I was in touch with a Shadchan who mentioned this guy who she thought would be shayach for me when the name sounded familiar.
I looked it up in my database (yes, I actually do have a REAL database with all info on guys that are redd to me and that I date-I must admit it is pretty cool, especially considering I don't know how to use access) and lo and behold I already went out with him.
I thanked the Shadchan and politely told her I had already dated him and he wasn't for me.
Basically, she then grilled me and asked for specific reasons why I didn't think he was shayach and asked for qualities a guy that I would like in a guy which he didn't have.
Now-I don't like to compare people, becuz people are incomparable-that's what makes them individual (hopefully) so I gave her a few examples of what would attract me in a guy (without mentioning any McDreamies or romantic proposals) and again mentioned to her clearly there was nothing wrong with the guy she mentioned, there just wasn't anything there and I have no regrets til today for saying no.
So get this: she still was pushing and convinced me that perhaps I just didn't get the whole picture and really don't know what he is all about. At this point, I was really frustrated-I agree a Shadchan has to be pushy, but to a certain extent. I'm the kinda gal who HATES pushy people, all it does (to me) is push us more away and not convince us further. I had to explain over and over again I wasn't interested until 10-15 minutes later she wished me Hatzlacha.
Is there a quicker way to get the point across clearly for next time?
That's why I don't deal the self-proclaimed "professional" shachanim. They drive you crazy, and no date results, or the date is for some drooling idiot and I should be doing a dance, in their estimation.
ReplyDeleteOnce some crazy woman called up, refused to give her name, and when my mother was trying to say no she began to holler, and in panic my mother just said yes.
I still cry a little when I remember that date.