Saturday, October 30, 2010

Who's the Picky One Now?

Being a girl, I always havta hear 'nu??? why aren't you married? you MUST be picky, huh?' or 'stop being so one's getting younger you can't afford to be picky', etc.
and personally, I don't think I'm picky, but everyone can 'assume' whatever reason they wish for why I'm not married. In the end, it's all in the Hands of Hashem and no matter what reason people come up with-it doesn't really matter.
But, I always got thinkin and it did always bug me that people think becuz I'm single, I MUST be picky!
In the interim, boys have lists, boys can decide not to go out with a girl for whatever reason, and they will never be considered picky, because in this ShidduchWorld we live in, boys can afford to be picky, being that they have lists and lists of girls, so saying no to one girl for whatever reason won't 'cut off their supply' of girls, so to speak.
Recently, I was 'redd' this boy and of course, they needed an answer within a day-actually, a day was being waaaay too nice=they wanted an answer within a few hours. I tried to do research really quickly, but you can't always get through to your own references, let alone someone else's references at a time that you feel is good-it all depends when the references are available to speak. In the meantime, whilst I was working on finding more info based on the minimal info which the Shadchan gave me verbally, I asked the Shadchan to please try and get some more basic info, or atleast some kind of resume.
When I finally got the information from the Shadchan (definitely past my few hour deadline to give an answer), I felt sooo much better, as I realized I would NOT be dating this boy and I didn't need info from any references-it was all there on his 'resume'. And this is another reason I feel that boys have the upper-hand, no matter how superficial, materialistic or picky a guy is-he IS because he CAN be and people won't even bat an eyelash.
The guy being redd to me wrote what kind of girl he was looking for-basically it was 95% physical (us girl, understand that physical attraction plays a big part and guy's usually havta be attached-BUT) down to describing in detail what type of girl he wanted, from hair to eyes to skin color, to body type, etc. Funny thing was-how can someone NOT BE EMBARRASSED to write that! AND-he wasn't even goodlookin (yay! facebook searches) to even ask for that, I mean talk about Chutzpah!
So, even though the guy said yes, because somehow he saw a photo of me and I 'fit into his criteria of looks', I still think this guy is sooo shallow to have written that on his resume for all to see, especially with his looks, and not have any shame.
who's picky now?!

And I thought I Lived 'Out-of-Town'...

My friend Sarah had a wedding last week in Monsey and asked if I wanted a ride in, as she was gonna drive in and from where we live, it's quite a looong drive. As much as I appreciated the offer (anything to avoid Greyhound!) it just wasn't great timing for me and I had to decline.
Since she was making the drive ANYWAY and wasn't planning on driving in and then back home after the wedding, she called a few Shadchans to see if she can 'kill 2 birds with 1 stone.'
She was really hoping to squeeze in a date or two, and was eagerly waiting for calls back after sending her info around to them.
Eventually, as she was packing her car, ONE Shadchan called her back to ask when she was leaving. She said she was gonna drive shortly and she should be arriving the next day. The Shadchan told her she had 6 boys in mind and 4 were 'too busy' with their schedules. Now she was down to 2 guys and the Shadchan was hoping 1 could take her out for breakfast and another for supper and asked Sarah to give her the address where she was staying.
As Sarah gave over the information of her cousin in Monsey, the Shadchan stopped her and said 'Monsey? you mean you're not staying in Brooklyn??? OOOOOHHHHHH!!! well, then what am I working so hard for? No boy is going to drive 45 minutes to take out a girl in Monsey!'
Poor Sarah was stunned! Here she was making the effort, driving in soo many hours, and a guy wouldn't even think about going out with her because she wasn't saying in his few mile blocks?!?! And here we thought WE were considered out of town?!?!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Is 'Being Nice' a Reason in Itself?

