Thursday, October 28, 2010

Nogeia to Tell or Not?

These past few days have been nuts. I mean, when it rains-it POURS!! Baruch Hashem the phone has been ringing each day. I can't say that every 'shidduch' idea was even Shayach, but atleast we can see that some people try and help out, which is hopefuly in itself.
In any case, not to sound 'ungrateful', one of the calls I got was from a Shadchan I had recently met. She actually tried setting me up with a guy who sounded great but then he couldn't even make a phone call to set up the date! Whilst you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking, some guys call and some don't, which is TRUE, apparently, this guy was the 'type who calls' and just never got around to it, until finally when bugged-he 'did everyone a favor' and called me for the shortest date phonecall ever. In fact, he didn't set anything up, he just said, 'next time you're in town, now my number is on your caller-id, so gimme a buzz and we'll hook up'.
In any case, this Shadchan thought it was weird and called me with another 2 ideas, both weren't at all close to what I was looking for. When I asked her if she even MET these boys, she said no. But then, she came up with another boy and told me to look into it. Whilst us girls have to provide detailed resumes with photos and more than 5 references, this guy's resume consisted of his name and 2 bits of info.
Not much to go on, right?
But, I had his name, I was told where he lived and what he did for a living, so I did some research until finally I found something to go on. A photo, along with his full name, city and profession. Only, when I looked at it, I noticed he was hugging a girl in the photo-a girl with a shirt way below her neckline and it wasn't like a 'sibling' hug, it was like a 'non-shomer' hug.
I couldn't believe that after meeting with this Shadchan and speaking to her numerous times and explaining what I was looking for-she would set me up with a non-shomer guy. I consider myself to be a Frum Bais Yaakov girl looking for a Frum guy who was with-it, but not THIS much!
I called her back and told her, thanks but it's not shayach. Normally, I would tell the shadchan the reason why I didn't think it was for me-like, save the next girl in line, but after discussing this option with some friends, they said, 'rather don't say why, just say it's not for you.'
A few days later, she sent me a quick message asking me to call her and tell her why I don't feel it is 'nogeia' (no pun intended), to help them in the future.
I guess at this point I will tell her (although she might use excuses like-but it was his sister, or he was being 'mekarev' (again, not pun intended) her, but I won't fall for it.
Would you tell someone if this was an issue for you and would save someone else from getting into a relationship where they wouldn't necessarily know this (until like date #3 when the guy sits right next to her and puts his arm around her and she FREAKS!)???

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