It is a "Go? or NoGo?"

My friend Huvi called me last night all stressed out. She's in a predicament and doesn't know what to do. She knows about this blog and suggested I post her 'situation' for you, fellow readers, to comment on.

Here's the sitch (situation):

Huvi was 'redd' to this guy from (where else? but) the Brooklyn. The Shadchan never met her before but they spoke on the phone and this is the first shidduch the Shadchan is redding Huvi. The Shadchan is redding her to a nice boy from Brooklyn, currently learning in BMG (Lakewood) and she knows the boy and his family very well. This Shidduch was redd about 3 weeks ago. Huvi was given ONE, yes ladies & gents, just ONE day to look into this guy and give an answer. She called the 2 references she was given and said "yes", but being that she was just in NY the week before for a date, she couldn't go down again (she has 3 workdays left to take off!). She asked if the boy can come down.

[side note: the boy has a married brother living in the same city as Huvi and actually knows Huvi's family quite well]

The Shadchan asked the boy who said, "no, he won't come down". She asked Huvi if Huvi can come in, perhaps 2 weeks time, over Chanuka.

Huvi wasn't sure what would happen by then, but because she was burnt by the last date she traveled to NY for, and the guy promised to come in, yet after their date in NY, decided he wasn't interested in out of town girls, Huvi asked the Shadchan to ensure this boy, if he was interested after the first date, would be willing to travel and is ok with dating an out of town girl.

The Shadchan called back informing Huvi that the boy was willing to travel only if the girl came to NY first, "because he has sooo many girls to go out with in NY, so why would he travel?". The Shadchan even told Huvi that the boy's entire family, including married brother from Huvi's city, were bugging the boy to travel in first, the boy would no way here of traveling.

So, we're now 2.5 weeks after the 'yes's were given from both sides and the boy is not willing at all to travel, yet the boy called the Shadchan 2-3 times yesterday asking for an answer as to whether Huvi will come to NY, or just forget it (if she doesn't go, he ain't comin, and it gets dropped). The Shadchan, in turn, called Huvi, and Huvi, my dear friends, is STRESSED to the max and doesn't know what to do.

[side note: Huvi has 3 days off for Chanuka and would like to spend atleast SOME of her time off with her friends, Chanuka parties, etc.]

So, big question for today is: does she GO? or is this a NoGo?

Joke

I've seen this before, but it's still worthy of a post:

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a Man for you."
"What's a Man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be very competitive. All in all, he'll give you a hard time, but, he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow, "but what's the catch, Lord?"
"Well... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first... Just remember, it's our little secret---you know, Woman to Woman."

We're all in the same boat!

Last week I was speaking to a friend of mine, who got married last year. Anyway, being that she is now married, we haven't had the time to sit down, just the two of us and have our pasttime girly chats. So, I guess now that she's settled (and her husband was at a shiur) she had the time to speak.

While we were catching up on each other's lives, I was, as usual, telling her the story of my life, complaining about the shidduch system, ranting about shadchanim, etc. But it seems I was so busy focusing on my singlehood, that I didn't realize we were both in the same boat. Here's how it happened...

While I was talking about how people can be some RUDE & CRUDE and walk up to you and ask 'any news' (with that singsong tune and that look as if you have something u are hiding...), even tho if you DID have news, it is personal and none of their business-she suddenly got really quiet.

Then she told me that yes, even though she is no longer single and she got married pretty quick B"H, she has been experiencing the same rudeness from people. why is that you may ask?

Well, simple. Although she is married for about a year-she doesn't have children yet and is not expecting. Thing is, she put on a few extra pounds. So because she was a toothpick, who is now a pencil, people walk over to her and say things like, 'so nice you're expecting', or 'looks like there's a bun in the oven', or 'when will you stop working due to your pregnancy'-

OUCH! She is seriously hurt, as it wasn't just one remark from one person, this has happened to her over the past few months! And, I thought MY life was the crux of it!

