Friday, January 29, 2010

There are SOME!

Every once in a while, you meet someone and they make an impression on you. Depending on the person you meet, you either walk away, feeling inspired, feeling like ur ego was just minimized to the size of a marble, or feeling like you're on top of the world!
Well, in MY world=aka, the world of Shidduchim, I get to meet aLOT of people. Now, let's put the boys aside for a sec.
OK, so with the boys outta the picture, we have the shadchans. Women, men, singles, Rabbis, neighbors, friends, group, etc. Amongst the emails and faxes, the resumes, the pictures-sometimes you actually get to MEET these people so they can talk with you, see how you look-in person and sorta get a 'feel' of what kinda girl you are so they can perhaps, and hopefully, find someone more suitable. When you're lucky-you meet someone who doesn't make you feel like a pathetic shmatta for still being single (even tho, its not by choice) and being 'old' (whatever age you may be) and isn't the Chizuk Lady.
Yesterday I was lucky enough to meet such a person! Well, honestly, I've met this Shadchan before, but it was a few years ago and even the first time I met them, I was soo 'wowed' by the way I was treated and how I felt when I left there that I just had to go and meet again. To put it in short: instead of sitting through the 20 questions, then Jewish geography, then 'why aren't you married yet?' and then 'well, the guy you're looking for doesn't exist' or 'girls don't want THOSE type of boys', I had a very nice warm welcome. Even though on the phone, I was told that the timing wasn't exactly the greatest, nevertheless I was told to come right away. I was given 15 minutes of uninterrupted nice talk. And yes, the blackberry was buzzing away, but they didn't pick it up, the concentrated on me, took notes and even sat there in deep concentration listening and trying to think of someone. I was complimented on my way out for my cheerful outlook and told to continue smiling. Then, I was treated with the utmost respect, as they walked me out of the house and to the corner, where my car was parked.
Yes, boys & girls-even though they are few and hard to find-there are some NICE shadchans around! Lemme just say, I walked outta there with a smile on my face (which is rare when leaving a Shadchan) and didn't even feel one bit upset that they couldn't think of a single guy for me. Because I felt like a real person!
With that I wish you all an awesome Shabbos & Happy Tu B'Shvat!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Out-of-Town Meets New York City!

Being that it is midwinter vacation (atleast for some of us here), my family decided to take time off and visit our relatives in Brooklyn-after all, who DOESN'T have Brooklyn relatives!
So, being that this was the case, we figured we would get a head start and start calling the Shadchanim to 'remind' them that, 'hey-I'm still around and single and looking', and 'just by the way, we're gonna be in NYC, if you happen to know someone...'
So, I'm the kinda gal who believes that when 1 small out-of-town girl decides to get up and make the BIG move to NY in terms of Shidduchim, and everyone believes this is the magic solution to finding their mate-I say 'there are soooo many single girls in NY, why would people even care if you, Ms. ___, from ____, O.O.T. moved and are looking to get married?!??! so is every other girl!'
Well-guess what? After spending approximately 2 weeks making phonecalls, chasing people down and when you do finally reach them-they only give their email address and remind you to send 2 pictures (1 full length, 1 close up), it's quite frustrating. OK, so I sent a few emails out and faxed the 'resume' to a few of the shadchanim who requested faxes, but so far I haven't heard back from any of them-not even one!
Is this still considered "Hishtadlus"?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Go or No-Go-The Sequel

Hi all,
Huvie emailed me the following update to the "Go or No-Go" post. See below:

So, SOS has been bugging me for about a month now to post the second half of the “GO” or “NOGO” saga, as she called it. I have to admit I have been delaying it-being very busy with work and partly because writing what happened still makes me feel somewhere between happy and irritated.

To put it simply: I caved. I’m the kind of person who finds that when it comes to parents + dating it’s just easier to give in, so to speak. So after feeling completely stressed out and speaking with the shadchan for ONE hour, I decided I would go to my personal worst place in the world, better known as NY and stay for 2 days to meet this guy. Now I live out of town so traveling is difficult and time consuming. My parents kept giving me the “don’t do this for me only for you” speech about a million times, and in my head I kept thinking I’m only doing this because if I don’t, I’ll NEVER hear the end of it.

The evening of my departure was hectic having come home from work late, and to top it off I was really not feeling well- shivers, aches and pains and the worst possible feeling for any traveler=NAUSEOUS. And still I traveled overnight, arrived and was dead to the world for about 6 hours. Still feeling semi-gross, as evening approached I prepared to meet the guy who wouldn’t come and meet me. Luckily, I was staying with relatives which sometimes makes life easier, and as 7:30 approached my face flushed, my head throbbed and I still felt as though I would puke my guts out at any moment.

