Thursday, January 27, 2011

Well-atleast ONE famous couple gets Back Together!

'Barbie, we may be plastic but our love is real' celebrity toy-couple that shocked the world with their split after 43 years together could be reuniting this year, but only if 'Sweet Talkin' Ken' succeeds in wooing Barbie back.
By Parija Kavilanz, senior writer

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- Ken is on a mission this year. He wants Barbie back.

He's sporting a new Justin Bieber-like look, and a new name: Sweet Talkin Ken.

And he's not holding back in his quest to woo Barbie back -- by Valentine's Day.

Here's the scoop.

Don't be surprised if you see billboards in New York and Los Angeles with Ken professing his renewed love for his ladydoll, declaring "Barbie, you are the only doll for me."

Even better, " Barbie, we may be plastic but our love is real."

Ken and Barbie fans may also have picked up on the famous exes flirting on Facebook, or noted that Ken checked in on Foursquare at the famous Magnolia Bakery in New York to get special cupcakes for his favorite girl.

Ken's thinks he's the ultimate boyfriend but Barbie fans will have to wait a few more weeks to find out if he succeeds in his quest.

Breakup that rocked the world: Ken and Barbie shocked their fans -- and the world -- when the doll world's "golden couple" went splitsville in 2004.

The couples' romance began 50 years ago when they met on the set of their first television commercial together in 1961.

When they unexpectedly split, their PR reps said both Ken and Barbie needed to spend "some quality time apart."

Even celebrity dolls' relationships can crack under the constant glare of the media.

More skeptical observers called it a very clever publicity stunt aimed at reviving sagging sales of Mattel's (MAT, Fortune 500) most iconic brand.

Barbie was slowly but surely getting knocked off the toy shelf by her funky hip-hop nemesis at the time -- Bratz dolls.

So Mattel needed to spice up Barbie's game. What better way to do that than through a carefully crafted split up with Ken?

It brought Barbie a lot of attention.

Mattel repositioned Barbie as a single, independent woman and used the split with Ken to extend the Barbie brand to clothes, perfume and other merchandise that would also appeal to older consumers.

Did the gimmick pay off?

Barbie sales in the United States have improved over the last few years. Now maybe if she decides to take back her "arm candy," Ken could help Barbie become this year's queen of dolls. To top of page

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Burnt-Out Shadchan

It is so hard to please anyone these days....

Here is a partial list of my clients... I could not even get them one date, and that is why I am finally quitting and going into the pickle business.

AVRAHAM AVINU: How can you recommend him to my daughter?? Wasn't he involved in a family feud with his Father over some idols?? Then he left home without a GPS or a viable business plan!!

YITZCHAK AVINU: His brother is an Arab terrorist!!

RIVKA IMEINU: Sorry, she seems nice but did you hear about her Mishpuche?? Her Father's a murderer and her brother's a ponzi scam artist.

YAAKOV AVINU: Okay, he sits and learns all day.. but his brother is a no-goodnik. And anyway, we heard he has a limp.

LEAH IMEINU: Her Father's a con artist, and she has a pathalogical problems. Maybe it is genetic??

MOSHE RABBEINU: Are you kidding?? His parents were divorced!! And worse... they remarried!! And we hear he is in speech therapy.

KING DAVID: How dare you suggest him to our Yichusdike family?? Our neighbor Yentle told us that his great-grandmother was a Giyoret!!

CHAVA: Do you know anything about her family?? We never heard of them. No one knows where she came from and she can not come up with any referrals!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

