Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Which comes first?

Which comes first?
The Photo? or The Resume?
Personally, I'm not a fan of either. I like it when a friend, or someone who knows me well calls me to tell me that she knows this guy and she thinks its shayach, or she just met a guy and she thinks its shayach, etc.
BUT-in this day and age of resumes, photos, emails, online chatting and online dating, which comes first?
So, according to most people I've been in touch with-you get the resume first, look into that person and then get the picture.
Sometimes, shadchanim will ask for both at the same time, etc. Some people have their photo included in their resume.
HOWEVER, if a shadchan would call you and say, 'they would like to see a photo first and if they're interested, I'll be in touch with you to ask for a resume'...would you be insulted?
If you're thinking to yourself 'who actually does that?!?!' my friend was asked to send her resume to a shadchan last week. She sent it in and didn't hear back. That same week, she had a wedding. The Shadchan called her up the day of the wedding and asked if she was invited. When she said she was invited, the Shadchan told her to dress up and look her best as the parents of the guy were going to be at the same wedding and they wanted to see what she looked like. She went to the wedding and afterwards, when she was in touch with the Shadchan to ask what happened the Shadchan told her-she passed inspection. They found her to be very pretty.
When she asked for the guy's info, the Shadchan told her, well the mother wanted to first see how she looked and now that she approves, NOW she will start looking at the resume...
I guess in her case-'the Photo' (or live visual) came first!


  1. I find the whole concept of asking for a girl's photo to be distasteful. Firstly, after years of tznius messages being pounded into our little BY heads, we're now supposed to email willy nilly our most attractive photos over the internet. Secondly, there's no standard demand to see the guys' photo. I'm not personally into looks, but I know many girls are and they said no to second dates because of appearance. If a guy doesn't want to "waste his time," why should a girl?

    Chivalry is dead, along with any other sort of refinement.

  2. A guys perspective...

    I havent gone on a date yet that I havent known what the girl looks like. One time a girl wouldnt send a picture and I said no to looking into the idea further. I dont think I am picky but come on... why waist time?? Some people tell my that once I get to know the girl, I will be more attracted... GIRLS... do you want to go out with a guy who might string you along for a few fun dates and then dump you bc hes not attracted to you? Why not get that out of the way right from the beginning and know that both of you are attracted and build from there? Otherwise it can be a waist of time, money, and just lead to deeply hurt feelings.

  3. Data: couldn't have said it better. When someone asks me for a photo-I tell them I don't DO photos. However, if they really want-the guy can send me his and once I receive his photo, I will gladly send mine. Atleast I know they're half serious if they send one to me as well :)
    DB: Your spelling in your comment says it all when you write: 'waist' time. For starters its spelled 'waste', and the way you spelled it means the body part-guess for you its all about the physical. As much as I agree that attraction is a major part-sometimes a guy/girl can be 'just average' looking, but as u get to really know them, you get attracted to their personality and then looks come afterwards...

  4. The part that got me most was that the guy needed his PARENTS to give the girl the ok before he even got involved...lol...some guys need to just be a man ans take care of those things themselves...

    Ok about the photo thing - in the "real" dating world, a guy sees a girl, he is interested, and asks her out. However, in this world of "blind dates" you gotta know what the other person looks like before you go out.

  5. This story is AWFUL. Ok, firstly, I understand that boys need to be attracted to their potential wives, but as far as I know, in laws do not!!! This whole situation stinks of running after the prettiest girl on the market. For their own pride and honor, of course (albeit subconcsiously).
    And anyways, a boy should be embarassed to ask for a picture. There is so much more to girls than just being a hottie!
    Besides, all girls look the same more or less, when dressed up or when in a snood and post kids.

  6. Once men would do the proper thing and take a girl out, even if she wasn't smoking hot. Who said you have to string her along for a few dates? You wanna get married? You do what you gotta do, and preserve a girl's dignity while you do it. It's not about wasting time, it's about doing the proper thing.

    And who knows: maybe the girl you end up with will look nothing like the girl of your dreams. Stranger things have happened. Plus, looks can really change over years of marriage (for both husband and wife) for either better or worse, so at least be sure you can have a meeting of minds.