Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A non-date Date!

My good friend Avital had this whole non-date Date thing all set straight.
See? Most of us are these gushy, dreamy-eyed girls, straight out of sem, living our life of shidduchim to lead up to the 'happily ever after' but no one really thinks about the reality of the situation and what exactly happens after the happily ever after (aka wedding-jk).
Then, we get older, and as we get older, we gain more life experience, more dating experience, we meet new people, are in different situations, different surroundings and we sort of land back into reality and learn that there IS something after happily ever after and that something is "REALITY". Life is not a dream, it doesn't just 'happen', we have to sometimes make things happen, everything takes effort and once we get to where we want to be, with that effort, we appreciate it much more, as we know how hard to worked towards our goal.
Point being-Avital had this mindset about dating. She decided that dates were fake. They are all happy, polite, well-mannered, well-dressed, put together, on-your-best-behavior, go somewhere nice and grown up for 3 hours meet n greet. After the first few dates she realized that if she was going to date seriously, for marriage, she needed to do some of the everyday little things that married people do regularly to see if the guy was suitable. After all, how many married husbands do you see running to the passenger door of the car to hold the door for their wives? How many couples randomly go out during the week for drinks at a hotel lounge, or pottery painting, bowling, to the botanical gardens or a movie?
So, Avital decided that when a boy came to town to date her, she would have a 'reality' date and do something realistically, she would be doing had she been married-with this potential guy. So, they would go on grocery errands, they would help out at soup kitchens, deliver meals to hospitals, etc. Whilst not the most romantic dates-it was the most real-life situation dates. And Avital must've been doing the right thing, cuz she got married to the next guy that she dated after this decision. They had the most non-romantic dates (then again, it depends how you feel about the term of romance), but it worked.
For all I know, he proposed to her in the produce aisle over a basket of tomatoes, but in reality, she sorta had a point. I'm not the type of girl who really cares, nor needs a guy to hold a door open for me. Is it polite? sure. Is it mentchlech to do on a date? yes. Still-do I need someone to do that? will I get upset if he doesn't? nopes, I don't mind opening my own car door, and doing things myself-after all, being single for all these years I got used to it. Ya, a gal likes to be treated with respect and as if a guy cares, but dessert, a horse & buggy ride, amusement park, etc-whilst being fun, you might not get that much conversation in, you might not see how someone behaves in a real-life situation and how they handle everyday small stuff that arise.
Would you be bold enough to suggest a non-date date on your next shidduch?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

GirlTalk...from single to married & still sounding stupid

Heartbroken on a Crush

Shades of Grey posted a comment on my last entry regarding a post on his blog quite a while back. Whilst reading the comment, I literally just found out that I guy I had the biggest crush on, and by biggest, I meant designing monograms, using his last name, nicknaming him, etc. just got engaged.
Until today I didn't know what people meant-as commented by Shades of Grey.
Maybe I'm picky, but I didn't really have any feelings for guys I dated. Perhaps it was cuz I only dated them once or a few times max, or maybe because half were losers or jerks (no offence-I'm an honest, straight out person). But, after hearing that the guy I harbored world's greatest crush on was......taken...I freaked out. I was really sad. Partly because I was sooo hopeful about us getting together. It made sooo much sense in my mind. We were, or atleast I believed, SUCH A GOOD COUPLE. He was exactly the kinda guy I was looking for.
Yes, whilst I know, not everyone is perfect, etc. even HE had some things I didn't quite approve of, but was ok with, knowing almost everything about him. Usually, when being redd shidduchim I woulda heard those things and nixed the whole idea, but because I actually knew (about) this guy, I was able to see past it.
So, Shades-of-Grey, I totally get you. It's just really weird that this whole post/comment/post came along the first time I am a bit heartbroken. I don't know what to say. I usually thought the whole crush thing with people was either fake (people wanted to BELIEVE they loved someone) or based on TV/movies e.g. Twilight tweens obsessed with that werewolf guy.
So, now I know it's true.....love is possible....or atleast what I believe until now....

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

There's a Time for EVERYTHING!