Baruch Hashem, the last few guys I dated have been pretty decent. They were polite, well-mannered and just nice, good guys. However, as nice as they were, there just wasn't anything else there to work with. Personality-not really. Hashkofa-basically. Interests-not so much. Attraction-I wouldn't say ya. So, I just said ya, because these days it's hard to find a nice, decent guy. But then we would end up nowhere. Neutral territory and so by mutual agreement (and sometimes not so mutual) we would wish each other well in the future.
But, then I got thinking, do you continue going out with someone 'just cuz they're nice'? Is being nice a reason in itself to continue dating someone even if there is nothing else there to work with?
Personally, I felt bad for some of these guys as perhaps by me going out with them on another date they thought I 'felt' something or thought there was some 'shaychusness' but really, I was going out BECAUSE they were so nice, that maybe everything else would come afterwards...
In the end, IS being nice a good enough reason to continue? or should there be more to work with?

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Nogeia to Tell or Not?

These past few days have been nuts. I mean, when it rains-it POURS!! Baruch Hashem the phone has been ringing each day. I can't say that every 'shidduch' idea was even Shayach, but atleast we can see that some people try and help out, which is hopefuly in itself.
In any case, not to sound 'ungrateful', one of the calls I got was from a Shadchan I had recently met. She actually tried setting me up with a guy who sounded great but then he couldn't even make a phone call to set up the date! Whilst you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking, some guys call and some don't, which is TRUE, apparently, this guy was the 'type who calls' and just never got around to it, until finally when bugged-he 'did everyone a favor' and called me for the shortest date phonecall ever. In fact, he didn't set anything up, he just said, 'next time you're in town, now my number is on your caller-id, so gimme a buzz and we'll hook up'.
In any case, this Shadchan thought it was weird and called me with another 2 ideas, both weren't at all close to what I was looking for. When I asked her if she even MET these boys, she said no. But then, she came up with another boy and told me to look into it. Whilst us girls have to provide detailed resumes with photos and more than 5 references, this guy's resume consisted of his name and 2 bits of info.
Not much to go on, right?
But, I had his name, I was told where he lived and what he did for a living, so I did some research until finally I found something to go on. A photo, along with his full name, city and profession. Only, when I looked at it, I noticed he was hugging a girl in the photo-a girl with a shirt way below her neckline and it wasn't like a 'sibling' hug, it was like a 'non-shomer' hug.
I couldn't believe that after meeting with this Shadchan and speaking to her numerous times and explaining what I was looking for-she would set me up with a non-shomer guy. I consider myself to be a Frum Bais Yaakov girl looking for a Frum guy who was with-it, but not THIS much!
I called her back and told her, thanks but it's not shayach. Normally, I would tell the shadchan the reason why I didn't think it was for me-like, save the next girl in line, but after discussing this option with some friends, they said, 'rather don't say why, just say it's not for you.'
A few days later, she sent me a quick message asking me to call her and tell her why I don't feel it is 'nogeia' (no pun intended), to help them in the future.
I guess at this point I will tell her (although she might use excuses like-but it was his sister, or he was being 'mekarev' (again, not pun intended) her, but I won't fall for it.
Would you tell someone if this was an issue for you and would save someone else from getting into a relationship where they wouldn't necessarily know this (until like date #3 when the guy sits right next to her and puts his arm around her and she FREAKS!)???

Internet Issues

So, this past week I was having issues with my internet and although I can use my iPhone to upload-it is too small of a screen to scroll through, so shortly, I will upload this week's posts...

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010

Yeshivish With-It

Yeshivish With-It

By Rabbi Yossi Rosenberg

The following narrative is presented with the hopes that - from our follies and foibles - we can laugh, cry and hopefully grow together.

• • • • •

If I hear one more shidduch ‘freezer’ joke, I think I’m gonna plotz. I mean, since my son came home from learning in Eretz Yisroel, that’s all I’ve been getting from friends, family and well-meaning shadchanim.

“Is my son really not going to try and ‘break the freezer’ and date before he starts his zeman?” one shadchan asked me.

