Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Submit a Shidduch Name and you might WIN $500!!

Is this a joke?
Did anyone get this mass email, and if so, does anyone know what its all about??
(hope no one sends in my name and resume)

Get The Word Out with  -   Call 212-564-4309
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Submit a shidduch name and resume. If Shidduch is made, win $500

Reason for Being Single?

I was at my friend Huvi's house when her mother motioned for her to pick up the phone which was ringing. As I watched her and her mom walk away with the phone I couldn't help but wonder what was going on but knowing her, I figured it had something to do with a shidduch.
When Huvi came back half smirking she explained what happened. It seemed a shadchan called to redd her a shidduch but before she could give main specifics about the boy she gave his age (between 25-30), followed by: 'you wanna know the reason why he's still single and not married yet?'
Immediately Huvi stopped her to tell her she wasn't going to even ask why he was single. Why do people need a reason? It's all part of the 'master plan' and if that's not reason enough then the world has gone mad!

Monday, November 26, 2012

It's Not for Me. Period.

Ever get asked why you said no to a shidduch? What about in an ongoing Shidduch-ever get asked why you are willing to stop dating at whatever point you are up to?
Well, most singles I've known, including the author of this blog, usually try to get away with a simple 'thanks, but it's not for me'. Usually though-the simple 'it's not for me' is not enough for the typical Shadchan. They want to know why, and additional specifics as to what made you come to your decision. Perhaps they can change your mind, or shed light on the situation. Here's a few comments I've heard about from Shadchan in response to a single's reasoning for saying no:
Single: he's a big on the 'big/heavy' side and I'm not comfortable with it
Shadchan: well, of course-he's single so he's always eating take-out and non-healthy stuff. As soon as he gets married and settle down, he will have a more scheduled day and a wife to cook him proper suppers and keep him on track-he'll lose the weight soon after marriage, you will see-they all do

Single: he's too quiet for me
Shadchan: he lives at home and his mother does most of the talking for him, but once he's out of the house and running his own home, you will see how he won't be that quiet.

Single: He doesn't really have a proper job yet....
Shadchan: he's single, so he can/his parents can afford for him to have side jobs-once he's married though, he's made it clear he will take on a more steady job. Of course, he's also looking for a girl who will push him in that direction...

Single: he doesn't really have a set seder/chavrusa/chabura
Shadchan: it's hard for a guy living on his own to set time aside each day/few times a week and keep on schedule. You have the power to change that. A man needs his wife at his side to push him to go learn. With the proper support from you, he will have a set learning time...

Above are just a few 'scrapings' of comments I heard. I don't want to get carried away though, the point of this post is that unless there are serious concerns involved and you feel the Shadchan should know of them for the sake of setting this guy up in the future, the best thing is to keep it simple and say 'it's just not for me'. Going through all the bad points (keep in mind, what's considered 'bad' to you, may be perfectly acceptable to others...) and speaking to the Shadchanim of the guy's terrible personality/manners, but come back to haunt you.
I do believe that (again), if the personality/manners are an issue that you believe will affect other dates-say them, but if it won't make a difference to the shadchan (either they are doing this ONCE off, or don't really know the guy, or just happened across a resume, etc) don't go through specifics. 
I was set up once by a distant family member of mine. Yes, she sorta knew me/had seen me at Simchas and had set me up. Needless to say it was a most terrible experience. When I called her to tell her it wasn't for me she asked for reasons. I was soo upset (this being, almost straight after my horrible date) that I spilled out every feeling I had during my date. A few months later I heard that this boy's mother was going around telling everyone I ruined his name by saying such and such. Trust me-you don't want that happening to you and you never know who will repeat what. So keep it simple & straight to the point-stick with the title and you will be ok.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Tall=Good Looking

OK all you handsome young men out there, and all you TALL young men out there: PLEASE do NOT get offended by this post. In no way, am I referring to anyone specific....

