Thursday, May 17, 2012

Why Do I still get Embarrassed?

I don't know why, perhaps it is my upbringing, or my schooling, but even though I am out of school for almost 10 years-things still embarrass me, which is in itself-embarrassing!
Maybe it's the Bais Yaakov girl in me. I mean, I consider myself to be with-it. I watch tv, listen to the radio, read the newspaper, etc. I go shopping in the malls and although there are some billboards that are disturbing, it's only the real prust ones that bother me, otherwise, I guess I don't even notice, cuz I usually go for the clothes and not the pictures. Yes, there are some songs on the top 20 that have some foul language, but those are usually beeped out and on the occasion that the radio station plays it, I just try and ignore it.
But, why, when I've watched, read, and listened to so much stuff, when I've seen what goes on in the world (or atleast I think I know...) do I still get embarrassed?
My co-worker is married with children or marriageable age, and tends to turn red in the face-literally, the moment she gets awkward or embarrassed. I hope I don't look like that, but just this week, something of the likes happened.
I was approached by the head of a new program regarding some kids who were hanging out with the wrong crowd, etc. We were talking in depth about the situation and throwing out ideas. Then, the supervisor, who was there all along (picture a guy in a suit & black hat) starts talking to me. He was sooo normal about everything and was totally with the program in terms of what is happening and where the kids were spending their time, what they were doing, etc. He looks at me and says 'as long as they don't have sex, and keep to the only guys/only girls rule'. Now, was I shocked that that guy said that? Heck ya
Was I embarrassed? yyyaaaa... I felt myself blush, just cuz it sorta came at me outta no where. I don't really know these people well. But we are all adults. I've heard this dozens of times. Maybe cuz I guess they see me as a Bais Yaakov girl and they were like 'Bais Yaakov' type people, so I blushed?
Perhaps it is the 'chein' that we have instilled in us?
Don't get me wrong, I guess being a single, and with the 3 letter word still an 'unknown' (to some extent), that could be the reason, but also maybe cuz they expect it to be that way with me and because I know of these expectations, this is why I'm embarrassed? 
Well, in any case, I remember the first time a guy on a date mentioned something like that-I don't remember blushing, more like, a young newly dating girl being shocked by a guy speaking so comfortably about something so not tznius to be speaking about with someone he barely knew....
Anyway, my question is: am I the only one like this?


  1. As one Hungarian to another, there is also concept of refinement and privacy; certain matters are just not spoken about in public. Often I fall off my chair (metaphorically) at some things said by those who are "to the right" of me. I am a bit of a prude, I do not deny it; I turn red all to easily.

    But the gemara and such discuss many risque matters, that have to be discussed. So I suppose, in the end, there is a matter of balance.

  2. I think most people, given an upbringing that emphasized being discrete about such thing - should retain some level of "embarrassment" when talking about such things in public. There are definitely situations where such discussions, though open and forthcoming, need to have that element removed - as I've learned from certain aspects of my grad school and the pastoral counseling courses I took at YU.

    It does require some desensitizing though. The key is acquiring a functional level of being desensitized but not totally losing awareness of what's going on and not sliding off the deep end where such matters are totally commonplace without causing any internal reaction whatsoever.

  3. I totally agree with you . I think it is the sense of tznius you have instilled in you that makes you embarrassed. , and I think its a good thing! I also think its because your not married ,but then again married bais yaakov girls might get embarrassed also.I dont know of people who did or didn`t so I cant say forsure.