I tell him - as politely as I can - that my husband doesn’t feel there is a reason to ‘break any freezers.’ He feels that our son would gain by becoming part of the yeshiva, getting chavrusos, finding his place, etc., before becoming distracted with shidduchim. “Besides, what’s the big rush?” I asked Mr. Shadchan. “What will happen if he waits another few months?”

Oy! A few months in this business is a lifetime!” Mr. Shadchan exclaims. This all-knowing shadchan reassures me that while he respects my husband’s opinion, he had some ‘top girls’ in mind for our son whose families were ‘promising full support,’ but they would really prefer a boy fresh from Eretz Yisroelwho isn’t yet ‘freezer burnt.’

Ha, ha, ha.

But seriously, I mean, puhlease! What will happen already if my son learns here a few months before he starts dating? Are they afraid that he might get his bearings and not be fresh, na├»ve and gullible? If anyone has anything to hide, we’re not exactly rushing to commit to them in any case.

The truth is, I need a couple of months anyway simply to learn all the new and impossible shidduch terminologies. Like figuring out what people really mean when they say so many different things that it makes my head spin. I mean, if boys have a problem that they don’t know what they really want, it seems like girls have an opposite problem that they don’t know what they don’t want! Now, I’m not talking about girls having looong lists of maylos which they are looking for in the ‘ideal’ boy. I’m talking about having long list of contradictory maylos that make you wonder who fed them these impossible notions.

Just last week, for example, when I was looking into a girl and asked what she was looking for in a boy, I was told that he has to be very frum and not chas veshalom ever listen to the radio or be online, but of course he shouldn’t be ‘mufkah’ - chalilah - and it shouldn’t be like he has no clue what’s going on in the world. And he should be a real yirei Shomayim but not ‘too frum’ - Heaven forbid! And he should be a real illui, but of course also down to earth. And if he’s a rosh chaburah,it can’t hurt, but he should be ‘one of the guys.’ And the main thing isn’t where he learned, only that he should be a mentch, but did he learn in Brisk?

The other week, a shadchan called me about a girl who he just knew was ‘perfect’ for my son. He only wanted to clarify one thing: They heard that my son is a masmid, which is good, because the girl only wants to marry a huge masmid - of course - but she also wants to make sure that he’s the type who will spend time with her, go out for walks together, go sightseeing and traveling, etc.

I asked the shadchan whether the girl is looking for a bochur or a cell-phone.

“A cell-phone?!” he asked. “What are you talking about?”

Clearly, he thought I lost my mind. I could just hear him thinking, “Nebach, another one of those top boys whose mother is a kook. No wonder he isn’t married yet.”

I explained that what he told me sounded more like something I’d want in a cell phone: A solid plan, great daytime minutes, but free nights and weekends!

A friend of mine was crying to me about her son. She tells me that she tries to wake him up at 7:00 every morning, but it doesn’t help and she’s so frustrated. I asked her if she’s sure that she was really waking up her son. Maybe he’s such a deep sleeper that he was never really awake.

She said, “No. He’s up. I’m sure of that. But then he just rolls over.”

I told her that at least for shidduchim it won’t be so bad. Just add him to the cell phone plan: Free nights and weekends and rollover minutes!

Seriously, though, if it’s not a cell phone, it’s something else, but sometimes I wonder if a girl’s parents remember that there is a bochur involved in their daughter’s shidduch at all!

Let me give you a ‘for instance.’ A shadchan called me, and from the minute he opened his mouth, I knew just how incompatible the girl he had in mind was for my son. From his first sentence, he didn’t stop speaking about how wealthy the family was. “Your son will have it made,” he crooned. “Anything he’ll ever need - a nice home, ‘bakavodikeh’furnishings, well-dressed children, live-in help. That’s how this girl grew up and that’s what they’re promising their eidim. You should be proud of your son,” he complimented me. (Believe me, I am.) “Not every boy can ask for this, so you better grab this opportunity.”

