Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Ringing in the New Year-Alone

When I was younger I used to always be jealous of the older kids who got to stay up and watch the 'ball drop'. Tho I never knew what 'the ball dropping' actually was and why it was exciting, I just remember thinking they got to stay up all night long. 
Then I grew up. I stayed up late watching with my older sibs, then alone, then my younger teenage sibs. All the couples huddling into each other with frosty breathe and funky 2000 new year glasses. All the romcoms where the couples share a kiss at midnight. It's sweet to see, even though in retrospect it's kinda stupid. For us, New Years means nothing. It's iust a different date big WOOP. I go on Lotsa diff dates-lol!
All kidding aside, even though it's quite meaningless, each year as I watch sitcoms, movies, and even the real ball drop, I sorta get this lonely feeling, like I would wanna do something crazy and party all night long-with a HUBBY/boyfriend. I would wanna freeze my buns off in timessquare after. The hours of traffic it would take getting there and say we experienced this crazy thing together that is a once in a lifetime thing. 
I know it sounds meaningless and stupid and ever so girly, but sometimes you just have to enjoy the stupid things in life that you can do together and laugh about after. 
So here's to all the single gals/guys taking in the new year alone, or perhaps you have a bottle of Jonny walker, starbucks or Whoever with U. 
May we all celebrate many new things together!
Happy new year

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Travel excuses

Don't you just hate it when both the guy gives a yes and you give a yes and everything is set to finally schedule a date, however travel technicalities creep up?
Story of my life. Usually, being the girl, I'm the one doing the traveling. Actually to be fair, lotsa times the guys have come here for a first date. Yes, the "actual WORKING" guys. The doctors, lawyers, business owners, etc. But every so often, things come up and one party is nut able to travel, leaving up to three more flexible party to do the traveling. 
Lately, I've dated guys who have come up with the oddest excuses for not being able to travel, and I felt compelled to share these excuses with you, my dear readers. If you have any additional creative excuses, feel free to add it in the comments below. 
10. Can't find a flight, they're all's booked. 
9. Has a wedding, bar mitzvah, family simcha, exam, meeting. 
8. Has his passport stolen. 
7. Can't travel as he just took off (for vacation with his buddies for 2 weeks in Vegas). 
6. His Rabbi told him it's bitul zman if he takes off. 
5. Even though he works in an online company, apparently there's no internet access anywhere else in the world, other then his place. 
4. He can't leave his roommate, who is in a terrible state after just having broken off a shidduch. 
3. He doesn't feel comfortable going to places he's not familiar with. 
2. He's on the watchlist. 
1. He gets carsick, and airsick (apparently that exists)

Monday, December 15, 2014

When the Shadchan creates the Shanda

Most people would agree that communication is key to any relationship. 
Dating is hard enough as it is, especially FrumShidduch dating. Everyone is on edge, nerves, on their best behavior and its hard to read into people. Personally, even if the guy is the biggest nerd, or most obnoxiously chauvinistic, I will still remain friendly and smile until he drops me off . Hence the guy always thinks I'm interested by the end of the date, when in truth, I'm just yapping away, hoping he will take me home.
Which is why there are Shadchanim (or atleast, why I would like to think Shadchanim are there). They can act as a buffer, hear out both sides, and be your "true" voice when speaking with the other side. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the Shadchans plan out the entire wedding in their head before you even get into the guy's car for the first date. When you come back and tell  them it's not for you, they just won't hear of it. They have made up their mind, as well as your future life together, it's already all planned out in the Shadchan's head. No matter what you say, the Shadchan will not relay your true feeling at this point, to the other side. They may convince you to 'give it another try' and go out again, or perhaps 'sleep on it' and call them back the next day. Meanwhile, all  you want to do is politely DECLINE.
The other side will get a totally different picture of what you're thinking and the guy might even end up calling you asking about a second date. umm, helllllooo?!?!?!Where did the Shadchan go and why was the message not relayed?
I had this happen to me twice, first the Shadchan was in love with the guy they set me up with and even after giving it a few tries, the Shadchan still wouldn't hear a 'no'. To the point that the Shadchan told me they cannot tell the boy no and hurt him, therefore I would have to do the dirty work myself. Which, in that case, I was forced to do. But rather tell the guy no, than let him wait around or perhaps think I was interested.
Another time, the Shadchan called me right before my date to tell me to handle it myself as we were all in different timezones/countries and with the time difference, as well as cellphone roaming/internet connection as well as the fact that both myself and the guy were only in the same city for 2 days, the Shadchan just dropped the guy in my hands. I must admit it was quite awkward when the guy leaned over in the car asking what time tomorrow he should pick me up and I hummed and hawwed and made up excuses and said I would call back. In truth, I was a coward=I couldn't say no to his face, yet there was no chance in H E double hockeysticks I would date him again. So I smiled, thanked him, promised to let him know, and then texted the Shadchan to call him first thing,
Oy! why does this have to be such a complicated mess?!?!

