Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Heartbroken on a Crush

Shades of Grey posted a comment on my last entry regarding a post on his blog quite a while back. Whilst reading the comment, I literally just found out that I guy I had the biggest crush on, and by biggest, I meant designing monograms, using his last name, nicknaming him, etc. just got engaged.
Until today I didn't know what people meant-as commented by Shades of Grey.
Maybe I'm picky, but I didn't really have any feelings for guys I dated. Perhaps it was cuz I only dated them once or a few times max, or maybe because half were losers or jerks (no offence-I'm an honest, straight out person). But, after hearing that the guy I harbored world's greatest crush on was......taken...I freaked out. I was really sad. Partly because I was sooo hopeful about us getting together. It made sooo much sense in my mind. We were, or atleast I believed, SUCH A GOOD COUPLE. He was exactly the kinda guy I was looking for.
Yes, whilst I know, not everyone is perfect, etc. even HE had some things I didn't quite approve of, but was ok with, knowing almost everything about him. Usually, when being redd shidduchim I woulda heard those things and nixed the whole idea, but because I actually knew (about) this guy, I was able to see past it.
So, Shades-of-Grey, I totally get you. It's just really weird that this whole post/comment/post came along the first time I am a bit heartbroken. I don't know what to say. I usually thought the whole crush thing with people was either fake (people wanted to BELIEVE they loved someone) or based on TV/movies e.g. Twilight tweens obsessed with that werewolf guy.
So, now I know it's is possible....or atleast what I believe until now....


  1. I feel the same way as Shades did.

    Whenever I find out that the guy I have had fantasies about got engaged, first my stomach drops, but then I'm relieved. He's engaged, meaning he never was for me. And sure enough, I don't think of him again.

  2. Add that to the hashgacha pratis story list ;)

    In general, you have to be careful about thinking you can accept certain things that otherwise might be red flags or deal breakers for you. Obviously, you should evaluate them in the context of actually dating and not theorize based on whatever background knowledge you might have.

    Even if you particularly like the person for other aspects of their personality, hashkafa, etc - the real test of knowing whether you want to marry someone is to consider everything about them in context - their good aspects and the bad ones as well - because no one is perfect. If you can honestly say, without reservation, that the negative bits don't bother you immensely, that you can accept them for what they are and that they aren't going to go away (they might, but you can't bet on it), then you might have found someone worth spending the rest of your life with.