“But don’t you see how different this girl is from my son?” I asked him. “How her standard of living is worlds apart from ours? I don’t understand why they even want this shidduch. If this is how they brought up their daughter, then what’s important to her is just not what’s important to my son.”

The shadchan tsk tsked agitatedly. Clearly, I wasn’t ‘getting it.’ “What’s important,” he reassured me in his smoothest voice, “is that your son is a top learning boy, and this girl wants a top learning boy, and the father is willing to pay for that. That’s what’s important. Everything else will work itself out.”

This was news to me. Call me old-fashioned, but I was brought up to believe that the home is an integral part of the make-up of a real learning boy.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” I tell the shadchan, “but I have a great idea, and I think I can save this family a whole lot of money. If the learning is what they’re paying for, why don’t you just set their daughter up with an Otzar Hachochmah computer? I hear there isn’t a sefer that this computer doesn’t know, and - although the program isn’t cheap - it’s a lot cheaper than supporting an eidim, I promise you that!”

The shadchan managed a half-hearted laugh, but I’m afraid I somehow offended him.

“Heh. That’s a good one,” he chuckled. “But seriously, you know they don’t just want a computer. When I say that learning is the main thing, I mean that it’s the main thing they are looking for in a husband. Your son would make a fine husband, I’m sure you agree.” (I guess he figured flattery can never hurt. No one says he’s not a top shadchan, and for good reason!) “And we’re not just talking about an empty-headed girl here, either. This girl went to the best Bais Yaakov school - and she was valedictorian! - and she attended the top seminary in Eretz Yisroel. She’s a very yeshivishe girl, and your son is a yeshivishe boy, right? So it isn’t just the learning, see?”

Oy vey, did I see. They don’t just want ‘learning,’ they want ‘yeshivish’ too. Something like an Otzar Hachochmah with peyos!

I mean, we raised our children to be ‘bnei Torah,’ not just ‘yeshivish.’ True, my son has peyos and he would love nothing better than to spend his life learning, but he also was brought up on ideals of simplicity, mentchlichkeit, having proper hashkafos and the purity of the home. He’s a lot more than a ‘learner’ for sale to the highest bidder.

Today I’m told that a boy like that can decide on a high price tag, which may be true - if he wants to sell himself as some designer item in a fashion boutique. I, somehow, would rather see our son as a human being seeking a compatible life-mate. Compatible, meaning a girl who shares his ideals, lifestyle and goals so that they can grow together. I cherish my son too much to just sell him to someone who will flatter him and then bring him down.

Not that it’s easy to find out about a girl in order to know if she’s compatible. I mean, did you ever try making calls to a girl’s friends or family for information? People are so in a tizzy because of the ‘crises’ crisis, where everything - including shidduchim of course - is a crisis, that they’re afraid of saying anything that might cause a ‘no,’ so instead they talk and talk but tell you absolutely nothing.

How do you talk and say nothing, you ask?

Here are excerpts of one memorable conversation:

Me: “Hi. My name’s Mrs. Kamiel*. I’m calling regarding shidduch information. I understand you’re a friend of Dina Cohen’s*?” (*All names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

Friend: “Dina Cohen?! Ohmygosh! I am sooo happy you called about her! She is like top, top, top! I am her best friend and I couldn’t think of a single bad thing to say about her.”

Me: “That’s really nice. I did hear great things about her. She really sounds like a sweet girl.”

Friend: “Right. She is a totally amazing girl. She’s a ball of fun - I mean, not a party-girl type of fun. She isn’t empty-headed or anything. No way. But she is fun to be around and has a great sense of humor. But she’s a serious girl. For sure. Really mature, and she has great hashkafos. But she’s not like all frummy about it. No way. She’s a totally normal girl, frum but not too frum. Know what I mean? And she’s a total baalas chessed; she’ll do anything for anybody. But she knows her limits. You can’t just push her around. You know what I’m saying? She’s not a pushover. Just nice and sweet and - she’s just a great girl. Really.”

