Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Do Friends REALLY Tell???

I have a dilemma.
I got a call for Shidduch information regarding a good friend of mine a few weeks ago. I was honestly, disgusted with the woman (boy's mom) because of the questions she was asking. Yes-perhaps I am NOGEIA B'DAVAR-as this girl she was calling about, IS a very good friend of mine. But, at the same time, I'm also a single girl in Shidduchim, looking to get married and hoping I ain't gonna get a mom-in-law who cares about such stupidities and asked more questions regarding their bank account than the actual girl herself!
So here's the thing, usually when someone calls about my friend(s), I call them up and give them the lo-down on the call I had, the questions they asked, the answers I gave, and if I'm lucky-the name/number of the caller.
In the case above, I didn't even call my friend, as I was personally very disturbed about it, and I didn't want her to be hurt or disgusted with the questions.
Here, folks, is where my dilemma kicks in:
wait for it....
SHE'S ENGAGED TO THIS WOMAN'S SON!!! Yes, many weeks later they got engaged! I was shocked when I heard the name of the boy and I didn't know what to do. I mean, on one hand I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY happy for her! She's a special girl and only deserves the best, and on the other hand, do I tell her?
Being that she's a good friend, I've held back. The most I'll say (unless I'm drunk or under a hypnotic spell) is that they called me about her and I said the nicest things-which is true. But that's it. I just feel bad cuz I hope this is not a glimpse into the future of their relationship and all that her future mom-to-be will care about.
Do friends REALLY tell their friends about these calls? (especially after the fact that they tied the knot? well, not exactly tied, but still..)

1 comment:

  1. What you concluded from the phone call is that the future mother-in-law asked really inappropriate questions that you probably could not answer to this woman's satisfaction. And yet, her son still went out with your friend. This future marriage will hopefully take place between two people, and you know nothing of what the son is like. So his mother sounds horrible - but how many people do you know would break off an engagement because the mother-in-law is scary?

    Let it go. The mother-in-law has obviously okay with this girl, and you don't want to be responsible for poisoning a lifelong relationship before it has begun. And even if she comes to you later saying, "My mother-in-law is driving me crazy!" say nothing.

    You have to ensure the shalom bayis of your friends's future home, and say nothing.