So, ya, babies and husbands are what we truly want, but only Hashem has power to make those things happen. We have to daven, have emunah, etc. but people have to be a bit more smart when it comes to making comments like 'nu...I wanna dance at your simcha', cuz its not like ur fairy godmother will come out and just snap your fingers and POOF-chosson a la mode is waiting right there.

How can we get the message across to people?

My advice: next time someone walks over to you and says 'soo??? any news??'

Look at them straight in the face and ask if they'd like to hear about your latest bowel movement. That should be the last time they'll be asking you for news!

"The Answer" to "reading between the lines"

Following my blog entry on reading between the lines, I decided to just throw in the towel and go for it. Well, honestly, I actually wasn't at all interested, especially with what the references told me and how he was described, but I had a free ride to the Big Apple-so free ride=throwing in the towel, or as the Frummies say 'doing my hishtadlus'.

Went out with 'said guy' and lemme tell you-the minute he walked in the door, I knew, knew, KNEW it was totally, 100%, without a doubt NOT SHAYACH! Aside from the 'women's intuition' or just believing what the references said, or purposely did NOT say, I just 'had this feeling' that it wasn't going to be at all what I was looking for, but then I sorta talked myself into the 'you neva know' theory. and just for all of you who are reading this, rolling your eyes, and thinking-wow she is sooo negative, or she shouldn't have gone with that attitude-GET THIS: I even brought 2 dating outfits and set aside 2 days for dating. So I was positive (not the HIV kind...). I thought, maybe, just maybe, this time I'll be proven wrong.

So, folks, to answer my question-READ BETWEEN THE LINES! Most people will not say the ugly truth or the honest straight out stuff. Either ask the most obvious questinos-even if you sound stupid doing so, or READ between the lines!

References? who needs 'em when u got THIS app!

iPhone apps run background checks on your date

Stud or Dud?

The apps, known as Stud or Dud? and Are They Really Single, utilize data culled from countless public records to give users a more complete picture of whom they’re going out with. PeopleFinders President and COO Bryce Lane says his company collects data from “thousands of sources” across the country from “federal governments to the very smallest city governments.” He says the company then uses algorithms to sort through the data and make comprehensive files that will give users a reliable picture of who the person is.

From there, the data is placed in PeopleFinders’ database and is put up for sale. While both of the applications the company debuted today cost a mere $1 to download, users can only access records by either paying $9.95 per record or by paying an annual subscription fee of $24.95. In the case of Stud or Dud? users have the option of using simply by a person’s first and last name, by their age and hometown, or by their phone number. From there, the program gives you a list of potential matches to choose from.

Once the user thinks they’ve found their match, they can then access all of PeopleFinders’ records on them and learn whether they own property, whether they have a stable address history, whether they’ve ever gone bankrupt, whether they’re married or are in a possible relationship and whether they have a criminal background or are registered as a sex offender. Lane cautions, however, that the program cannot guarantee 100-percent that all of its information is accurate, especially in cases where the person you’re searching for has a relatively common name. Lane says that like any search engine, Stud or Dud? will work better the more information you put into it.

If Stud or Dud? is meant to be a comprehensive background check, the Are They Really Single app is more tailored to answering the specific question of whether someone is either married or potentially in a long-term relationship. It could surely make those with philandering lifestyles like that of Mad Men’s Don Draper more than a tad nervous. Much like Stud or Dud? the app combs through thousands of marriage records, divorce records, common addresses and wedding dates to provide users with information about whether the person they’re seeing is really single.

Lane says PeopleFinders decided to debut this application on the iPhone because it was the most popular consumer-focused device on the market and because the App Store had the greatest reach of any other application market. If the application is successful in its iPhone incarnation, he says the company will explore bringing it to other mobile operating systems, such as BlackBerry or Palm’s webOS.