Me: “Mm hmm.” (So far, I still haven’t a clue what type of girl she is, so I decide on the non-committal ‘mm hmm.) “So tell me a little about her personality. Like is she outgoing? Introverted? Easygoing? Organized?”

Friend: “Oh, I am so happy you asked that. Outgoing? For sure! But like, she likes her space, if you know what I mean. She is one of the most organized girls I know, but, like, she’s not a neat-freak. She’s just normal. I mean, more than normal. Much more. She’s sooo special. She’s totally friendly, but she isn’t this crazy social bug. And she knows what’s right and wrong, but she doesn’t wear it on her sleeve. Like she can have a great time along with everybody else, but of course only in a kosher way.”

Me: “Mm hmm.” (I still have nothing more to comment on.) “And do you know what she’s looking for in a husband?”

Friend: “Of course! We’ve discussed it sooo many times. She wants a learning boy, for sure. She is verrry machshiv Torah. And he has to be someone she can look up to. But, like, she doesn’t want someone way above her or with his head in the clouds or anything. He should know how to present himself, but she totally doesn’t want a show-offy type of boy. And of course he has to be a mentch.”

Me: “Of course,” I agree. (Nice afterthought, isn’t it.) “So she wants someone who is into his learning, but he should also be into how he dresses?”

Friend: “No, no. I mean, like, I don’t think she wants a boy who is into how he dresses - she’s totally not like that - but, like, you know, she would want her husband to be presentable, right? I mean, she wouldn’t want to marry a shluch, would she?”

Me: “No, of course not.” (There is a long way from being a shluch to ‘knowing how to present oneself, I’m thinking, but let’s not get into that.) “Once we’re on the topic, how would you say she dresses?”

Friend: “Oh, that’s a great question. She’s always dresses tzniusdik. One hundred percent. She wouldn’t even wear anything iffy. But of course she’s trendy and very well-dressed. You know what I’m saying? She always looks nice and stylish, but, like, not in a shrayedikeh way.”

Me: “But you’re saying she is trendy. Like she’ll be wearing all these styles that are ‘in’ these days?”

Friend: (Getting a feeling that maybe to me ‘trendy’ is not the greatest compliment,) “Oh, she’s not ‘trendy’ in that way. She a totally classic dresser. She’s just not like behind the times. I mean, she doesn’t look nebby or anything. She dresses classy, just with a sense of style. Not stylish. Know what I mean?”

Classic and trendy. Mm hmm. Right.

Me: (I’m trying to find a way to sum up what I’ve been told and wrap up the conversation, but I’m at a loss for how to do it. Do I know even one thing about this girl which I did not know until now? She’s not this, not that; she is this, but she’s also that; she’s everything and nothing. True, I have been given no reason to say ‘no.’ But have I been given a single reason to say ‘yes’?) I decide on a simple and honest, “She really sounds like a great girl. Thanks so much for your time.”

Friend: “Oh, please. Anytime! I’m happy to give information about her. She’s such a great friend!”

Me: “Right. Of course, besides for being a great girl, I also have to see that she’s compatible for my son. But she does sound special.”

Friend: “Oh, she is. And you couldn’t go wrong with her. I mean she’s totally yeshivish, but she’s one hundred percent with-it.”

Yeshivish and with-it. Now where have I heard that before?

from the Yated Newspaper:

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Which comes first?

