I once brought this topic up on this blog before and yet today it came up again.
Whilst speaking to my cousin Sari, she told me this crazy situation that she's going through.
Sari is in the Shidduch parsha for a while now and she's a great girl. I've tried setting her up before, and guys-she's really a great catch. But back to my post...
Sari was redd a shidduch a while back and she said yes and was waiting to hear back from the boy. Eventually, the shidduch was transferred from the original person who 'redd' it to a friend of the boy, to facilitate the back and forth and make things more comfortable for both parties. Anyway, the boy eventually got back to her and said he was too busy at the time. He started a new zman and couldn't take off (they live in two different cities). Sari, was interning and couldn't take off as well, but the shadchan told her the boy would come in in a few weeks.
A few weeks passed and nothing happened. In the end, neither the boy nor Sari was able to leave Yeshiva/job and nothing came of the whole Shidduch. Later on, the Shidduch came up again, this time through someone else and when they called Sari with the idea, she told them it was mentioned before and she said yes. So, in total, 3 people had been involved with redding this Shidduch. When Sari told person #3 that it was already redd, they took it as her saying 'no' to the Shidduch and was hurt by the fact that Sari said it was mentioned 3 times and so person #3 called a mutual person-which now makes the total 4 people who had gotten involved with this one shidduch.
Sari-at this point explained her frustration with soo many people getting involved and miscommunication and misunderstandings all happening because of all these people being involved and messages being passed around. Basically at the end of all this-she came out looking bad, even though, as she explained, she was sitting at home waiting for the guy to call and didn't know what was going on, until person #4 called to ask why she was turning the shidduch away!
So, after all this, Sari gave me a buzz and told me she had a great post for my blog. And the lesson in all of this-the more people involved, the more miscommunication, the more miscommunication, the more misunderstandings, the more misunderstandings the more mixed messages and so on and so forth.....it's all in the family...