Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Taking a Gal for Granted

I've been off the radar lately, I'll ashamedly admit it. I was trying to let my feeling simmer down. My anger and frustration with Shidduchim, with Shadchanim, with the whole system. I tried reading, eating, jogging, even meditating, and then watching movies, but nothing could completely distract me nor take away the fumes of frustration of being in Shidduchim. I thought about solving the worlds problems, then solving my own-which turns out-was more complicated :(
and so, here I am. Trying to overcome my emotions and move on with life, smile, and let others live. Let life take its course and do good things. That distraction truly worked. Chesed makes me smile and puts a smile on the face of others. It makes me feel good and feel like I'm doing SOMETHING and if I cannot do something to help my situation with Shidduchim, atleast, let me help others with things I can help with, like for example: delivering Bikur Cholim meals.

Getting back to this post, though, I need to bring something up. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time that I received a call from a Shadchan telling me a guy was in town. Usually it's for another Simcha, or he had a date that didn't work out but was still here for a day or two and so they were trying to chap someone for him. In the past, this idea didn't quite work out well for me. You see, on one hand, I was like 'hey, the guy is here, I don't have to travel, I can go chill for a couple of hours-it's a win/win'. But each time I acquiesced, I came home upset, after having spent hours with a guy who was either a total moron (excuse the language), or who left his brain back home. I couldn't believe that someone who knew me, or even a Shadchan who I'd spoken with, would set me up with such a type of boy. But they figured the same as me-what could they lose? The guy was in town, I was in town, we were both 'available' and single, looking to get married so what's a few hours?
Let me tell you-when it's with those kind of boys=it's a few hours too many.
What further aggravates me is that alot of the time, it would be boys that were suggested or name-dropped to me in the past, but these boys said no to me for a variety of reasons. Even if it was suggested numerous times to the same guy over a number of years, he kept saying no. Yet, when a bunch of guys arrived here Erev Shabbos on a roadtrip, suddenly my phone was ringing off the hook, saying the said guy/s are in town and would like to date me now-ya right.
It's totally taking advantage of us, females. Like, we're not good enough, but now that you're bored and there's no Times Square, and you don't know anyone here-why not hang out for a few hours? And to assume that because suddenly you are here, in town, and agree to date, then we have to jump?
Atleast, do some good PR work for yourself, or let the Shadchan talk a girl up and make it sound better than it is. That way we don't have to feel like last night's supper being rewarmed in the microwave because now you're hungry (where did that just come from?)
Well, that's my rant. I believe in making people feel good. What does a simple compliment cost? nada. What does it make a person feel like? a million bucks. So say thank you, be polite, smile-you never know how making another person feel like a, actual PERSON can achieve. Don't take anyone for granted-treat them like a mentch-trust me, they'll appreciate you more and respect you for it.
over and out...

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Shidduchim as a 'Prize'

Not  that I wanna badmouth any organization, BUT I was and still very much am so disappointed by something I've recently heard. It sends an  organization, which for now will remain nameless in this post, has publicized that if you make a donation to their cause, you can "win" a shidduch. Meaning you choose from their top 5 "well reputable" Shadchan & the Shadchan of your choice had to set you up with 3 good matches. Oh and if any of them work out then Shadchan is paid. 
Wheni was first told about this I honestly thought it was a prank. Then I heard it from a second person and realized it was sadly true. 
Why it's this a prize? I've met with and spoken with these "top" Shadchansuss who won't even return a call, let alone respond to an email. But if I pay money then suddenly they will come up with all these great guys?
How come they can't give these suggestions on a regular Shadchan term? 
And how would all these rabbis and editors and board members allow this to be considered a well converted and sought after prize?!?
Is the world going mad?

