Monday, May 11, 2015

Give me a Chance to make a First Impression!

In my search to find a suitable young bachelor, I'm constantly sent names/numbers/emails of people/shadchans/organizations to be in touch with, who 'know people' for me. Calls are usually made without anyone answering on the other end. Messages are left, which go unanswered. Emails are sent without receiving a reply back, even a 'thank you' to let me know they were actually received and read.
In my correspondence, I've tried to remain polite and positive, yet cannot help feeling dismayed at the lack of courtesy. Whilst I understand people are busy and are doing me the favor, a call back, a text message, an email with 2 words, or just to be told on the phone that it's not a good time to call, is better than being ignored.
Last week, I experienced a brand new "response". I was given the name of a shadchan by an old family friend of mine. Apparently this Shadchan is the new one in town and she's made umpteen Shidduchim and knows TONS of guys. I called up and she answered my call. I gave the whole intro, of who I was, what I was looking for, etc. and waited for a response on the other end.
"Ya", she said, "I've heard of you and your name came up, but you guys don't support yeshivos and are anti-yeshivish so..."
I don't have to tell  you how upset I was at her stupid assumptions and remarks. Just because I am NOT Yeshivish, doesn't mean I'm ANTI Yeshivish. My family actually supports many Yeshivas as well as Kollelim. The worst part is I don't know this woman, nor have I ever actually even met her. Yet, here she is on the other line, telling me who she believes & thinks I am. (and I was the one worried about making a first impression!) Nevertheless, I ended the call with a brief, thanks but no thanks and called my friend back. She too was shocked. She never mentioned my name to this woman and didn't understand where she got this information from, but as she said, even if this woman overheard something-to make such assumptions and then, in her position, pass on that false information is very bad PR for someone like me, who needs a Shadchan who can say good things.
Needless to say, I will not travel to meet this woman, nor call her again. I hope no one calls her about me and I hope she reads this so she will understand how someone in her position can ruin someone else with just one baseless assumption.
Woman-if you are reading this, just thing of the word assumption. People who ASSume things, well, y'know what they say about them...

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Sefira Beard Debate

Someone called me the other day with a comment, that I felt, was really not smart. She was upset that a friend of hers was busy dating and didn't tell her. She obviously found out by mistake, or through a third party, and feeling the need to vent, called lucky ME. After she unloaded how hurt she was and how close friends they are, she ended off with a one liner. 
"...anyway, I don't get why she is dating now, it's so WEIRD, who dates a guy when he has a Sefira beard?!?"
Obviously each person is different. I've dated during Sefira-some guys shave for business purposes, others for Shidduch purposes and some don't shave at all. Some have wild crazy facial hair, some have only 3 little straggles. I doubt any person in their right mind would ever push off a Shidduch for the reason of a simple Sefirah beard. If you like the guy, you like the guy. If you want to wait to see how he looks with or without a beard-then wait it out. Either way, if you're going to go ahead and marry him, he will look that same way during Sefira next year.
Am I nuts? I don't get what the whole issue is?!