He arrived 10 minutes late, looking somewhere between average and slightly below, shorter than I (and I’m not that tall at all), with the usual rudeness that seems to accompany guys everywhere these days (no offense to those guys who are polite-you are a select few). He seemed quite ignorant of any subject that didn’t directly pertain to the state of New York or New Jersey and did not once mention anything about traveling. After a rather painful 3 hours, we got in the car and he asked how long I was staying. In my head I felt completely uninterested and knew I would be leaving the next night, but still I decided to give him an opening and said “I’m here all day tomorrow and I leave tomorrow night”. Soon, he dropped me off at the wrong corner, pulled away and as I climbed the stairs and got into bed, reminded myself that the Shadchan asked me to call her the next morning.

I slept until 10, when my mother called saying that she had already called the shadchan and that they still had not heard back from the guy. Secretly I was thrilled, but my mother insisted I call the Shadchan again at 11. I didn’t but my mother did, and still no news. At 12 my parents called furious that someone could be so rude, either it’s a YES or even better in this case a NO, but don’t leave someone hanging, I could be doing something productive with my day. At 12:30 the Shadchan called me directly and the first words from her mouth (in the authentic Brooklyn acvent) were “fuggetabout this boy he’s CRAZY!” and with that she apologized profusely. I explained to her that before I went out with him I thought him to be rude but this just confirmed it. She felt bad, I was relieved but annoyed with myself for wasting precious vacation days on some LOSER, who apparently thinks he’s god’s gift.

With half the day gone, I got little done, but headed home secure with the knowledge that I was not to blame. Feeling quite exhausted I wondered why girls do this to themselves all the time. We are told to be flexible so we bend over backward to get a date, exercise our appearance to the max, and stretch our self esteem until we are nothing more than selling ourselves short. All for some guy who doesn’t even posses the most basic characteristic of common courtesy and manners. So dear readers what is the moral of the story?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Just a Small Reply would do!

SOS here, ranting on yet another topic that is now starting to really bug me.

In this day and age, when we're all about 'just email your resume with 2 pictures of yourself; 1 upclose and 1 full length" I think it's only courteous for the Shadchans-aka people whom you are sending your most personal information to (your shidduch resumes), atleast acknowledge receipt of your email.
After all, one small typo and all ur info can go to that guy you date two years ago, or the creepy guy who works at the supermarket and packs your groceries in bags while eyeing you up and down.
So, what's the big deal? just click 'reply' and type 'received'.
Then, 3 weeks later, you call to bug the shadchan and they inform you they never received your email. So those 3 weeks you're feeling bad to bug the shadchan and they never even received your info to begin with! See how such a small simple click and one word answer can work wonders?
Agree or Disagree?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Can Single Girls have Good Hair Days?

Good thing I had a double expresso this motzei-I get to sit here and publish all the pending posts from this past week:

I'm the kinda girl who will go to work each mornin, half asleep (work starts at 9am, I get outta bed at 8:35 and drive to work half asleep-but B"H it works for me and I'm still gettin my paycheck), nicely put together (no trashy jeans & t-shirt) and with my hair pulled back. Pulled back=pony tail, chignon, messy bun, all up with mush in a fancy shiny clip or if my hair is still wet from the night before's shower=wear it down and curly, but with a bobby pin so the hair is outta my face.

In any case, being that I work with approx. 15 co-workers and apparently they all seem to be used to my daily attire and 'look', it's hard to actually look good without reason.

Here's an example. Last week I got a haircut. Usually I get a hair appointmemt in the evening, get it cut and blowdried and the next day it still looks great and I get all the usual comments="oh, she MUST be getting engaged-look at how good her hair is", or "do you have a wedding tonight? Why is your hair done?" This week it was pretty booked and so the only hair appointment available was during lunch break. Hence, I got to work with messy up-hair and presto-came back from my lunchbreak lookin like a moviestar (YES! my hairdresser is REALLY THAT GOOD!) For the rest of the day, the comments kept flying, the married women kept shushkinning in their corners, etc. I was asked about 8 times why my hair was soo good (excuse: I got a haircut wasn't good enough-there had to be a better reason). It was drivin me nuts!

Luckily I don't cut my hair that often and usually when I have a Simcha or an occasion, then ya, I wear my hair down and it looks good. But when a single girl looks good-then it raises eyebrows and questions!

It is so frustrating-even tho, I must admit, I like making people crazy and whispering loudly on the phone when the are near and saying 'unofficial' just to watch them go nuts, but when you look good-you feel good, and a single girl can't feel good without having a good reason apparently!

Folks-am I wrong for wanting to just get my nails, makeup, or hair done just because and not for any specific reason? Why do I feel the need to even MAKE UP a reason when people ask? Or does that mean that I don't look good on a regular basis? If so-help! I need get myself a standing appointment at the salon!

How to Tell?