Which comes first?
The Photo? or The Resume?
Personally, I'm not a fan of either. I like it when a friend, or someone who knows me well calls me to tell me that she knows this guy and she thinks its shayach, or she just met a guy and she thinks its shayach, etc.
BUT-in this day and age of resumes, photos, emails, online chatting and online dating, which comes first?
So, according to most people I've been in touch with-you get the resume first, look into that person and then get the picture.
Sometimes, shadchanim will ask for both at the same time, etc. Some people have their photo included in their resume.
HOWEVER, if a shadchan would call you and say, 'they would like to see a photo first and if they're interested, I'll be in touch with you to ask for a resume'...would you be insulted?
If you're thinking to yourself 'who actually does that?!?!' my friend was asked to send her resume to a shadchan last week. She sent it in and didn't hear back. That same week, she had a wedding. The Shadchan called her up the day of the wedding and asked if she was invited. When she said she was invited, the Shadchan told her to dress up and look her best as the parents of the guy were going to be at the same wedding and they wanted to see what she looked like. She went to the wedding and afterwards, when she was in touch with the Shadchan to ask what happened the Shadchan told her-she passed inspection. They found her to be very pretty.
When she asked for the guy's info, the Shadchan told her, well the mother wanted to first see how she looked and now that she approves, NOW she will start looking at the resume...
I guess in her case-'the Photo' (or live visual) came first!

Monday, October 18, 2010

It's all in the Family

I once brought this topic up on this blog before and yet today it came up again.
Whilst speaking to my cousin Sari, she told me this crazy situation that she's going through.
Sari is in the Shidduch parsha for a while now and she's a great girl. I've tried setting her up before, and guys-she's really a great catch. But back to my post...
Sari was redd a shidduch a while back and she said yes and was waiting to hear back from the boy. Eventually, the shidduch was transferred from the original person who 'redd' it to a friend of the boy, to facilitate the back and forth and make things more comfortable for both parties. Anyway, the boy eventually got back to her and said he was too busy at the time. He started a new zman and couldn't take off (they live in two different cities). Sari, was interning and couldn't take off as well, but the shadchan told her the boy would come in in a few weeks.
A few weeks passed and nothing happened. In the end, neither the boy nor Sari was able to leave Yeshiva/job and nothing came of the whole Shidduch. Later on, the Shidduch came up again, this time through someone else and when they called Sari with the idea, she told them it was mentioned before and she said yes. So, in total, 3 people had been involved with redding this Shidduch. When Sari told person #3 that it was already redd, they took it as her saying 'no' to the Shidduch and was hurt by the fact that Sari said it was mentioned 3 times and so person #3 called a mutual person-which now makes the total 4 people who had gotten involved with this one shidduch.
Sari-at this point explained her frustration with soo many people getting involved and miscommunication and misunderstandings all happening because of all these people being involved and messages being passed around. Basically at the end of all this-she came out looking bad, even though, as she explained, she was sitting at home waiting for the guy to call and didn't know what was going on, until person #4 called to ask why she was turning the shidduch away!
So, after all this, Sari gave me a buzz and told me she had a great post for my blog. And the lesson in all of this-the more people involved, the more miscommunication, the more miscommunication, the more misunderstandings, the more misunderstandings the more mixed messages and so on and so's all in the family...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Strange Screen Names

This apparently is true:
I was told by a reliable friend who belongs to one of these Jewish single sites of a guy who's screen name is 'peru u'revu'. Ya, like that name will make some single girl wanna click on it for more info.
I mean, I get the whole 'online dating' situation where there are soo many people, that you wanna make yourself stick out and 'clickable' at first glance, but there are other ways. Yes, it takes a bit of creativity and/or maybe a really good pic, but after hearing about a screenname like that, forgive me, I just couldn't help but crack up.
So, I'm hoping to get a lot of comments on this post. Anyone hear or know of any other wacky screen names? Let's hear it. This is my 'official' online collection of the most wackiest dating screen names out there.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Should We Charge?

