Thursday, September 24, 2015

He's "Busy" Right Now...

Two weeks. It's been two weeks already that I've been getting the runaround from different people and yet, I'm still where I started=absolutely nowhere.

I was redt to three guys at the same time. Yes, this has happened before, but because it's so hard for a frum girl to get a decent date these days, we look them as they come in.
Boy #1 was redt loads of times before. In fact I heard his name/city/age/occupation so many times but never got further than that because the guy never got back to anyone who redt the shidduch in the first place (otherwise known as 'not interested'). But this time, it was a relative of mine who met him. They got talking, Jewish geography, they found out they share relatives, hence I share relatives with the guy, so basically why say no? We're all one big happy family. 
"trust me" I told the relative, "the guy is NOT interested. It was suggested so many times and he never got back or followed up with any of them. If he was interested we would know."
But family being family, they didn't take no for an answer and they pursued. The guy told them he most definitely was interested but with Yom Tov coming up, he was traveling, etc. and he would let them know after Rosh Hashana. End result: They pursued, he responded by saying "he's busy."

Guy #2 was suggested to me months ago. I actually liked what I heard about him and he seemed like the type of guy I would go for. I was (for once) really happy that it was being redt but the shadchan never got back to me. I must've stalked the shadchan with emails/text messages, only to keep getting replies that the boy was 'busy' seeing someone. This went on for months. Atleast once a month I send an email to see what is going on, and it seems he is 'still busy'.

Guy #3 as well, was suggested before. He had requested I send my resume which I did. He then requested my photo, which I reluctantly sent. I usually don't send a photo, and am not comfortable with sending one unless the guy sees my information first and thinks it's shayach to proceed. At the same time, the person who redt it knew us both personally so she could've vouched for me (which she claims she did), and because she is someone I know, I sent my photo, trusting her. I never heard back and then, when I asked her a week or two later what happened, she said he was 'still thinking about it' this was after I sent my photo. Then there was some 'busy' excuse and it was forgotten. It was brought up once again, by the same woman, and once more, sounding vaguely familiar to him he asked for a photo. I explained that if he wasn't interested in my photo last year, I haven't changed that drastically to have a different photo this year. Again, the woman convinced me that since she knows him personally, it is totally understandable to send my photo once more, but was upset about it. Then again, who knows what us singles have to go through just to find out true zivug. In the interim, I was in touch with her to find out what his answer was....She said she just got a message that 'he was busy now'. My beef with this situation: if the shadchan just called him a day or two before and he was busy or was going to go out with a girl-why would he even ASK for a photo, knowing he was starting something?!?!?

The conclusion to all this: 'BUSY' is just a polite excuse to say no, he ain't interested.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

It's Whats on the INSIDE that Counts?

As frum Bais Yaakov girls, we were always taught about middos, and being good to others. To Daven with kavannah, act like a mentsch and dress tzniusdikly. 
I hope I checked off all the boxes above. 
There is however something they don't mention, which is you can do all the above and still dress trendy look put together. You don't have to be a shluch, and trust me, the moment you hit the Shidduch scene, it's all about looks. As much as I hate to admit it, most people judge but what they see. After all, if you're wearing bullet proof stockings-you must be Chassidish. If you are married and not covering your hair, you must be modern orthodox, and if a guy wears a kapatah, he must be Lubavitch. To a certain extent, our outside reflects who we are on the inside.
Which is why I sorta have to give a bit of credit to author of this post, Ms. Chizhik-Goldschmidt who says it as it is. 
For me, personally, I know that as much as looks count, I'm not going to marry a super star or even a model. I know that in the end, personality will win over. I'm BIG on personality, and a guy can look as good as he wants and dress to the T, but if he acts like a diva, or a deadbeat-he's outta my game.
And guys do care about how a girl looks and dresses. Notice on most male dating profiles they write 'looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside' which is saying it nicely. I've also seen  some guys' profiles where they clearly state a preference of hair color/height/skirt size/weight, etc.
So, the point of this post is you can look good, be put together and still be tznius and act like a true Bas Yisrael. Men like to be impressed, and we gotta do our best to impress :)