When a guy says no....gals: hide all sharp and pointy objects from ur moms!
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Is it me, or is it becoming more and more difficult to reach Shadchanim? The old ones, the new ones, the ones who only email and the ones who only take calls during specific hours-each of them are highly impossible to get through to. It's almost as if they don't even want to deal in Shadchanus anymore.
Does anyone remember the good old days? Before resumes? When you would make/take an actual call to a Shadchan, speak to them for a while, get to know one another and jot down the information you were given?
Nowadays, if you get a text message back, consider yourself lucky. If I send an email, there is an correspondence, informing me that since 'said shadchan' has loads of emails flooding in, it may take time to respond. Another awaymessage, notifies me that 'said shadchan' only checks her emails sporadically. An answering machine at another Shadchan kindly advises me that if the call is regarding Shidduchim to email, 'such and such email address'. A separate voicemail informs me to only call during the hours of 8-10pm on Mondays and Wednesdays.
And those are actual autoresponses. Forget about the many I spend my evenings calling that DON'T RESPOND AT ALL. I mean, what's the point of giving out your number and advertising that you are a Shadchan if you can't even pick up a phone?!?!
To all Shadchanim: if you do NOT want to help people with Shidduchim-just leave an autoresponse stating so. Don't give us singles false hope and asking us to call back or send emails if you won't respond to those emails or voicemails. I rather not call at all, then spend hours making calls and writing emails that have no potential of even being heard/looked at.
Oh, and don't even get me started on the texting and/or whatsapp. I see those double check marks Shadchanim-I know you got/saw my message and don't respond.
So, here's the situation. If you are avoiding us because you don't have anyone-rather just pick up the phone, or just type a 5 word email/text/whatsapp saying 'there's no one right now' or 'sorry I can't help' or 'don't have any "yes"s yet'. It's that simple and saves us many headaches, not to mention emotions each time we pick up the phone to make the call.
For all the singles out there=dont'cha just wish you can get a really awesome caller id, one that most Shadchans would pick up because it's an 'important' looking number/organization. Then, once they pick up-you can just say you're calling for yourself and they'd give you the 5 minutes, or even 2 minutes of their time?
Thursday, September 11, 2014
We have this expression in my family, when a boy's mom wants to check out a girl (and I don't mean the resume) in person-we call it 'window shopping'. Usually done in the Chassidish circles, the guy/girl walks down a certain pre-planned aisle in a local grocery/Judaica store, and the future mother/father-in-law walks into said store, and passes by the planned aisle so they can see the girl/guy and check them out.
I never liked the idea. Mind you, I think it's great that the parents get to see who their child will be meeting, but they will see the guy/girl anyway when they show up at the door. I trust my parents and if they were to come home from grocery shopping telling me there was a goodlooking guy there, I would be out the door myself to check him out-however, does ANYONE even feel a wee bit bad for the 'checkee'?
Nebach, the guy/girl has to get all pitzed up, just to randomly walk up and down the said aisle until when? What? The shadchan randomly calls/texts the single to let him/her know that they were 'seen' by the future in-laws and that they can leave? What if there are two singles in the same aisle, for two different 'window shoppers'? How does no one get confused? Do they have a pre-planned secret sentence just in case? (Imagine a woman with dark sunglasses, passing by girl dressed in shabbos clothing and stopping the girl to ask where the feta cheese is,wink, wink, nudge, nudge=awkward!)
I, myself, once experienced being a 'checkee' as I like to call it. I was extremely unhappy when I heard and even appalled when I realized what was happening.