Here's the deal, I'm a single bais yaakov girl, in the Shidduch parsha for quite a few years already. I'm looking to settle down with the right guy and get myself off the market. As a human being, yes, there are specific 'types' that I'm attracted to more than others. However, I will never say no to a guy if he doesn't fit in that box (unless, it is an extreme case=werewolves anyone?). If I think a guy is average looking, or I'm really not that into his look, I will not say no if everything else about him, as well as his info checks out. You see for me, it's personality that really attracts me, and as much as I want a cute/hot/goodlooking guy like the next girl, in the back of my mind I ain't expecting that. Models are for ads, actors are for TV and all other guys are for dreaming/wishing/hoping. I assume I'll marry an average or even-below average looking guy who will be the greatest, warmest, cutest, funniest, sweetest, honest, sincere, and nicest guy and his personality will win me over and yes, I will be attracted to him, but he will never be 'that picture of a guy' I have in mind. Therefore, out of fairness, I give everyone a chance.
I've been hearing that aLOT of guys just tick girls off the list. They can be skinny, pretty, goodlooking, attractive, but if she is not 'blond', or '5"4" or size 2 waist=check marks the 'not for me' box by the guy who it was suggested for.
At the same time-getting to the point of this post, most people think/assume that a tall guy=a good looking guy. True, sometimes it can be the case, but not always so. The last few guys that were suggested to me happened to have been tall. They also happened to have been described as 'tall and goodlooking. I am not that picky in terms of looks, but sheesh-disappointment is the nicest way to describe my feelings when the guy showed up at the door.
We're talking about large-larger than life. We're talking about a need of porcelain veneers, maybe a hair cut? maybe a shave? perhaps a facelift? I know it sounds sooo superficial, but like I said-always give the guy a chance. Yet, when you are repulsed to your stomach-it's sorta hard to.
So, all you out there-please be honest. Either way, we will go out with the guy and SEE him for ourselves, a little honesty would go a long way and perhaps save either the guy/girl if not both, a lot of disappointment & anguish.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Shidduchim Groups

I have a certain opinion of the so-called Shidduch groups that have formed over the past few years. I won't share it on this blog, just in case I insult anyone, but let's just say I am not too fond of them. Yes, I have had to succumb and meet with them, speak with them, hand over numerous copies of my resume as well as photos. Each time I make a call/send an email, I am asked to send my information over and remind them every so often, yet how often do they actual set me up?!?! probably close to nill. I can go through all my sent items and see the numerous (one-way) correspondence with these so-called groups. I just don't get if I'm the only one who feels this way? Did anyone ever find them successful?
I was in touch with a specific group recently, informing them that I am available for dating and traveling if need be. I got an automated response to the likes of 'pay up, complete the form and it will get sent to our system, etc.' I was shocked as I had paid up the first time round, and I did fill out their form, etc. but in the past, I have always corresponded with one 'shadchan' from their group and now she sent an automated email? I had decided to play it down and sent a polite message asking if it would be possible to meet with the group (suggesting I travel down for them and provided them with dates, weeks in advance when I would be able to travel to meet). I had not heard back from the group for almost 3 weeks since that email. 
So, I did the next thing-I phoned. There was no answer. I left a message that I had not heard back. This is what happened:
The next day, I received a call from the 'shadchan', who was really upset to say the least. She explained that now all emails go through the 'secretary', who has her own email address. I was asked to send my info to the secretary, and was read my rights by phone. I listened patiently and when she was done with her 'telling-me-off', I politely informed her that I had sent her the email, as I had always sent only to her in the past and to which she, herself had responded in the past. She was dumbfounded.
Needless to say, I still have not heard back, even upon suggesting creative ways to meet/speak, not one of the people in the group made any effort to call, or even try to arrange anything.
So much for these Shidduch groups.
Am I the only one who thinks they are just for a group of yentas to meet up once a week for coffee?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Same Name? Different Game