When asked about privacy issues PeopleFinders’ two apps could raise, Lane says the company will take anyone out of its databases who requests to be deleted. However, he says people should be aware that this information is all public and that anyone can find it if they’re really determined.

New iPhone App to excuse you from Blind Dates

how I wish I had my iphone a bit earlier....altho I DEFINITELY will be downloading this app!

New iSoBusy Fake Call App for iPhone Called "Best-ranked Application of its Kind..." Puts an End to Boring Meetings

Ann Arbor, Michigan 8/14/2009 06:25 PM GMT (TransWorldNews)

The first iPhone app from a new partnership is released and in the iTunes store. A strategic partnership called iBeSilly formed by Detroit technology leader Stout Systems and branding expert David Brier of DBD International creates a new generation of entertainment apps. The result is iSoBusy, The Ultimate Social Repellant, designed to call its owner anytime or on an immediate basis with any of the 23 pre-recorded "accomplices" who will rescue its iSoBusy owner from any situation in business or social settings.

Co-creator David Brier states, "iSoBusy arose from the fact that so many people dread long-winded meetings, socially odd circumstances and even family gatherings. Just look at the number of Web sites devoted to 'boring meetings' or Hollywood scripts devoted to how dreadful someone's family gathering was--or worse, a disastrously bad blind date. Some people simply need a bit of help extricating themselves from those situations."

The concept was a simple one: Enable iPhone owners to have believable alibis to excuse themselves. Partner John Stout states, "There already existed 'fake call' apps whose limitation is that they primarily offer a ringing phone and little more. We wanted to add more believable dimension and the entertainment side of the puzzle."

Brier's team at DBD International developed a menu of 23 "accomplices" who bail the user out. Once an accomplice calls, they continue to talk until the user terminates the call. Accomplices include a contractor with ADD, a French Maitre d', a family attorney, a promotional call from hell, an oriental dry cleaner calling about that stain he can't get out as well as the family members one cannot go without: mom, dad, sister, brother, daughter on a spring break and the bodily pierced son. One of the most hysterical accomplices is a call from a Nigeria statesman with a very sincere offer that will make the iPhone owner an immediate millionaire.

Just weeks after its release, cultural newspaper Volume One noted that iSoBusy was "the best-ranked application of its kind."

iSoBusy also has a Virtual Accomplice Recording Studio, the first and only fake call app enabling owners to create up to 17 original callers. Users can even change caller names and add photos of friends, family and co-workers to make the ruse as authentic as possible.

Promo codes of iSoBusy are available for editorial review purposes.

About iBeSilly: Industry leaders David Brier and John Stout spearhead iBeSilly, an iPhone app development company, whose goal it is to enrich the quality of laughter of iPhone users with entertaining and non-offensive iPhone apps. Their first app, iSoBusy has as its mission to "turn life into an elimination round."

Read Between the Lines?

I was 'redd' a Shidduch recently and whilst doing investigations aka 'calling the references', I realized something. You see, according to yours truly, when you put someone on your 'reference list', that person becomes your Personal PR Agent. This means, they obviously know you really well and will try and sell you to the caller, by saying the nicest things about you and making you sound like you're the greatest catch in the world!

So ya, I hope my references are putting me Guiness World Book 2010, but the in the meantime, the guy I was checking in to on the other hand-well, he's gotta get himself a whole new agency.

You see, I called three of his friends, not 1, not 2, THREE and not one of them seemed to get past the one word answers.

e.g ME: 'what could you tell me about him?'

REFERENCE: 'he's a nice guy'

So aside from pulling teeth..errr.answers, the guys didn't even TRY and make him sound good. In fact, one of them even told me 'he's the kinda guy who sits in the corner by himself'.

a) who says that?

b) does that mean he's a loner, or intellectually challenged?

Obviously, my first thought was get MORE references, or find people who actually KNOW and LIKE the guy.

OR am I just supposed to read between the lines and wish him adios?