Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Taking a Gal for Granted

I've been off the radar lately, I'll ashamedly admit it. I was trying to let my feeling simmer down. My anger and frustration with Shidduchim, with Shadchanim, with the whole system. I tried reading, eating, jogging, even meditating, and then watching movies, but nothing could completely distract me nor take away the fumes of frustration of being in Shidduchim. I thought about solving the worlds problems, then solving my own-which turns out-was more complicated :(
and so, here I am. Trying to overcome my emotions and move on with life, smile, and let others live. Let life take its course and do good things. That distraction truly worked. Chesed makes me smile and puts a smile on the face of others. It makes me feel good and feel like I'm doing SOMETHING and if I cannot do something to help my situation with Shidduchim, atleast, let me help others with things I can help with, like for example: delivering Bikur Cholim meals.

Getting back to this post, though, I need to bring something up. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time that I received a call from a Shadchan telling me a guy was in town. Usually it's for another Simcha, or he had a date that didn't work out but was still here for a day or two and so they were trying to chap someone for him. In the past, this idea didn't quite work out well for me. You see, on one hand, I was like 'hey, the guy is here, I don't have to travel, I can go chill for a couple of hours-it's a win/win'. But each time I acquiesced, I came home upset, after having spent hours with a guy who was either a total moron (excuse the language), or who left his brain back home. I couldn't believe that someone who knew me, or even a Shadchan who I'd spoken with, would set me up with such a type of boy. But they figured the same as me-what could they lose? The guy was in town, I was in town, we were both 'available' and single, looking to get married so what's a few hours?
Let me tell you-when it's with those kind of boys=it's a few hours too many.
What further aggravates me is that alot of the time, it would be boys that were suggested or name-dropped to me in the past, but these boys said no to me for a variety of reasons. Even if it was suggested numerous times to the same guy over a number of years, he kept saying no. Yet, when a bunch of guys arrived here Erev Shabbos on a roadtrip, suddenly my phone was ringing off the hook, saying the said guy/s are in town and would like to date me now-ya right.
It's totally taking advantage of us, females. Like, we're not good enough, but now that you're bored and there's no Times Square, and you don't know anyone here-why not hang out for a few hours? And to assume that because suddenly you are here, in town, and agree to date, then we have to jump?
Atleast, do some good PR work for yourself, or let the Shadchan talk a girl up and make it sound better than it is. That way we don't have to feel like last night's supper being rewarmed in the microwave because now you're hungry (where did that just come from?)
Well, that's my rant. I believe in making people feel good. What does a simple compliment cost? nada. What does it make a person feel like? a million bucks. So say thank you, be polite, smile-you never know how making another person feel like a, actual PERSON can achieve. Don't take anyone for granted-treat them like a mentch-trust me, they'll appreciate you more and respect you for it.
over and out...

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Shidduchim as a 'Prize'

Not  that I wanna badmouth any organization, BUT I was and still very much am so disappointed by something I've recently heard. It sends an  organization, which for now will remain nameless in this post, has publicized that if you make a donation to their cause, you can "win" a shidduch. Meaning you choose from their top 5 "well reputable" Shadchan & the Shadchan of your choice had to set you up with 3 good matches. Oh and if any of them work out then Shadchan is paid. 
Wheni was first told about this I honestly thought it was a prank. Then I heard it from a second person and realized it was sadly true. 
Why it's this a prize? I've met with and spoken with these "top" Shadchansuss who won't even return a call, let alone respond to an email. But if I pay money then suddenly they will come up with all these great guys?
How come they can't give these suggestions on a regular Shadchan term? 
And how would all these rabbis and editors and board members allow this to be considered a well converted and sought after prize?!?
Is the world going mad?