Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Burnt-Out Shadchan

It is so hard to please anyone these days....

Here is a partial list of my clients... I could not even get them one date, and that is why I am finally quitting and going into the pickle business.

AVRAHAM AVINU: How can you recommend him to my daughter?? Wasn't he involved in a family feud with his Father over some idols?? Then he left home without a GPS or a viable business plan!!

YITZCHAK AVINU: His brother is an Arab terrorist!!

RIVKA IMEINU: Sorry, she seems nice but did you hear about her Mishpuche?? Her Father's a murderer and her brother's a ponzi scam artist.

YAAKOV AVINU: Okay, he sits and learns all day.. but his brother is a no-goodnik. And anyway, we heard he has a limp.

LEAH IMEINU: Her Father's a con artist, and she has a pathalogical problems. Maybe it is genetic??

MOSHE RABBEINU: Are you kidding?? His parents were divorced!! And worse... they remarried!! And we hear he is in speech therapy.

KING DAVID: How dare you suggest him to our Yichusdike family?? Our neighbor Yentle told us that his great-grandmother was a Giyoret!!

CHAVA: Do you know anything about her family?? We never heard of them. No one knows where she came from and she can not come up with any referrals!!

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