Lately, I've had some really awful Shidduch suggestions, and when I say awful, I mean like totally 'nisht' as my chassidish friends would say (no! I'm not chassidish). The guys being 'redd' were sooooo 'off' that it didn't even make sense to be suggested in the first place, but then again=people just don't think, they just see a single girl, they hear about a single guy and BAM-in their head it's a great shidduch, because 'why not try'. But I guess in the mind of the people making the suggestion, they think they are helping. 'why not try' is not a reason to go out. 'you can't lose' is not a reason either. I can provide loads of so-called reasons, but why bother, as they are each more ridiculous than the next.
So, lemme get back to my week of awful suggestions. There was the guy who recently divorced with kids (not what I am looking for), then there was the 40 year old (hello? I'm in my twenties!), then there was a sefardi-chabadnik (no offense to either chabad or sefardi-some of them are my besties), and I'm looking for a Heimishe Ashkenaz like myself. There was also the 'chassidish bum' guy (again-not for me) and the guy who had a history of drinking & drugs (again, not what I'm looking for) and the list goes on and on.
So, obviously when I get these suggestions, I just get a name, if I'm lucky I get the age, and if I'm luckier I get a bit more information. Actually, to give credit where credit is due, I did indeed receive some resumes for the above mentioned guys, but it's not like their information is gonna say 'has a history of drug addiction, off-the-derech, is abusive, etc. So each time a name is suggested, I do my utmost to make sure that before I say 'no', I have correct information. How do I do that? By research of course. And hopefully if I get atleast 3 people saying the same kinda things about the guy, and I find from my own 'background' check that it all matches then I call the Shadchan back and politely decline the match, whilst thanking them for their time.
Why, tho, do I always havta feel guilty saying no? I don't mean the fact that I'm turning the Shidduch suggestion down, I mean why do I havta feel bad actually telling the Shadchan 'no'?
I guess it's mostly because the Shadchan or person whose idea the shidduch was makes us feel guilty for saying no. This week alone, when I had to decline the matches, EVERY shadchan asked me why I was saying 'no'. Not that it's there business, BUT, without saying anything bad about the boy (just because it's not what I'm looking for, doesn't automatically mean the guy is BAD=as opposed to what shadchanim think), I explain that it's not what I'm looking for, etc. And almost every time, they push, and push, and push for reasons why, and give you so-called reasons to reconsider your position, and then get all insulted and upset for having put 'effort' into trying to make the Shidduch, so by the time you hang up, and even though you kept your cool throughout the conversation and you know for a fact that it's not for you, you still have a major guilt trip and feel all 'bad' each time you happen to speak/meet that person....
Am I the only one who feels bad when saying 'no'?