Saturday, October 31, 2009

Top 10 reasons to date on Halloween

1. No one will see you, especially when you go out in costume-who would think ur even Jewish? probably some trick or treaters who got lost.
2. Get to see his creative side-what will he go dressed as?
3. Don't need to think of a lounge, or 'fun place' to go to-you can just walk on the streets, like the rest of the costumed trick or treaters
4. For the guy=why spend $12.00 on a diet sprite at a lounge, when you can get candy for FREE?
5. For the girl=no need to worry about your hair-throw on a mask, wig, and/or hat
6. You can go to haunted houses-how cool is that? (wait a sec-it may be a shailah of kol isha if skeletons freak her out!)
7. You get to your true colors (even tho girls shouldn't wear 'red')
8. For guys-no need to worry about suit, no suit, casual, etc. just wear a vampire costume-they're very popular these days.
9. CANDYCORN!!! who doesn't love them?!?!
10. You can always blame ur wacky & nutty personality on ur costume=its all 'part of the act'!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

My Idea of 'Finding the House'

I have to say that I honestly feel bad for guys when they have to date girls and only get an address. Especially if you're not familiar with the area where the girl lives.
Here's how I see it from the guy's point of view: You take our your trusty GPS (or if you're driving a loser cruiser-you take out your trusty city map) or your printed mapquest directions. You drive around in the dark, slowing down by every intersection to make sure you can see which streets you're passing to know that you're headed in the right direction. Finally, you turn onto the correct street, but now you have to literally stop infront of each house, using your nightvision goggles-ok, getting a bit carried away here-straining your eyesight to try and see the address on each house.
If your girl has one of those cool halogen addresses-then you aint got a problem. But what if she's an ordinary house with a number that's been planted on the house since the street was built?
There are 2 choices you have now: Either park somewhere in middle of the block and walk down the street until you find the right house, or if you don't wanna get outta your car (winter or laziness) then you can stop infront of each and every house.
So, in honor of all guys out there, I had this great idea of 'identifying the house of the girl you are picking up'. See, the other day I was in the mall and they had this Harry Potter-Dementor kinda lookin thing, black cloak and all, greyish face, pointy nose with a wart, and the eyes GLOW IN THE DARK! how cool? Anyway, holding a flat tray with treats on it (obviously in honor Halloween). I showed my mom and told her, wouldn't it be great if we got one, that way, when the guy comes to date me, people will say-Oh! SOS? She's the house with the dementor with the glow in the dark eyes!
ok, if that is too non-Jewish to scare away guys (but c'mon, everyone has some kinda sense of humor in them-I would appreciate the gesture!), then use the next decoration for the season-Xmas inflatable snowglobes to put on your lawn!
I mean, the easiest thing would be to live in a castle, mansion or newly 'extreme home madeover house', but until we get there, let's stick with some creative landmarking decors!
oh! and for those of you who think I'm nuts-I just googled Jewish inflatables-there's even something called 'Frosty the Jewish snowman'. Who needs a JC bible scene when u got one of those?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Men in Tights

I'm not referring to the Robin Hood Movie here, but hey, if you haven't already seen it-you really should, although its old, its pretty funny from what I remember.

My alarm went off this morning, as it does every morning at 7:23 and along with the great music, they always have comedy clips. This morning's clip, really got me up and smiling. I believe it was a comedian by the name of Keith Robinson, but I still have to clarify that it is indeed him.

Basically, he was talking about raising his daughters and how with girls its all about the 'princesses'. He goes on saying that not only is it about princesses, but the whole 'princess' things includes being swepped away by the prince in tights who comes on his white horse. and then comes the line that goes something like this: "I told my daughters, why do you want a prince in tights? There are no (good) guys who wear tights and if there are-then they're out there looking for another prince in tights for themselves!"

Couldn't have said it better myself :)
(if any of you have a youtube link, please post, thanks)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

There ARE some good apples out there!

Hey Folks! This post is gonna be different from the usual 'rant' and 'satire' that you've become accustomed 2 on this site.
That's because in the last while, most of the guys I dated (notice I said 'most' and not 'all) were totally not shayach/losers/rude/bums/need I say more, etc.
However, while lying in bed last night, I realized that I should take some time atleast each day and think about all the good I have in my life and what I have to be thankful for. Hence, this post.
So, the last guy I dated was 'redd' through a close friend of mine. In fact, when I usually get 'The Call' from a shadchan or other person doing the 'redding' then we take down all the info and do the research. However, since this was done through a close friend, there was really no need. We had full faith and the fact that they actually met/saw/know the guy really added some comfort to the whole process. So, basically the entire process went really quickly-by that I mean, the guy gave an answer almost immediately and we were 'maskim' to go ahead as well. Not only that, but he was an out-of-towner as well, AND he came in for the first date! (score 2-1: guys) Just for the record, it was a loooong way to travel but I was happy that he was the one doing it, especially since the last few guys I went out with, I was the one traveling up to 10-11 hours!
OK, back to the good news: the guy showed up and wasn't a friek of nature, wasn't a 'thriller-lookin zombie' from the MJ movie (lekavod halloween) and didn't have any obvious really creepy twitches. That was a sigh of relief-ok, fine, I have to show Hakaros Hatov-he was even better than average looking!
Third good thing-the guy had personality! as opposed to the previous few I've went out who were better off at being mannequins.
ok, so the long story short-it didn't work out, but the good news, he was a REALLY nice, honest, sincere guy, from a family full of chesed. He was friendly, funny, talkative and good looking.
People-There IS hope! and that's the lesson learned from that dating episode. So, as hard as it may be to believe there are nice, normal guys around-I know atleast one who's single :)

