Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Top Ten

So I was reading BOSD's blog about the top ten ways to end a date and that really got me thinkin..
I'm the kind of girl who will speak up for myself, however, when I'm on a date, I try to NEVER insult, hurt or be rude to the guy, no matter whether he himself is rude, pathetic or TOTALLY not my type. So I'll just sit along and smile and walk around the park a few more times, drive around the block a few more times and sometimes sit a few extra hours in a restaurant until they take me home.
That doesn't mean, however, that I never actually 'thought' of escape tactics....
so here's what I came up with:
(feel free to add yours to the list)
1) Make up some medical condition that ends in 'itis' explain the 'drastic' side effects if you don't take your medication on time, and how you're already 1 hour late. TRUST ME, you'll be home and won't have to worry about getting a phonecall anytime soon.
2) Explain how you appreciate a warm home and family environment, especially since you grew up in the foster care system after you spent time in Juvi.
3) So, last night, I had the weirdest dream: Malachim came down from Shamayim and told me I was the next Mashiach! or was it Neviah?
4) Have your cellphone set to ring and when it does ring, answer it in a panic and yell: all systems down, i repeat ALL SYSTEMS DOWN. ROGER THAT
5) Hide under the table/coat rack with your hands over your ears and start screaming how 'they're coming to get you.'
6) Look like you're about to puke and mutter under your breathe-but loud enough for him to hear-'oh no! i think im pregnant....again'
7) After talking about how the Yeshiva system is so tough, explain to him that this is the reason you decided to change genders and are now a woman.
8) Show up in a straightjacket and try and bite yourself a few times (note: you may need someone to chauffeur you back home after he runs away frieked out)
9) When the waiter comes to the table with your meals, hold your hands out, palms up and close your eyes. Once you get this attention, tell him you will now commence saying grace.
10) Tell the guy your daddy is broke :(


  1. I'm the same way on a date: grit your teeth into a semblance of a smile and bear it.

    I've found another turn-off, the problem is I'm serious: "I don't want to have a career; I want to stay home and raise my children."

  2. lol! data, u crack me up-u sure i don't know u?

  3. lol, what about when he asks how many children you want, you say 10!

    I did that on the 3rd date, but i guess he wasn't paying attention, cause after he read my blog posts about me wanting 10 children he said he was surprised by that. So I told him we can negotiate that, lol.

  4. Hmmmm, Single on the Scene, maybe, but I never know who anyone is. I'm also all NY (not in the city itself, but its surrounding territory). At least 2 guys refused to go out with me because I'm from New York (not even the city, but the state!)

  5. I'm not from NY, but I would never be against dating a girl just because she's in NY. Thayt's just stupid!!!

    I apologize on behalf of my gender!!

  6. Apology accepted.

    I believe the exact quote was: "New York girls have sharp elbows."

    And I make a point to exfoliate and moisturize too . . .