Six13 Shake it Off

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Switching Roles

After reading Frumanista's post about guys ending dates a bit too late, it sorta got me thinking. I remember that a guy once came in to date me. He didn't have a car and didn't know anyone in the city. Nor did he plan on renting one. I mentioned to him that I can borrow my mom's car if need be and he shouldn't worry about finding a car and he just seemed pleased. 
When he arrived I asked if he prefer me to drive or if he was comfortable driving in a strange city. He suggested I be the driver. 
I must admit it was strange. The entire time I was thinking: do i open th car door for him? Do I ask if the air/heat in the car is ok? What about music?
Suddenly it dawned on me what guys must go through and/or think. Thre is so much thought or perhaps I we just overthinking things cuz I'm a woman?
Again, when we went out (my choice of place as it was my city) I kept thinking-do I end the date or wait for him? Since I have the car keys does it make me the guy in the relationship tonight? From the driving to finding the place to choosing the dating activity it was aLOT of thinking, planning and decision making. Mostly it was weird as I had to drop him off at his place of stay and drive myself home. My luck was I knew it wasn't for me so I cut it short when I pulled up to the place and told him I had to get home and drove myself. 
The best part-not having to be walked to the door and waiting/chatting at the door with someone I wasn't interested in. 
So guys, I feel for you. It must be hard trying to read us complicated girls and figure us out and then decide how to move on from there. 
The date really taught me a lot and put the whole thing in perspective. 

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Age isn't something to tamper with

So my friend Mimi called me the other night to tell me about a shidduch. She met the guy at a wedding last week and he seemed really nice. She asked if I ever heard about him and went on to describe him, after I let her know I never heard his name before. 
When I asked how old he was she gave me an age that was a bit higher than the age range I'm comfortable with, but if all other information seemed suitable, then it would be something I would overlook. Mimi told me she would send him my info and get back to me. 
In the interim I took the liberty to do a quick google search. Only to have it confirmed that he is atleast 2-6 years OLDER than he told her. 
So, who to trust now? Why lie about age when it's something I will find out about anyway?

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

When it's a NO-GO...

There are times when, within the first few minutes that a guy shows up, you just know it's not gonna go any further. Be it for his looks, personality, attire, Middos, etc. sometimes it's just that obvious. 
As a girl, I'm proud that I've been brought up to be polite and sit out the entire date until the guy drops me off and then say thank you.
However, as a girl, I've also experienced the other side of the coin, when the guy clearly knew it wasn't shayach for him and made it quite clear by the way the entire date went. Just a few examples listed below will clearly show you how one shouldn't be treated, even when you know there's nothing to talk about. It can never hurt to be a mentsch and treat someone like a mentsch.
Once I traveled in for a date. The guy had rave reviews about him and we were due to go out for a lunch date. He showed up, was checking his phone the entire date, went to a restaurant where I was ignored as if I was a piece of furniture and he checked his phone and then 40 minutes later, he dropped me off. How did I feel? I would've rather stayed home in pjs, had a tub of ice cream and made myself a sandwich, eating it alone, rather than be someone's lunch company.

A separate time, I went out with a guy, who was also praised to the utmost on going out of his way to help others. The guy picked me up, complained the whole car ride about the place he was taking me (even though this clearly, was the place of his choice), didn't ask me anything most the date, shuffled around and looked like he was ADD. On the way home he decided he was hungry, so he double-parked, asked me to stay in the car in case a cop came (allowing me to move his car if need be), left me sitting there at night for a good 10 minutes, only to come back with a nosh for himself. Umm, hello!?!?! I'm here too! Then he ate it, offered me a piece of candybar (AS IF!) and dropped me home.

Point being, sometimes you just know there's nothing to talk about, but for some reason, you were meant to meet and it wouldn't hurt anyone to just be polite.