2 great things happened this week!
2 guys I know got engaged!
well, I don't really know them-know them. except the reason why it is so great that they got engaged, was cuz both of them were suggested to me....
numerous times...
y'know, the type where the mother/grandmother/aunt/sister/in-law/cousin/neighbor/bestie think it's the BEST shidduch yet! and they don't let you forget that each time they see you.
Well, one of the guys fits into the category above. Literally, his mother met me, some mutual person suggested it whilst we were in the same room, it was REALLY awkward, cuz it was everything BUT shayach in all ways, but even tho everyone around including me KNEW it was the most crazy shidduch suggestion ever-his mother thought it was amazing and jumped at the idea. So ya, it was like avoidance anytime I knew I might be seeing her/passing her by. Yay-one down. Thank you Hashem for finding him his zivug!

Now, for dude #2, he was suggested to me like for sure 5-6 times by different people, different walks of life, cities, circles, etc. Each time I would repeat the story that the boy gave which was always greyish in the sense that there was no story really, it was just a blurred-out excuse, something to the tune of 'well, now it not really a good time...busy....trying to decide what to do with my life....on vacation...taking a break.....not available, etc.' but each time the Shadchan who suggested it would make me send the resume, the photo, the deets and get back to me with one of the above excuses. The last shadchan who called me about dude #2, was seriously and I mean seriously annoying. She picked at every phrase and pulled it apart word by word asking what I meant by that and how certain words can have a double-connotation and certain ways things were said, etc. when finally, after the longest conversation with her, she said she didn't really know dude #2, but heard about him through a mutual friend and told me she would be in touch.....so now it's a really long time later and I found out through the grapevine that dude #2 is engaged. FINALLY-all his excuses now make sense (or do they???)

So single folk=here's to continued celebrations for a week of 'a time for everything' and literally, I'm really enjoying this time! That's one guy's mom and a whole lotta other people who will not be (s)talking me anymore.

Proposal gone wrong

let's hope this doesn't happen to anyone i know!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Deceiving Date Descriptions

Ever feel frustrated with shidduch calls?
Now, don'tcha feel even more frustrated with making the calls and getting weird info, or info that doesn't match, or people saying different things all together-especially when these people are the 'chosen references' listed on a resume?
So, lately my friend, Huvi has been on the burnt end of the above situation. The last few boys she was suggested to all ended up being total losers and if half the information she received even matched up to the boys she dated-she would've never agreed to even date them, but obviously at this point it is too late and so more damage has been done in the dating department.
After listening to her horror stories and hearing how deceiving the info was and how some people had carefully worded their descriptions or managed to answer a question without answering the question directly, or how they skipped out the 'minor' details which they felt was minor, but which was obviously a major factor.
So, in order for all of you to avoid having horrible experiences, the lesson learned from Huvi's detrimental dating descriptions is the following.
-BE SPECIFIC in your questions
-Make sure the people you call answer the specific questions you ask
-Call atleast THREE people and ensure all the info you ask matches up to each other as well as the info received (resume)
-If you can call your own references, that is preferable
-Any worries or concerns should be directed to the Shadchan
-Body language/tone of voice and sometimes reluctance may say more than actual words

good luck and hoping none of you have any surprises or spoilers on your next date!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Disclaimer on Dates

Firstly-Happy New Year!
For those still reading=assuming you didn't have someone to share your midnight/new years kiss with-let's hope that you find one by next year!

Now I'm gonna rant about people who set you up, or who wanna set you up, whom I call the 'disclaimer date' people. You know the ones who say, "I have this great guy....I really think it could work....totally sounds your type...' but then add in the little line 'I havta tell you that I honestly never met him.....don't really know him that well....heard of him......my sister/uncle/husband/wife knows him really well...' and that's where it ends. Either you date the guy or not, but whatever happens-they already wash their hands of any outcome as they claim not to know the guy or not to know him well enough-yet they do believe it's the guy for you.
Yes, well, lately I'm experiencing alot of these disclaimers-some, after I do some checking, make sense=the guy is a TOTAL NOT shayach (for lack of any other rude word) and they feel the need to mention him because he's in 'my type' of category. For others, all the info checks out, we date and then the guy ends up being a TOTAL NOT shayach (again, for lack of rude word) and then when I call back after the date, the excuse is 'well, don't get upset at me, i DID mention that I don't REALLY know him...'
How do you take that?