I was in touch with a Shadchan who mentioned this guy who she thought would be shayach for me when the name sounded familiar.
I looked it up in my database (yes, I actually do have a REAL database with all info on guys that are redd to me and that I date-I must admit it is pretty cool, especially considering I don't know how to use access) and lo and behold I already went out with him.
I thanked the Shadchan and politely told her I had already dated him and he wasn't for me.
Basically, she then grilled me and asked for specific reasons why I didn't think he was shayach and asked for qualities a guy that I would like in a guy which he didn't have.
Now-I don't like to compare people, becuz people are incomparable-that's what makes them individual (hopefully) so I gave her a few examples of what would attract me in a guy (without mentioning any McDreamies or romantic proposals) and again mentioned to her clearly there was nothing wrong with the guy she mentioned, there just wasn't anything there and I have no regrets til today for saying no.
So get this: she still was pushing and convinced me that perhaps I just didn't get the whole picture and really don't know what he is all about. At this point, I was really frustrated-I agree a Shadchan has to be pushy, but to a certain extent. I'm the kinda gal who HATES pushy people, all it does (to me) is push us more away and not convince us further. I had to explain over and over again I wasn't interested until 10-15 minutes later she wished me Hatzlacha.
Is there a quicker way to get the point across clearly for next time?

Shadchan Shindigs

Speaking to a group of girls when my friend Estie decides to share her recent shadchan shindig story, which I think topped it off for the night.
A Shadchan (guy) called to redd her a Shidduch and at the same time mentioned a condition the boy had, which wasn't serious.
Estie's mom told the Shadchan nicely that it wasn't for them.
The Shadchan spent the next few minutes telling her mom off, explaining that Estie is now in her mid twenties, is no spring chicken and shouldn't be so choosy.
To top it off-the last one liner before ending his argument: "besides-what do you expect? All the good guys are taken!"
Dunno how I would react to that line other than slamming the phone down.

Update of my Proud Perseverence!

So, as promised, here's what happened to my date who flew in to see me this week:
1. Firstly-HE came HERE :D
We went out. He showed up and I wasn't really attracted to him, but I know, I know-there aren't many Jewish McDreamy or McSteamys out there, so I don't expect much, but honestly, I would rate the guy as below average-but that was just the first 5 minute impression.
We had a nice date, chatted for a while, etc. and then, being that he wasn't familiar with the areas and places, the date was basically over but before the !!! 3 hour official mark!!! So when we got back to the car I realized that it might look bad and took him for an hour tour of the city. At that point, I wasn't interested at all in anything about him-but he asked me out again and I dunno why, but I said ya.
Obviously, 2nd thought won over-that and the fact I said yes to him.
We went out again and still wasn't interested but remained polite and talkative.
So to recap:
a) glad I didn't have to take a 10+ hour bus ride to see him or $500+ flight
b) atleast he wasn't a friek or pervert or major weirdo
c) it's OVER, no emotional turmoil!

What a Week!

sincerest apologies fellow readers-but this week has been sooo hectic that I haven't had a chance to post my almost daily blog entries, but gimme 20 minutes and I should have some interesting readying for u and as always-we welcome all comments :D

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Perseverence Pays Off!

Good News y'all! (ok, I just threw in the western/southern accent-just. well just cuz)
In followup to my last post, I decided to take charge-or, well, basically the Shadchan called to ask me to make a move and then when I told her I would let her know if I could take off work and didn't get back to her that day-she sent me an email!
Anyway, at the request of my friend, Ruchie, I sent the Shadchan an email informing her that I would not be coming in and whenever the boy was able to make it to town, I would work around him, in terms of timing for the date, accomodations, etc.
Well ladies & gents: perserverence paid off! Yup, you're hearing it all from 'The Source'. Cuz 2 days after my email, the shadchan emailed me that the guy is driving in this week. Talk about quick (especially after this has been shlepping for a few weeks).
So, as some girls/guys may feel pressured into doing things, don't allow yourself the extra stress and pressure, especially if you feel that you are right and comfortable with your decision. Even tho, some people definitely need an 'extra push', but the main thing is: stick to your guns and you never know-perseverence may just pay off in your situation!
will update you as to how it goes....

Thursday, January 7, 2010

delay tactics...