Lately I had a few calls from shadchanim, friends, family, or just randoms and asking for my CV/resume.
Ya, I know what you're thinkin: if they're family and friends, WHY do they need a resume? and if they're Shadchanim, shouldn't they already HAVE my info in the first place?
In any case, it has become the fad to just email/fax and sometimes text resumes (if urs is that short). Personally, I hate it and I think it is soooo impersonal, especially when one side knows you, grew up with you, is friends with you, etc. But hey, that's life.
So, I was thinking, perhaps us 'singles' can make a business out of it. The same way some websites charge you to be a member, or some shadchans charge money. For example: Mrs. A calls you and asks you for a resume. Here's how the fee structure would work:
to type it up from scratch: $2.50
email fee (internet cafe, cuz no one has internet): $3.00
fax fee (someone's gotta pay for fax paper and toner): $1.50
If they request a photo, you can break it down like this:
Black and white: $5.00
Color: $8.00
Closeup (not tznius b'shum oifen): $20.00
Full Length (not tznius=shows figure): $50.00
If they want everything mailed-double the price (postage, weight, printer cartridge, photo paper, photo processing)

How Inspiring!

So I've been watching CNN since last night, along with millions of others around the globe and I'm still in awe, while the 29th miner is being rescued.
I mean, this is AMAZING! I'm watching history. Who can imagine, who would've even thought that this could've happened? AND so quickly? AND so smoothly? AND so far each miner walked out of that Fenix capsule with a smile on their face, and was given a clean bill of health! What a miracle! What an awesome moment, and how incredible is it that this 'event' happened in this day and age where we have the technology to have live video feed soo deep under the ground (deeper than the height of the empire state building), where the rescue workers and safety engineers can clearly communicate and see each other. Think about it? Sometimes you can't even get proper cellphone reception in your own basement-yet, these people figured out a way. A lot of research went into every little detail; from the drill, to the 'outfits' the miners wear (special glasses to make sure their retinas don't get damaged, body suits to ensure that they don't get bloodclots from the pressure), to the special liquid diets they had to go on before their rescue, to the exercises in preparation physically and psychologically, etc.
This is a TRUE 'Nes Goluy' for the whole world to see. Also, if you watch carefully, all these miners, rescuers, families who are involved are all very spiritual people-they may not believe in Hashem, but they believe there is a G-d and some prayed before, some prayed after, some were non-believers, yet this experience they went through has MADE them believe.
For us, it is obvious that his whole rescue is all part of the Masterplan, but for these people, if they didn't believe before, THEY, along with the entire world who is witnessing this historical, AWESOME, inspiring event, NOW believe!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

See it for Yourself!

A friend of mine was 'redd' to this guy a few months ago. She looked into it and the guy was totally not her type. She called back the woman and thanked her anyway.
The woman was very persistent in this shidduch and didn't want to take 'no' for an answer. She kept pushing and calling every so often, but my friend wouldn't budge, from her decision. She wasn't interested in that kind of boy and she wasn't going to waste anyones time.
The woman was obviously upset at not being able to persuade the girl. She still wasn't ready to give up on this shidduch though, so she called a lady she knew and who knew this girl as well and told her the story.
Of course, then this other woman called my friend and tried to convince her, but to no avail.
End of story.
or so my friend thought..

A few weeks later, this same friend gets another call from a totally new person in the community, a person she truly respects and cares for. The reason for the call? you guessed it! To tell her about this boy and that she should give it a chance and what has she got to lose, etc. Even though the caller didn't even know the boy. So obviously, one of the 2 woman above called this third person to try to convince my friend.

Now, as luck would have it, a few weeks after this whole saga died down, this friend found out that the guy was in town for a wedding. She only found out cuz she was at the same wedding and happened to have walked in amongst other people (the guy with his buddies-only she didn't know who he was) and someone came to tell her that this guy is at the wedding and apparently he was redd to her months ago but nothing came to be. When someone pointed him out at the wedding, she was flabbergasted! She couldn't believe that THIS was the guy everyone was pushing her to go out with. This was the guy that 3 different people were ranting about and telling her to give it a shot! This guy was sooooo not for her. They were on 2 very different levels of yiddishkeit, to begin with. From what she saw at the wedding and the people he was friends with and hanging out with, from the way he acted and the way he looked (not looks-more like 'levush' ), there was no way she would even THINK about a guy like him.