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Ringing in the New Year-Alone

When I was younger I used to always be jealous of the older kids who got to stay up and watch the 'ball drop'. Tho I never knew what 'the ball dropping' actually was and why it was exciting, I just remember thinking they got to stay up all night long. 
Then I grew up. I stayed up late watching with my older sibs, then alone, then my younger teenage sibs. All the couples huddling into each other with frosty breathe and funky 2000 new year glasses. All the romcoms where the couples share a kiss at midnight. It's sweet to see, even though in retrospect it's kinda stupid. For us, New Years means nothing. It's iust a different date big WOOP. I go on Lotsa diff dates-lol!
All kidding aside, even though it's quite meaningless, each year as I watch sitcoms, movies, and even the real ball drop, I sorta get this lonely feeling, like I would wanna do something crazy and party all night long-with a HUBBY/boyfriend. I would wanna freeze my buns off in timessquare after. The hours of traffic it would take getting there and say we experienced this crazy thing together that is a once in a lifetime thing. 
I know it sounds meaningless and stupid and ever so girly, but sometimes you just have to enjoy the stupid things in life that you can do together and laugh about after. 
So here's to all the single gals/guys taking in the new year alone, or perhaps you have a bottle of Jonny walker, starbucks or Whoever with U. 
May we all celebrate many new things together!
Happy new year

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Travel excuses

Don't you just hate it when both the guy gives a yes and you give a yes and everything is set to finally schedule a date, however travel technicalities creep up?
Story of my life. Usually, being the girl, I'm the one doing the traveling. Actually to be fair, lotsa times the guys have come here for a first date. Yes, the "actual WORKING" guys. The doctors, lawyers, business owners, etc. But every so often, things come up and one party is nut able to travel, leaving up to three more flexible party to do the traveling. 
Lately, I've dated guys who have come up with the oddest excuses for not being able to travel, and I felt compelled to share these excuses with you, my dear readers. If you have any additional creative excuses, feel free to add it in the comments below. 
10. Can't find a flight, they're all's booked. 
9. Has a wedding, bar mitzvah, family simcha, exam, meeting. 
8. Has his passport stolen. 
7. Can't travel as he just took off (for vacation with his buddies for 2 weeks in Vegas). 
6. His Rabbi told him it's bitul zman if he takes off. 
5. Even though he works in an online company, apparently there's no internet access anywhere else in the world, other then his place. 
4. He can't leave his roommate, who is in a terrible state after just having broken off a shidduch. 
3. He doesn't feel comfortable going to places he's not familiar with. 
2. He's on the watchlist. 
1. He gets carsick, and airsick (apparently that exists)

Monday, December 15, 2014

When the Shadchan creates the Shanda

Most people would agree that communication is key to any relationship. 
Dating is hard enough as it is, especially FrumShidduch dating. Everyone is on edge, nerves, on their best behavior and its hard to read into people. Personally, even if the guy is the biggest nerd, or most obnoxiously chauvinistic, I will still remain friendly and smile until he drops me off . Hence the guy always thinks I'm interested by the end of the date, when in truth, I'm just yapping away, hoping he will take me home.
Which is why there are Shadchanim (or atleast, why I would like to think Shadchanim are there). They can act as a buffer, hear out both sides, and be your "true" voice when speaking with the other side. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes the Shadchans plan out the entire wedding in their head before you even get into the guy's car for the first date. When you come back and tell  them it's not for you, they just won't hear of it. They have made up their mind, as well as your future life together, it's already all planned out in the Shadchan's head. No matter what you say, the Shadchan will not relay your true feeling at this point, to the other side. They may convince you to 'give it another try' and go out again, or perhaps 'sleep on it' and call them back the next day. Meanwhile, all  you want to do is politely DECLINE.
The other side will get a totally different picture of what you're thinking and the guy might even end up calling you asking about a second date. umm, helllllooo?!?!?!Where did the Shadchan go and why was the message not relayed?
I had this happen to me twice, first the Shadchan was in love with the guy they set me up with and even after giving it a few tries, the Shadchan still wouldn't hear a 'no'. To the point that the Shadchan told me they cannot tell the boy no and hurt him, therefore I would have to do the dirty work myself. Which, in that case, I was forced to do. But rather tell the guy no, than let him wait around or perhaps think I was interested.
Another time, the Shadchan called me right before my date to tell me to handle it myself as we were all in different timezones/countries and with the time difference, as well as cellphone roaming/internet connection as well as the fact that both myself and the guy were only in the same city for 2 days, the Shadchan just dropped the guy in my hands. I must admit it was quite awkward when the guy leaned over in the car asking what time tomorrow he should pick me up and I hummed and hawwed and made up excuses and said I would call back. In truth, I was a coward=I couldn't say no to his face, yet there was no chance in H E double hockeysticks I would date him again. So I smiled, thanked him, promised to let him know, and then texted the Shadchan to call him first thing,
Oy! why does this have to be such a complicated mess?!?!

Six13 Shake it Off