Sunday, October 25, 2009


So this past weekend, I was 'lucky' enough to bump into a local Shadchan at a Shul Kiddush. Not only was I lucky enough to see her, but she decided to come over and chat to me about the good, bad, and ugly about being a shadchan. Whilst relating her personal stories and phonecalls, she mentioned something that sorta had me divided.

Basically, she was telling me how she set up this girl from 1 city with a guy from another city. Anyway, they went out for quite a while and the girl wasn't sure if he was for her, but the guy really liked her. Finally, she continued to go out and decided this is it-she's READY to get engaged to him. That night, when she made her decision, her friend got engaged and she went to the vort. When she got to the engagement party, she decided this guy she's dating isn't 'the one' and wasn't for her. She got home, called the shadchan and apologized saying she couldn't go through with this.

Her take on the situation: it wasn't fair of the girl to 'shlep' the guy for so long if she knew he wasn't 'the one' for her.

My take: although I do agree with her somewhat, i have to put in my word as a 'social worker' for my dating friends and personal experiences, that sometimes it is not that one party is 'shlepping' but that they honestly don't know if its a 'yes' or 'no', and after asking around people just say 'continue to date until you find a definite reason to give a no'. So, I can't entirely and wholeheartedly say I agree that someone is 'shlepping' someone, obviously they are continuing because they believe there is reason to go out and there is no reason to say no.
Unless, there are other reasons...feel free to enlighten me...I like a good argument :)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Top Ten

So I was reading BOSD's blog about the top ten ways to end a date and that really got me thinkin..
I'm the kind of girl who will speak up for myself, however, when I'm on a date, I try to NEVER insult, hurt or be rude to the guy, no matter whether he himself is rude, pathetic or TOTALLY not my type. So I'll just sit along and smile and walk around the park a few more times, drive around the block a few more times and sometimes sit a few extra hours in a restaurant until they take me home.
That doesn't mean, however, that I never actually 'thought' of escape tactics....
so here's what I came up with:
(feel free to add yours to the list)
1) Make up some medical condition that ends in 'itis' explain the 'drastic' side effects if you don't take your medication on time, and how you're already 1 hour late. TRUST ME, you'll be home and won't have to worry about getting a phonecall anytime soon.
2) Explain how you appreciate a warm home and family environment, especially since you grew up in the foster care system after you spent time in Juvi.
3) So, last night, I had the weirdest dream: Malachim came down from Shamayim and told me I was the next Mashiach! or was it Neviah?
4) Have your cellphone set to ring and when it does ring, answer it in a panic and yell: all systems down, i repeat ALL SYSTEMS DOWN. ROGER THAT
5) Hide under the table/coat rack with your hands over your ears and start screaming how 'they're coming to get you.'
6) Look like you're about to puke and mutter under your breathe-but loud enough for him to hear-'oh no! i think im pregnant....again'
7) After talking about how the Yeshiva system is so tough, explain to him that this is the reason you decided to change genders and are now a woman.
8) Show up in a straightjacket and try and bite yourself a few times (note: you may need someone to chauffeur you back home after he runs away frieked out)
9) When the waiter comes to the table with your meals, hold your hands out, palms up and close your eyes. Once you get this attention, tell him you will now commence saying grace.
10) Tell the guy your daddy is broke :(

Monday, October 19, 2009

Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth...

Gut Chodesh, fellow blogreaders, and best wishes for a month of Bracha, Hatzlacha, Mazel, Gezunt and jampacked with Simcha(s)!
Doesn't it get on your nerves when just ONE person is on your case, and by that I meant, on top of your ever move? Imagine what its like when you have atleast 3 (and that doesn't even include the relatives, well-wishers and close family friends who 'just wanna see u married & settled down already...). This is where it all comes together folks. When Mrs. A redds you a shidduch and the next thing you know Mrs. H is calling your house and telling you she got a call from the 'other side' asking information about you. How does Mrs. H. come into the picture? Well, her niece married a boy who's first cousin happens to be 'said boy' that you are being redd to. Whilst she's on the phone she tells your mother what a great idea it is.
The next day, at the grocery store, the lady from your Shul stands behind you at the checkout line and tells you that she got a call about you. Not only that, but she also happens to be that town Yenta. Not only that, but she also knows the boy's family because her mechutaynesta is next door neighbors with them. Not only that, she offered the boy to stay at her house when and if he comes in to date you.
Now, I don't have to tell you how the story continues, as I'm sure some of you have experienced the 'too many cooks' syndrome. I think, ok, if it happens that people find out, great. But once they get 'involved' either by the phonecall, housing, etc. then they wanna STAY involved and they wanna know every move, what time you're going out for how long, where did you go, when you say it went 'ok' just HOW ok does that mean, etc. and they won't stop there.
So although it maybe true that too many cooks spoil the broth can the same be said of too many shadchanim?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Brand Name Boys