So this guy goes to my dad in Shul and congratulates him. We've had this before-the 'kugel-bringers-overs', well-wishers, y'know, when there is somehow a mixup or someone saw me on a date and assumed something and then we get Mazel Tovs, etc.
My dad was confused and asked the reason for the congrats. The guy explained-a girl with the same name as me got engaged. 
We never heard of someone else with the same name as me, have no relatives with the same first/last name as me, and lucky for me-my name is soo uncommon that even, I can't believe someone else is out there with the same name. Yes, she lives in a different city, state, country. Yes-her status is/was different (apparently she was divorced). But hey, in the Shidduch game, there are 2 girls, both from out of town places, both with the same uncommon name, both with the 'single' status, so we can easily get mixed up.
Hence the congratulations.
Now a whole lotta puzzle pieces are started to fall into place, i.e. guys who said they've 'heard of/dated me' before but who I have no remembrance, or record of. 
Well, hopefully now I will be known as the only single girl with my name, or atleast no resemblance of the other girl and things will work out well.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The 10 Most Common Lies in Online Dating Profiles

Think his online dating profile sounds too good to be true? There's reason to be suspect: Most people are dishonest on dating sites. In fact, a study conducted by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Cornell University found that 80% of online daters lie about their height, weight or age. The older you are, though, the less likely you are to fib, according to a study commissioned by, an online dating site where users are voted into the community. Here, we examine the most frequent fabrications, how to spot them in others' profiles and why they're not worth including in yours. 

1. Height Both sexes tell tall tales, but men are more than twice as likely to (literally) stretch the truth. Twenty-two percent of guys and 10% of women in the poll admitted to fibbing here. But the actual numbers may be higher. The UW/Cornell study measured participants in person and found more than 50% were untruthful about their heights in their online profiles, with guys fibbing "significantly more." Who can blame them? "Everyone knows women prefer tall men on the whole," says Erika Ettin, who founded A Little Nudge to coach people on their online dating profiles. And a study from dating site OkCupid confirms taller men receive more messages. The same study shows shorter women get the attention, so it's ill-advised to pad your numbers. 

2. Weight "People lie to embellish themselves, but not be liars," says Catalina Toma, PhD, an assistant professor of communication science who conducted the UW/Cornell study. "Weight fluctuates to some degree," which is why it's a popular characteristic about which to fib. The UW/Cornell study found women and men subtract 8.5 and 1.5 pounds, respectively, on average. Rather than be dishonest, skip over the weight question, recommends Ettin, who points out that people carry their pounds differently. Instead, Ettin suggests truthfully answering the body type question, which most sites ask with a dropdown menu of limited options like "slender" and "stocky." 

3. Physique If it seems like the majority of men on dating sites describe themselves as "athletic and toned," your eyes aren't fooling you-though the guys may be hoping that description will. Photos and activities are better gauges of how in shape your fellow onlie dater is (although as you'll soon see, be careful there as well). As for you, while it can be tough to decide if you're "average" or have "a few extra pounds," you have more to lose by leaving this section blank than by choosing whatever you think is closest. But resist the slender option if it's not your shape. "Your body type should match your picture," says Ettin. "People will know on the first date. You're not going to win over someone by lying." 

4. Age Nearly one-third of men in the study admitted to lying about their age, compared to just 17% of women. Although some varied their dates of birth by as much as ten years, the highest percentage of liars erased or added only a year or two. Ettin says a lot of women round down to the nearest five-year increment to come up in more searches, but she cautions against it. "Eventually you're going to have to tell the truth," she says. 

5. Income When it comes to a man's listed salary, knock off 40% for a more accurate picture, recommends Greg Hodge of An OkCupid study found guys embellish by closer to 20%, but the point is that research confirms that men claim to bring home more bacon than they actually do. "Men in our study thought it was most acceptable to lie about income or occupation than other profile elements," says Dr. Toma. "They know it's important to women." Ettin advises her clients not to answer this question. 

6. Job Type and Title Income isn't the sole career point guys falsify; 42% of men in the survey admitted to lying about some aspect of their job, from their title to how many people they supervise. Women weren't far behind at 32%, but they were more likely than the men to demote themselves. "Some clever women downplay their intelligence," says Hodge. Ettin sees this with her female clients, but she encourages them to tell the truth. "You want to end up with someone who is in awe of what you do." 

