Get to know them."
If Greenfield needs to lower his expectations with women, he may also need to change his approach to meeting them.
"Matchmaking might not be the right way for him to meet women," says Amy Laurent, a Manhattan matchmaker who recently starred in Bravo's Miss Advised. "It's no longer the days where older men looking for younger women can go to a matchmaker to buy their love."
"People who hire matchmakers for thousands of dollars generally want to avoid the vulnerability that we all face when we search for love, " says Nancy Slotkin, a matchmaker who Greenfield has reportedly set his sites on next. "Rejection is part of the process even for the best catches. High-priced matchmakers prey on people's fear of rejection and often make a lot of false promises."
Laurent agrees her colleagues sometimes get blinded by checks "waving in their faces," when they should be turning down overly picky clients who will never be satisfied with what they believe is a purchase.
Now that Greenfield's quest for love has gone viral, his luck with women may be getting worse. Imagine searching this guy's name before a date and coming up with articles like this one.

"I think it's going to make dating harder for the kind of woman he wanted, " says Laurent. "But maybe that's not such a bad thing--I believe everything happens for a reason." 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

How Perceptive Are We?

Over Yom Tov I met up with some friends of mine, who moved to 'the big city' for dating purposes. Of course, after all the catching up, we spoke of our dating lives. My friend Chavi had the most horrifying experience, and I feel the need to share it with you all if it will save even one of you, fellow readers, from almost ending up like she did. 
Here's what happened:
She was set up with a guy last minute, and by last minute-she was packing up after a Shabbos at a family when she received a call telling her this guy was in town and he seemed to be here type and he was coming to get her. They went out and all was ok, just 'ok'. The next day they went out again, and being that the guy had to travel back that night, they left like early morning and spent the next 10-12 hours together on a full-day date. All was 'ok' and so they decided to continue on. She was a bit hesitant but the person who suggested the shidduch told her to just 'go with the flow' and 'casually continue with him directly' (in other words-she cut herself outta the picture). They went out again and again and basically they had already planned the wedding, future lives together, etc. The thing is, because they were living in two different cities, almost opposite ends of the continent, most of the dating took place in the more common city=his. Chavi decided to bring the guy home to meet her family, friends and to show him her hometown, where she grew up, the small city, etc. But instead of her friends and family being happy with her-they told her she brought home the wrong guy. She was shocked by this reaction and first, alluded it to her friends being jealous that she finally found the guy. Imagine, how she felt, so happy, so secure in her decision and her close friends telling her he wasn't 'the one'. She was really upset, but when her newly married friends met up with her and the guy, they told her the same, as did her family. She couldn't figure out why everyone was sooo against this guy, especially when she spent so much time with him herself and thought he was great. Then, someone pointed out something he said and asked if it bothered her. She did in fact hear him when he said that 'thing' but decided it was a one time thing and brushed it off. Another relative of hers pointed out to her certain behaviors and asked if it was something that bothered her, but again, she did notice it only once or twice and told herself to only focus on the good. 
Chavi, the positive person she is, decided the negative things were only small things and once off that she had seen/heard, and she figured it was nerves trying to 'tell her' to back off, but she wouldn't allow herself to focus on the negative and she therefore focused on the bigger picture and that he was a great guy. But of course, as more and more people pointed out small things. People who had only just met this guy as an outsider-she realized that this was not just jealousy. She went to speak with her dating mentor who had asked detailed questions and had then informed her that these 'small things' so to speak were an indication to much bigger issues that can seriously affect any relationship. 
She was advised by a Rav to break off the Shidduch, and so, unfortunately, after all the time, energy, and effort of almost getting engaged, she went ahead and broke it off. 
Baruch Hashem, Chavi is now over this hurdle, but it definitely affected her, as it would affect anyone. The purpose of this post is not for everyone to over analyze each date and everything your date says/does and the way he acts, but just to tell you to take things into consideration. If something bothers you, speak to someone about it, if not the actual guy/girl you're dating. If you feel comfortable having your friends/family meet someone who you feel might have potential-then go ahead and do so, as long as everyone is on board. 
Just be aware. Not all the time are people out to get you and jealous. Your family & friends care for you alot, they know you best and want what's best for you-value their opinion and just listen to what they have to say.
May we never know of such things and only have good dates with great guys with only AMAZINGLY happy endings :)