When Shadchan's Suggest Stupidity

I was reading through BadFor's post when I was a bit shocked that a Shadchan would suggest something sooo stupid as to applying makeup when you're at the gym! I mean, even WATERPROOF mascara tends to NOT be waterproof (think black mascara smudges-racoon eyes, or famous singer KISS makeup job!)
Aside from that, who, I mean, WHO would be spending their time at the gym staring at other shvitzy girls makeup? I get the whole staring around the gym (when you're bored of watching yourself in the full length!) carefully scrutinizing the skinny women, and marking off the bulges of some of the 'keneyna hora' women. But, who actually stares at the red-faced women concentrating on those calories burning, working their (excuse me for this but-) butts off so that they can look presentable for their (future) men.
As if that is not good enough in itself-to be in shape and lose weight for men (as well as yourself), you now have to wear makeup whilst doing so?!?!
Why not get your hair done at the salon before you go (wink, wink)? who cares if it ends up frizzy and stuck in clumps of hairspray/gel/mousse stuck to your scalp with sweat?
What about those who go to the 'women-only' gyms, wearing long jean skirts, and long sleeve shirts? we're all women, who are we trying to impress?! I get it if there would be goodlooking single guys workin out on the bench, with their 6 pack staring at you, but who are we REALLY doing this for?! for the one woman...err...Shadchan who has the most ridiculous suggestion ever? I would be curious to know if she works/worked out at the gym with her makeup?
I think if perhaps, this would be a known segula, e.g. 'a famous shadchan says if one wears makeup whilst at the gym it is a segula to find a husband' - then there would be a whole load of girls all made up on their way to the gym. But until that happens....Rebbitzen Shadchante-keep your stupid suggestions to yourself!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Shidduch Airlines

Whilst discussing the nuisance of traveling for dates, and the types of travel (10-14 hour bus ride, train ride, car-ride, etc.) my friend mentioned how she managed to get a really good deal on a flight out at the last minute. This was like the 2nd time this happened to her and she was sssooo relaxed when she got back-traveling for an hour MAX, going and coming at normal hours and not half-asleep. Traveling comfortably and going on a date like a true mentsch. Unfortunately, not all of us are so lucky as lately the flights have been pretty costly.
But imagine if there were flights available to singles going on dates, it would be like this:

'Welcome to Shidduch Airlines, the airlines that helps enable Shidduchim'.
Women are to be seated at the right side of the plane, men on the left.
In the pouch infront of you is a Perek Shira for you to say during your flight-a Segulah to help bring your Bashert soon IY"H Amen!
Our stewards/stewardess's are here if you require anything. Also take note that they are here to act as your Shadchan. A list of all passengers on this plane, along with their shidduch resumes has been provided to our airline staff and should you find that one of our passengers aboard SHIDDUCH AIRLINES has caught your attention, feel free to ask our Stewardess' for more information, or for a seat change during the flight. Obviously seat changes have to be agreed to by both parties before being made.
Should an emergency arise, we have a buddy system in place whereby each male is assigned a female to sit next to and to aid in case the need arises.
If the air pressure drop in the cabin drops, oxygen masks will drop from above your seats, please place them over your nose and mouth and be sure to keep these on until your stewardess notifies you that these may be removed. In case of a panic/anxiety attach, which are common amongst singles in the Shidduch scene, these are also available and should be used.
All meals are cholov yisroel/pas yisroel/bishul yisroel/yoshon.
All alcoholic beverages aboard are available for purchase for yourselves or a perspective young individual.
Please note there are numerous programs available on our flatscreen screens for personal viewing. These were all approved by local Rabbonim, and the channels available are the following. We'd like to thank Virgin for broadcasting these programs.
1. Marriage Counseling with Dr. Phil
2. The Bachelor/Bachelorette
3. Shidduch Forum
4. Ask the Shadchan
5. Who wants to Marry a Millionaire?
6. Dating in the Dark
7. Dates on a Plane
8. Relationships & How they Affect us
9. Meet the Shadchan
10. Say Yes to how they Dress

Please place all black hats/bent ups/bent downs/velvet/flat/round/all names, cuts, colors and sizes in the overhead bins.
All heeled shoes/stillettos/boots/slingbacks/sandals should be placed in the overhead bins as well.

Duty Free is available a half hour after the flight takes off. Items for purchase are shown in the catalogue placed in the front pouch.
As there are no 'car doors' to open, we have made the option of 'opening the overhead bin to help lift carry-on luggage or what-not' available to any gentleman who wishes to help any female passenger on the flight.
Our airline staff will be coming around with nametags placed on our 'wings' pin for each passenger to please pin to their jacket lapel/sweater/t-shirt/shirt tops.