Whilst speaking with my friend Miri the other day, the topic of 'labels' came up, and by that I am NOT referring to Juicy, Tommy, Tahari, etc. I am referring to people labels. We sorta had a discussion about labeling people and whether it is a good thing or bad thing.
Here's the way I see it. I live in a small community, 'out-of-town' and when someone calls me about a guy, especially if the person who calls me and is 'redd'ing the shidduch doesn't know me, I like to know what kinda guy he is setting me up with. So first, I use my own references, but if the guy is from Barbados, and I don't know anyone there, then I use HIS references. In addition to my usual questions, I ask 'what kind of boy is he?' would you say he's "Yeshivish", "Lubavitch", "Chassidish", etc.
Now, personally, I myself don't really fit into any category. As a kid, coming home from school, I used to ask my father 'Ta, what ARE we?' Rivky is yeshivish, Leah's tatty told her she was chassidish, and Chaya's brother said she is Lubavtich'
My father would smile at me and say, 'We are JEWISH' and that was that. I was satisfied with that answer.
But when it came to meeting shadchanim, answering their 50 questions and filling out forms, etc. I didn't know what to check off. There were soo many categories, but I don't see myself as any of them. So, ya, I'm simply Jewish.
However, how do you define what 'type' that means? I can say I'm a Bais Yaakov girl, which used to mean something, but apparently, Bais Yaakovs in different cities mean different things...
So, is it right to 'brand' people? probably not. Each person is different on their own. But is it easier knowing where a person sorta fits in 'hashkafically' to know if its suitable to begin with, DEFINITELY!
There are guys who consider themselves modern, in terms of the way they dress in jeans and smoke, but then they are from Chassidish families and where shtreimels on shabbos. Apparently, they are 'branded' as 'Tuna Baigels'.
There are guys who are MODO, but started off as Yeshivish, and they, I believe, are 'branded' as Hermans.
There are soo many different types, how do you find out where a person stands 'religiously and hashkafically' without branding them?
What do you think?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Keeping Up Appearances

So here I am yet again at the pc. First days are over and now there's a mere few days break until the 'Second Days' of Yom Tov and I feel the need to rant, so I'm gonna let off steam where it's safe and where it won't 'ruin my shidduch prospects', so here goes.

I don't know how it works for guys, but with girls, we truly care about our appearances, especially when we know we're 'on show' for all those 'boy's mothers / shadchans / spies / references, etc'. I'm the type of girl who enjoys my showers each night, puts on makeup everyday, likes dressing up, etc. As my neighbor kindly put it, 'you're the only girl I know who plays basketball in a jean skirt and a full face of makeup!'

So now, here comes Yom Tov, which means ONE shower for 2.5 (half of friday duh!) days, makeup once to last you the 2.5 days and hair that if you're lucky lasts 3 hours. To add to all this, the forecasted rain, rain, and 40% chance of rain over Yom Tov. If you're lucky enough to NOT have rain, then there was humidity, and if not that, than seriously consider yourself lucky!

I think I did fairly well Friday night, my hair was great-if I may say so myself, and my makeup was spectacular.

Then came Shabbos morning. OK, to judge, it was like every shabbos morning, just 'ok', you know, half 'au naturel' and the rest whatever remained from the makeup.

Not to mention those long, heavy meals and for dessert, my mom's most awesome Hersheys Chocolate Cake (and with pareve chocolate). So by the time Sunday came around, I was I gained 2 lbs more (so much for that cute, frilly, fitted black dress), I had total bedhead (and i didn't even sleep THAT well) and whatever makeup wasn't on my pillow left my eyelashes stuck together! Ya, so you can imagine how well I looked which did lotsa for my ego on 2nd day Yom Tov.

Then I remember hearing my seminary teacher saying, 'if you have oily hair and go to shul with your hair on 2nd day Yom Tov, it's a badge of honor that you still go to Shul to daven and not worry about your looks' and I'm thinking, dude, there is NO way I will face the entire community looking the way I am without the oily hair! I have soo much to uphold here. Talk about keeping up appearances!

I sat infront of my mirror and just imagined walking down the street-oh wait! Murphy's law came into play 2nd day Yom Tov=the rainclouds went away and it was a beautiful sunny day! anyhoo, so ya, back to me walking down the street looking like one of the singers from KISS (streaked black eyeliner/mascara), bedhead and 'plotzing' in my straight skirt, with a jacket to cover the fact that i gained those extra few pounds, and watching all those gimme me the 'elevator stair' (starts with the shoes and slowly makes the way up to my head, slowly registering each aspect of my attire and body) and then the face of approval, or in this case 'disapproval' for the potential guy they had in mind.
Conclusion: I stayed in my cozy pjs and comfy slippers under the covers reading some good chicklits (after I davened at home, of course) and this way I can still keep up appearances in time for Second Days.
Good Moed to you all!