Ever use delay tactics, or better yet, has anyone ever used delay tactics on YOU?
I'm a victim of delay tactic #35987 (ok. perhaps I am exaggerating-but I've had my share...)
Here's the deal:
This guy was 'redd' to me say, abut 3 weeks ago.
He's from out of town, so I hadta track down the few people I know who are either
a) from that same town
b) married someone from that town
c) has a sister/brother living in that town
d) used to live in that town, etc.
This was redd round xmas time, so whoever I called was on vacation or taking the day off, hence I couldn't get through to anyone, which delayed the 411 process.
When I finally did get through to the people 'in the know' 2 of them didn't know this boy. One mentioned he saw the dad every so often but that was all he knew about!
Finally, a week after it was 'officially suggested', the Shadchan calls and says the boy's mother is wondering what is taking so long...ya that 'boy's mom thing' ain't really a turn on (specially when you know that the guy took more than a week to look into you and give the go ahead) but these days its all about the boys moms, so what can u do? Anyway, they need an answer and Im trying to get thru to my last contact of that town. At last, she calls back, it happens to be her neighbor and she knows the family really well.
I call back the shadchan and give the go ahead. Shadchan tells me she will see if he can come in to date me first.
A few days later, the Shadchan emails me to say the boy isn't feeling good.
The next week she emails me stating that he is really busy, work has come up and he can't come i.
The next time she emails me asking if I can come in the next week.
Stalling tactics? Me thinks yes!
Excuses? definitely-altho no extra points for non-creativity of reasoning.
How do we get this guy to actually get off his rear and get himself here to date? NO CLUE!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Starting off the new year with a BANG!

Happy New Year!
This post will NOT be about Shidduchim-I know, you're all surprised, but I still feel the need to share this with my fellow blogreaders.
This evening, being it 'Erev New Years', the entire city closed shop by 5:00 pm. My dad and I made a pact that we would go to this place tonight, a place he would always take our family, when we were kids that had a whole decorated 'window' with little moving animals, a train, a workshop, etc. It was good memories, of old-fashioned family fun and most of my friends grew up going to the same place with their families each winter. Well, this winter we didn't have the chance to go and even tho we're all grown up, it was like one of those nostalgic things u remember doing and wanna relive the 'magical moments' and being that everything else was closed and nothing played on TV, we figured tonight would be the perfect night.
So, it was just me and my dad and on the way, we stopped by my favorite quant little bakery and filled up on the goodies. Sure enough, on the way to 'our place' we had to pass through downtown, which obviously was packed with clubs, drunk people, lotsa noise, etc.
We pass by and find a parking spot RIGHT INFRONT OF THE PLACE (which is almost impossible at the best of times). As we pull into the spot, I notice a homeless man sitting square and center on the floor, right infront of the place and I mentioned to my dad that he got front row seats. The next thing I know, there is a really loud BANG and a bump and people are pointing a the front of our car. Seemed we hit a piece of metal (=loud noise and bump) and the pedestrians saw and made sure we knew of this. Even the homeless man got up and knocked on the window, he wouldn't give up. When we opened the window just a drop (I have a small phobia of homeless people) he said we had a flat and he could change our tire. Immediately I told my dad this was a bad idea, I mean, for all we know, he could also be cousins with the Queen of England and his name could be Michael Jackson, but if we have CAA, now we'll make use of it. So we go ahead and call for a tire change. We were on the phone with service for 25 minutes as they couldn't track down any company to help. The guy kept apologizing for the wait and said he final tracked a company down but they could only come in 2 hours. Anyway, when we heard this and it was getting closer to midnight, the homeless guy knocked on the window again asking us if he can change our tire, etc.Finally, my dad gave in, we realized we didn't have a choice-either wait 2 hours if someone actually would be able to come out then, or rely on the homeless guy who claimed he used to be a mechanic.
I watched as my dad gave the guy all the tools and then called home to 'update the family' on our surprise outing. Sure enough when I hung up the phone, I see another guy standing with my dad and the homeless guy. Turn out this 'other guy' was passing by and happened to offer his help. He aso happened to be a car dealer, so he knew what to do and how to change a tire-plus, he looked clean and seemed decent. All this seemed quite weird as I'm the one who 'pretends not to see' the homeless people and I wouldn't even accept his offer or this other guy who walked up to my dad and who also happened to be a 'Yishmaeli'.
Long story short-20 minutes later, the tire was changed. My dad paid both guys for their time and we were on our way back home. Unfortunately, I got in as 12:02 and 'just missed the ball drop', but atleast we got home safe and sound and no at a crazy hour. B"H both men were decent men and just 'good goyim' probably starting off the new year with a good deed. So, ya, I'm sure there was a reason for the flat tonight and for the homeless and yishmaeli to help us. I must admit, I was extremely hesitant at first, but B"H im back home and ok.
So, public thanks to Hashem that (1) we got the flat at a parking spot and were in a safe spot (2) no drunks, or crazy people attacked us (3) homeless guy didn't steal our money and/or car or start up (4) Yishmaeli didn't hurt or attack us. (5) he just happened to be a car dealer and knew how to tire change our model vehicle (6) the homeless man was there when we got the flat and he knew a well.
Happy New Year to all of ya and may you always 'bump' into the 'good goyim' if you ever find yourself in need of one.