So, after all this time, THIS was the guy they were pushing her to go out with?! Believe me, that night she was soo thankful to Hashem, that this whole 'coincidence' happened. She made it her business to tell the woman (who even though she praised him and claimed he was a great guy-was shocked to hear what kinda guy he really was) and told the respectable individual as well-who was floored!

Just goes to show-if you're able to 'check someone out' on your own-GO SEE FOR YOURSELF!

Why is it OUR fault?

Brace yourself folks! this is gonna be a ranting session..
The other day I got a call from someone which was basically what I would say, after hanging up the phone, was a therapeutic form for the caller to vent and get things off her chest.
According to her: she probably thought she was doing me a favor and that her job in life was to give advice or put her advice ON people.
Here's how the conversation basically went.
She was at a Simcha where she met a few other mutual friends and they were discussing none other but ME (wow, and I was wondering why suddenly I got an attack of the hiccups!). In any case, these people all decided that I was 'throwing away' Shidduchim and being too picky and saying no to everything coming my way. At the same Simcha, they happened to all notice this cute guy and made it their business to find out about him. Turns out they also made it their business to find out that I was 'redd' to him but we never date-automatically noting ME as the bad one, cuz if he's a nice cute guy according to all these 'professional advice-giver' yachnes and he's single, then I must be crazy, especially since, according to them as well 'I was throwing away all these great shidduchim.'
OK, that was there rant, which this one woman took it upon herself for who knows how long to tell me off about. Now for my side.
This woman, I know personally didn't take 'just any' suggestions for her kids, who are mostly all married off. She would check into EVERY little detail and even travel to meet the girls her sons went out with. In any case, she also doesn't live in my house or with me and doesn't know my personal dating life. She made THINK she does, but, she doesn't. Now, regarding this guy at the Simcha=ya, I was redd to him and even though it wasn't exactly what I was looking for, I decided to give it a try and was ready to go out. However, it was the GUY who didn't commit to even a date. So, the fact that all these people decided I must be wrong, really, p*ssed me off.
Do they know the entire story? obviously not
Do they know me well enough to know what goes on in my life? nopes
So, people shouldn't ASSUME that because everything looks so great on one side, then obviously its the other side that has the issues.

ok, I'm done now. thanks y'all for listening.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

What's the BIG Deal?

I don't get it. No really, I just DON'T get it! Why are girls so secretive and competitive and all 'weird' when it comes to dating. I mean obviously, everyone has their own personal lives and that's cool and nothing has to be public knowledge. But why is it that some of my friends, girls I grew up with, girls I got to know really well, girls that just by the way they answer the phone-you KNOW if they had a bad, or good day, why are these girls shutting us, their friends, outta the picture?
Personally, my close friends usually know when I have a date, cuz I give them advanced notice of the fact that I can't go out with them that night, or tell them which places to avoid going so I don't bump into them or just becuz, we're close enough that I can be open with them and they don't hound me with 20 questions and/or get upset with me that I have a date and they don't.
On the other hand, there are those friends, who won't say anything. I'm cool with that, I understand where they are coming from and yes, maybe they might be those who get hurt when others yap about their dating life and these girls might not have much of a dating life, so it can be hurtful. I keep my dating life private from these friends.
But the ones who make a BIG deal. Who harass you when you don't answer your phone, or respond to a text within 10 minutes, the ones who found out, or assumed that you're dating and then avoid you for weeks, or the ones who call you EVERY single (or every other) day and complain about shidduchim and then BAM-you don't hear from them, they disappear, only for you to find out a week later that they actually were dating and that's why (duh!) they haven't been complaining to you lately. Only, they won't be the ones calling to tell you they dated, you find out some other way.
I'm curious to know how it works with guys. Is it that stick of a situation with you as well?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

After Yom Tov Effects

You know things are going great when you get on the scale the day after Yom Tov and it flashes 'low'.

...then I realized-it was talking about the battery!