You see, I was at a cousin's Bar Mitzvah in Brooklyn. Of course, a shadchan called me the night before and I told her I would need to call her back as I was busy with a Simcha. Then came the 20 questions about whose simcha, where, for how long, etc. As I was leaving the house to drive to the Bar Mitzvah, the shadchan called my cell phone to ask if I had left yet. I told her I was on my way, and still didn't forget to call her back. She understood and mentioned that she spoke to the mom of the boy she had in mind for me, and said she would have to wait to hear back from me, but I was busy with a family Simcha. The boy's mom played 20 questions with the Shadchan about which Simcha, where, etc. and once she found out, she informed the Shadchan that she would stop in to the Bar Mitzvah to check me out. Hence the Shadchan calling me to ask if I left. By the time I received the call, I had no say in the matter at all. Extremely uncomfortable was just hitting the tip of the iceberg as to how I felt. The boy's mom had such nerve that she didn't just drop in and walk by. We were all sitting down listening to the Bar Mitzvah boy speak. My family isn't that large, so no matter which table you sat at, you were clearly able to see all family members and friends, when the door opened and in walked this guy's mom. She sat at the table right across from me, pointed me out to the woman she sat next to and then stared me up and down for what seemed like 40 minutes. I was DYING of shame, and I don't even know why this woman had NO shame, walking into a party of a family she didn't know, asking if I was the single girl and just plain out checking me out, with me knowing.
When she got up and left, I made a decision there and then. I don't give a rats grass who this woman is and how amazing her son is-I will not put myself into a situation, nor even think about entering in a family that behaves so brazenly and outright rude.
Next time, I shoulda just taken out my phone, promptly take a selfie, walk over to the woman and ask her for her email so I can send it direct and let her zoom in and out!
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
One of my pet peeves has always been yenting.Y'know? The yachnas that get the odd phone call about you? The ones you avoid with a fifteen foot pole because they are so annoying and always in your business?
Well, occasionally, it DOES so happen that these yentas get a Shidduch phone call about you. You can't help it and you definitely can't control it. But what's worse, is that once that call is made and the damage is done that woman will make it her business to follow up with you.
She will call your house, to tell your parents/you that she received a call.
She will give a play by play of all the good things she told them and at the same time, will have asked them LOADS of questions about the guy in question (for her own yenting purposes, of course) and perhaps even let you in on some information about the guy.
She will meet you on the street/at the grocery/at a shiur/in shul and give you the nudge, nudge, wink, wink and in the sweet singsong voice 'nu?? what's happening with that guy I spoke to about you? Did you go out?'
This will go on, literally and you will have no choice but to succumb to the yachna that received the phone call. Since I'm in Shidduchim this has indeed happened occasionally and what I've come to realize is no matter how much you avoid it, and how much it's always the wrong person-it will always be the most annoying person who gets the call. And she WILL follow up. She will MAKE it her business.
I usually just humm and haaww and try and make up any excuse that comes to mind.
I thought I might give you guys a try-see what you can come up with as a response to the follow up questions and we will post the comments below.
Use Your Creativity People!
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Similar to this post, I had an interesting dating experience last week. This guy showed up and almost immediately asked what color lipstick I was wearing. Within the first 10 minutes of the date. Literally.
I really wonder what my facial expression was at the time. Would've loved to have been punk'd, just so I could've watched my reaction.
In any case, I'm sure you can imagine the outcome....
Needless to say, the entire time his eyes were on my lips. It felt a little too intrusive and it may be feel sorta untznius at the same time-without even doing anything wrong.
Awkward can't even begin to describe it.
Needless to say, there was no second date.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
"So" she said, in that questionable nagging yenta tone, "how was your summer? I hear your daughter was away for a few week? Hhhmmm? On vacation with friends or just New York visiting relatives? It looks like she lost weight. SOS-come here for a minute please. I was just telling your mom how great you look! Have you been dieting? New hairstyle maybe? She droned on and on and on. I imagine if sounded almost like the peanuts cartoon teacher.
She was asking. Questioning. If something..."anything" was going on.
After all-can't a single girl go away and breathe a little, let alone enjoy herself without having a date? Can't I just look good just once without that look and clicking of tongue as if to prove they know or atleast think they know the reason why I look so great (which ABSOLUTELY MUST be a guy, obviously!)
Why can't people just give a compliment and move on?
It's a shame that in this day and age, people still don't know how to give people privacy and back off. Just cuz I'm single doesn't mean you get to interrogate and assume things and ask about my personal dating life.