We thank you for flying SHIDDUCH AIRLINES. Hope you have an enjoyable flight and a memorable experience. If you happen to find your Shidduch, all the better than.
SHIDDUCH AIRLINES-making the dating experience so enjoyable-time just FLIES by

Last Minute Dates II

I mentioned this before-the 'last minute date', yet they still keep happening!
Like I've said, I think last minutes for me are truly jinxed, as each one has a 'story' that goes along with it, I mean, why else would a great, single guy, be stuck in my 'out-of-town' city doing nothing? But, seriously, I decided to take the 'grown-up approach' and not say NO, based on past experience.
Well, this time, it was actually a good friend of mine who called-the minute Shabbos was over. (and why are most last minute dates always on a motzei shabbos?!?) She told me there's this amazing guy in town and she thought of him for before but things never panned out and now, he just 'happens' to be here and was available that night.
Whilst listening, I was slowly picturing my motzei 'girls night out' plans fade away. The plans we made weeks earlier, based on everyone's busy schedules and not seeing each other in ages, where we made reservations and booked the evening out.
Umm, but-when you're single, you're #1 and only priority is (and should be): GETTING MARRIED! So, I decided to get some more info.
Again, how much info can you get when you're being pressured to go out within the hour, but I didn't want to say yes or no right away and regret it later. Being that we're quite close, she did the 'research' and got me info within 5 minutes-yes folks, that's what friends are for. In any case, based on the general stats, it wasn't for me, but I figured, if it ain't for me, perhaps there is another girl in town who can benefit from this evening. I called a friend who I knew was looking for that type and was proud that I took the time to get the info, hereby avoiding being disappointed and wasting my time (and allowing my night out with friends) and getting my friend a 'shayach' date. Turns out, she already dated him-atleast I was on the ball with this one. She also said it wasn't for me. Yay-for reassurance!
Anyway, point of this post-atleast I tried, made the effort, and now know for sure, it wasn't for me. (or as Yeshivish people would put it 'I did my Hishtadlus')

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Women who know their place!


Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul,
Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk
behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban
regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghan women and asked, 'Why do you
now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately
to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without
hesitation said, “Land Mines.”

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go)


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Do Friends REALLY Tell???

I have a dilemma.
I got a call for Shidduch information regarding a good friend of mine a few weeks ago. I was honestly, disgusted with the woman (boy's mom) because of the questions she was asking. Yes-perhaps I am NOGEIA B'DAVAR-as this girl she was calling about, IS a very good friend of mine. But, at the same time, I'm also a single girl in Shidduchim, looking to get married and hoping I ain't gonna get a mom-in-law who cares about such stupidities and asked more questions regarding their bank account than the actual girl herself!
So here's the thing, usually when someone calls about my friend(s), I call them up and give them the lo-down on the call I had, the questions they asked, the answers I gave, and if I'm lucky-the name/number of the caller.
In the case above, I didn't even call my friend, as I was personally very disturbed about it, and I didn't want her to be hurt or disgusted with the questions.
Here, folks, is where my dilemma kicks in:
wait for it....
SHE'S ENGAGED TO THIS WOMAN'S SON!!! Yes, many weeks later they got engaged! I was shocked when I heard the name of the boy and I didn't know what to do. I mean, on one hand I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY happy for her! She's a special girl and only deserves the best, and on the other hand, do I tell her?
Being that she's a good friend, I've held back. The most I'll say (unless I'm drunk or under a hypnotic spell) is that they called me about her and I said the nicest things-which is true. But that's it. I just feel bad cuz I hope this is not a glimpse into the future of their relationship and all that her future mom-to-be will care about.
Do friends REALLY tell their friends about these calls? (especially after the fact that they tied the knot? well, not exactly tied, but still..)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Singles-it goes FULL CIRCLE