Friday, September 28, 2012

Living in a Booth-Sukkos Video

To get you in the mood for Sukkos :)

Monday, September 24, 2012

Reason #14: Why I LOVE the Internet

I know that since the Asifa, the internet is getting a whole lotta bad reviews. There's been the speech about filters, the Jnet articles, the 'put your computer in a public place' and all the other websites and buddy programs to go to in order to maintain safe internet usage. I agree with all of that. I have heard of a few detrimental affects that the internet had on marriages, some ending in divorce-and these are people I know. Yes, it can get addictive. Yes, it is bad for you. And, of course, like everything bad, there is a good side as well. Aside from the online shiurim (I like, the Jewish news, the youtube informative clips, the Kotel cam, etc. there are other very useful internet sites that I use on an ongoing basis (google anyone?). The reason I LOVE internet, for the sake of this post tonight, is because once again, my old buddy internet has come through and saved my bacon so-to-speak. 
Here's what happened:
So-called person called to suggest a shidduch. Boy was described as 'very nice' and in late 30s. The age itself is atleast a decade older, and more. I told the person that late 30s usually means early 40s and so on, and then went ahead to ask them to email me the information. I received the information and with my trusty old internet, did a search on the guy. Lo & behold (no, without any criminal record), I got a whole page of detailed history, family members and birthdates. Turns out I was right-he was early 40s. Byebye baby daddy. and that folks, is why I LOVE internet-those searches usually don't lie. They have no reason to.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Shadchan Telephone Interview

A friend of mine decided to do her Chesed for the week, the week of Aseres Yemei Teshuva. That Chesed, of course, was me. Seriously, though, she told me that she didn't know how else she can help me as we are in two very different circles (in terms of Frumkeit, age, what I'm looking for, where she comes from, etc) so she made some phone calls and her brother's, husband's cousin's niece seemed to live in Flatbush where 'the types of boys I'm looking for' are from and perhaps he can help. She was soo happy that I really felt that she genuinely was trying to help, and hey, to give her credit, she did make the effort of calling around, so how can I not call this relative after all the work she put in to getting the phone number. Plus, if I didn't call the number, I knew it would sorta come back to haunt me, in terms of 'well, she didn't even CALL the number after all the effort I did, so she probably isn't even interested in getting married-no wonder she is an older single, etc'.
I sat down and made the phonecall. I was told that this woman is a very busy person and the first call would probably be to schedule a time for a real conversation. My first call was not even a minute long-I introduced myself, told her how I got her number and she told me it wasn't a good time and to call back later. I did call back later that evening, only to be told that even at the late unearthly hour that I normally wouldn't call anyone I didn't know, she was still busy. I was told to call the next day at a set time. I called at the set time, but still it wasn't a good time for her. This went on over a course of a few days, until FINALLY, I got through to her and she told me she was now ready to listen properly. 
Then came the most insane and random questions I've ever been asked by a shadchan in all my dating  years. Some of those questions included but weren't limited to:
1) At what age did I have my first date (what does that matter)
2) How old am I-no really how old, because she would need to figure out where and how to lie-quote per her
3) When was my last date
4) what did the last guy I went out look like
5) How do my parents/siblings dress/look
6) What was the name of the last guy I dated
7) Would I be willing to go on a blind date (hello?! what do you call Shidduch dating!?!?!)
and a whole lot of personal DMC questions. Oh, and I forgot-that the conversation, after asking me to email my information, began with her saying 'now, I'm going to ask you a bunch of personal questions that may make you uncomfortable, but please let me know if you're too uncomfortable...' 
Heck, ya! I was uncomfortable, awkward, extremely uncomfortable. But again, this friend worked so hard that I knew if I was rude, or told her to mind her own business, etc. it would get back to said friend, so I was polite, but towards the end of our 45 min. convo, I was very firm and didn't let the same questions over and over and also the psycho talk of why I was single at my age get to me. After hanging up tho, it did indeed get to me. The nerve of people. I didn't call her for a mussar shmooze. She doesn't know me from atom. It's like a couple married for over 5 years who unfortunately don't yet have a child go to a doctor only to be told that it's their fault they don't have a child, etc. Aside from that what diff. does the name, age, look, and description of dates and guys I date make any difference to whether she has someone in mind for me or not.
Needless to say, I haven't heard back from said Shadchan....Just goes to show....I really should've titled this post 'Mindfreak' but that name is reserved for someone with actual talent...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Best Wishes for a Mazeldik year!