7. Lifestyle Other common lies revolve around how online daters spend their money.'s survey found 16% of respondents implied they were better off financially than they really were, with 5% faking how far and wide they've traveled and another 5% bluffing about the type of car they drive. How to spot a liar here? In Dr. Toma's study, these people used fewer "I" statements, so they were more likely to say, "Love to travel" than "I love to travel." It's their way of distancing themselves from their fibs, she explains. Another sign: shorter descriptions. That's because "lying is cognitively taxing," Dr. Toma adds. 

8. Hobbies and Interests "There's a lot of ambiguity users take advantage of," notes Dr. Toma. For example,'s Interests section allows members to check boxes next to sports, but "it doesn't specify if this is something you do often, did in the past or just watch on television," says Dr. Toma. So even those who went ice skating one or twice might check that as an interest. The best advice? Tell the truth. "I once took a woman camping because I remembered her profile said she enjoyed it," says Jonathan, a 39-year-old online dater in San Antonio, TX. "I hate camping, but I wanted to take her because I was into her. Instead, we both had a bad time." 

9. Connections to Celebrities Perhaps the most interesting finding of the survey was that 3.3% of people said they lied in their profiles about knowing celebrities, and 3.7% said they lied about meeting famous people through work. "We're in a celebrity-driven culture," explains Hodge. "It's so much about networking and 'what can this person do for me?' early on, so people try to make themselves sound more interesting by the folks they know." Former online dater Matthew, a 37-year-old from Tampa, FL, says he's done this to impress women. "I once worked on a movie deal and got to take a picture with Matthew McConaughey. I posted the photo because it catches people's attention." 

10. Photographs They say a picture's worth a thousand words-and those words are likely to be lies if the picture's on an online dating profile. Dr. Toma says in self-reports, in which study participants admitted to their own lies, "photographs were identified as the single most deceptive element of the person's profile." Yes, some were unintentionally misleading, thanks to poor camera quality and lighting, but others were purposefully altered through digital editing to be more flattering. Ettin recommends posting three - five pictures. "One should be a good head shot, another a full body shot and another of you doing something interesting," she says. And no photo you post should be more than a year old. You want your date to recognize you when you meet, don't you?

Original article appeared on 

Subway-the new Dating Mode of Transport?

Upon hearing old dating stories from my uncles (they are mid 50s), about how they used to take the subway (no one had cars in those days...) I used to joke that the day a guy would take me on a date by subway-that's when I know it would all go down...
I used to joke. Until one time a good few years back, when I was in Manhattan for a meeting and told that the guy would pick me up at my hotel. Sure enough, I saw a frum guy walk into a hotel, with no other kippah-wearing guy in site-he saw me-the girl dressed tznius with the luggage, and so we walked to one of the famous Manhattan hotel lounges and had a nice evening date. Upon leaving the lounge, the guy asked how I was planning on getting home. Honest-I thought he was kidding. I mean, a date usually means the guy picks you up and takes you home (hopefully, making sure you get home safe?). I never had that question asked to me before, but when I saw he looked serious, and told him I was to fly back that night, and had a car service due to pick me from a friend in Brooklyn, he told me to follow him. So he brisk walked and I quickly ran after him in my straight-skirt, heels, and luggage. I finally got to the turn style, where he told me he guessed I can use his metro car, and I shlepped by suitcase over/through the turn style. Once I realized the reality of the situation (I-SOS, was on a subway on a date!) I sorta had to laugh, but then the guy told me he wouldn't be getting off with me. He explained that he knew alot of people in that part of Brooklyn and being seen with a girl (on a date!) would be too risky, etc. I was appalled at the lack of manners-he was more worried of being spotted with a girl, than ensuring that I get home SAFE. Especially, being an out-of-towner, without much experience on subways...
The guy disappeared, leaving me and some asian women covered in what looked like garbage bags, selling hello kitty school supplies. I saw the stop, got off, shlepped my luggage a good few blocks, then into my friends apartment. I had just a few minutes before the car service showed, called the Shadchan and told her it was a 'no'.
Lately, though, I've heard similar stories-too many. So, my question is-is this considered normal manners in the NYC area, or is this just RUDENESS/laziness on behalf of far too many dates that I've heard about?!