I remember a few years back, going to see a Shadchan in NY, who was the 'new hot thing', meaning, he was the one making all the shidduchim at that time and EVERYONE went to see him and he knew EVERYONE. When I got there, I was soo impressed! He took out this HUGE binder full of names, photos, etc. and was listing so many boys at once, it was incredible. Not only that, he immediately asked how long I was staying for and promised me atleast 2 dates in NY before I had to travel back home. He did good on his promise and I literally had a date the next day!
I was so impressed with how quick he worked, that I did what any other single girl would do=I told all my friends that the MUST go see him.
During that time, I sent a few girls and they got set up. We then realized, when comparing notes, etc. that he had a handful of guys and set us all up with the same boys, he just took 1 guy and had him date all of us, then when it didn't work out, he went with the second guy, etc.
Even though that's how most people work-I only realized then, how the Shidduch 'circle' goes.
So, how did this full circle come around again? Well, that Shadchan went out of style as quickly as he came into style=his cellphones are both not in service anymore and he moved away.
In the meantime, every so often someone calls up with a 'familiar' name and after doing more research, I realize the name is familiar because I dated that guy. And then comes the usual phrase 'well, if you dated him, then atleast the suggestion is a shayach one, and since you're both single ANYway, why not give it another shot? you NEVA know...besides, my sister-in-law's niece went out with a guy a few years ago and it didn't work out, but then 3 weeks ago it was brought up and they went out and now they're engaged-see? it could work!'
So, been there done that-literally DONE that=went out with same guy twice, even tho years had passed and BOTH times I wasn't interested!
But, it's quite an insult when the date they suggest was one of your worst/embarassing dates, who you would NEVER even give a second thought about, yet there you are on the phone being lectured.
So let's get this straight folks:

just because both of you are still single=doesn't make it a common-enuf factor to go out on a date again!

ok, now I feel better :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

More Rant on Resumes

Sorry about the 'resume rant' again, but my married friend is on her way to becoming a 'well-known' Shadchan, as recently matches were in her favor and she made quite a few Shidduchim. She's very well-networked, is good on the phone, and resumes keep flooding her inbox, not to mention the floor at her fax machine. She called me over to help her sort the resumes in Alphabetical order.

Me, getting all excited to see resumes of 'The Other Side', aka 'do guys actually HAVE typed resumes?' and perhaps find someone for myself, was a bit disappointed when she explained most of the pile were girls only.

In any case, I did what any good friend would do-I got myself over there, and started sorting. OK, I'll admit I was a bit curious to know how others 'layout' their resume and was surprised at some of the things written, or more specifically HOW they were written.

Here's a new word I learnt: "Para Professional"-that's a fancy lingo for a 'shadow'. Also, if you are a teacher's aid in kindergarten, there are much more sophisticated ways of saying so.

What about 'extra credit' on a resume? I definitely didn't see that one coming!

But there are, e.g. 'choir head, kitchen staff, waitress in camp ___ for 2 summers, babysat 8 nieces and nephews as a chesed to her sistes/brothers/in-laws. Or, helps a kid with his homework 3 times a week, and sings in choir at old age home, etc.

It really got me thinkin-we have got to get better, glitzier, fancier and now...more SHOWY, then my Times-New-Roman font printed on hot pink paper.
Glitter, perhaps? Sealed with a Kiss-as a personal touch? Signatures of 2 clergy from my community? Notarized by my former principal(s)? What do you BOYS/Shadchanim want!?
What specific would make a definite YES (or a definite NO) when put on a resume?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Resume Song ©

(to the tune of jingle bells)

Oh Dashing through my sheets,
looking for my resume,
The Shadchan has some leads,
and must have my info today.

get that faxed ASAP,
and send an email too,
a photo is necessary,
a full length one will do.

oh-resumes, resumes,
shidduch resumes,
how sad it is-it's come to this,
it's the only way,
oh-resumes, DUMB resumes,
shidduch resumes,
how sad it is-it's come to this,
it's the only way.

how does one describe,
your life up until now,
give someone a vibe,
of what you're all about?
what's the winning phrase,
what words make me unique,
there are so many ways,
that make me sound like a friek.

oh-resumes, resumes,
shidduch resumes,
how sad it is-it's come to this,
it's the only way,
oh-resumes, SUMB resumes,
shidduch resumes,
how sad it is-it's come to this,
it's the only way.