Don'tcha just feel really awkward when all these people come to wish you a gut g'bentched yahr, kiss kiss, hug hug and then tell you how they are Davening for you and they truly wish you a year filled with Simcha and this should be the year they dance @ ur chasuna? Personally, I don't like showing my emotions. I mean sure I cry at weddings, funerals, videos, etc. I laugh and am an emotional person but when people tell you how they wish what you truly want-I don't know why but it makes me emotional and it sorta 'invades' into your private life and your innermost wishes. Of course I know they mean well and thank them, say amen and move on but I still believe that it should be categorized with the 'Im Yirtzeh Hashem By You' and should be THOUGHT and not SAID by people to people.
On that note, I would like to wish all of you a gut g'bentched year, a kesiva vachasima tova, a year in which all of your Tefilos are answered l'Tovah and only health, happiness, success, Mazel and Bracha.
May we only share in Simchas and may that be each others!
Good Yom Tov & Shana Tova!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

New Year's Resolution

I was just thinking about a guy I dated a few years back....well not him per se, but more like the story of him. You see, I don't quite remember who set me up and why I agreed to go out with him and more likely what the person who redd the shidduch was even thinking! But, one thing stayed in my mind about the whole date and that my fellow readers, was his story.
People always remember a story. Go to a shiur-if it's longer than 30 minutes, most people willy only remember 1 part of it, or the joke the speaker started with, or a touching story. 
Well, this guy had his story. I dated him just once. It was quite obvious from the moment he appeared at the door that this was in no ways shayach, but we went out, it was nice and I was home 2 hours later. A few weeks after our date, I happened to meet someone mutually involved in the shidduch with this particular boy. She told me he had just gotten engaged and then went into the details.
It seemed as this guy was the last single guy of his class. When the second to last guy got engaged/married, this boy's classmates got together and decided they had to do something. They all took it upon themselves to find him a girl so that he can join the rest of his classmates in the 'married' stage. Lo & behold, one of the classmates wife had a friend who had a niece, whose sister.....well, you get the drift. Shortly after setting him up, they got engaged.
Moral of the story: Think of your single friends or, you never know where a shidduch will come from, so think of your single friends.
I always thought that when my classmates would get married, things would be easy-they have husbands who have friends/cousins/family/co-workers/chavrusas the same age, they have a wife who knows you, etc. To be nice, I havta say quite a few of my classmates have indeed set me up over the years, which was sweet & thoughtful. I guess people get busy, they have things taking over their life, like new lifestyle, place, job, family, etc.
So dear readers, I think the new year's resolution for most should be;
If you are married & have single classmates, THINK OF them. HAVE them in mind. NO-do not tell them you are thinking of them and have them in mind. Do not pity them and mention that they are in your tefilos/ challah baking/30 day tehillim group. Instead, sit down and spend 5 minutes going through all the guys you know who are single. You never know, something might just click. Mention to your friends, at your groups, at Simchas, to people you know about your single friends-help spread the word & do some PR for them. A small mention of a name, or that you know the girl might go a long way for a boy's friend/ family/cousin/workmate and might just make them agree to a shidduch because of a mutual person. Without you mentioning that-nothing would've ever happened.

If you are single-keep davening, keep smiling, keep your head up and be proud of who you are. Keep busy, keep doing Chessed, keep a positive attitude. Try and network, meet new people, get together with friends. Call your classmates, friends, family. Renew old ties. Keep faith. Your zivug is out there, he was set aside especially for you 40 days before you were born. You will find him, but hopefully he will find you first :)

May we all only speak/hear of Simchas. May we have the zechus of making a shidduch or more, or being part of a shidduch, or even mentioning something which may start a shidduch!