Sunday, November 4, 2012

Subway-the new Dating Mode of Transport?

Upon hearing old dating stories from my uncles (they are mid 50s), about how they used to take the subway (no one had cars in those days...) I used to joke that the day a guy would take me on a date by subway-that's when I know it would all go down...
I used to joke. Until one time a good few years back, when I was in Manhattan for a meeting and told that the guy would pick me up at my hotel. Sure enough, I saw a frum guy walk into a hotel, with no other kippah-wearing guy in site-he saw me-the girl dressed tznius with the luggage, and so we walked to one of the famous Manhattan hotel lounges and had a nice evening date. Upon leaving the lounge, the guy asked how I was planning on getting home. Honest-I thought he was kidding. I mean, a date usually means the guy picks you up and takes you home (hopefully, making sure you get home safe?). I never had that question asked to me before, but when I saw he looked serious, and told him I was to fly back that night, and had a car service due to pick me from a friend in Brooklyn, he told me to follow him. So he brisk walked and I quickly ran after him in my straight-skirt, heels, and luggage. I finally got to the turn style, where he told me he guessed I can use his metro car, and I shlepped by suitcase over/through the turn style. Once I realized the reality of the situation (I-SOS, was on a subway on a date!) I sorta had to laugh, but then the guy told me he wouldn't be getting off with me. He explained that he knew alot of people in that part of Brooklyn and being seen with a girl (on a date!) would be too risky, etc. I was appalled at the lack of manners-he was more worried of being spotted with a girl, than ensuring that I get home SAFE. Especially, being an out-of-towner, without much experience on subways...
The guy disappeared, leaving me and some asian women covered in what looked like garbage bags, selling hello kitty school supplies. I saw the stop, got off, shlepped my luggage a good few blocks, then into my friends apartment. I had just a few minutes before the car service showed, called the Shadchan and told her it was a 'no'.
Lately, though, I've heard similar stories-too many. So, my question is-is this considered normal manners in the NYC area, or is this just RUDENESS/laziness on behalf of far too many dates that I've heard about?!


  1. Oh, yeah, all New Yorkers are rude!

    Naw, I'm kidding. It's a fluke. Most guys (who I know, at least) wouldn't do that. But hey, look on the bright side, at least you have a funny dating story to tell!

    This actually reminded me of a story I heard from my dad where a friend of his picked up a girl (in the days before cell phones and when not everyone had cars) and they were going to go to the city. Well, she gets on the train, and before he could get on, the doors close :P
    She had to wait around in the train station until he got there on a later train! lol!

  2. The reality of it is, if you are in NYC, a car is impractical for dates. (Brooklyn is a separate issue, but in Manhattan itself.)

    To go on a date in a car in NYC, that means dealing with abnormal amounts of traffic, no parking, and cursing brought on by New York City traffic (which is so unprofessional on a first date :) ).

    From my opinion, and a lot of other New Yorkers (both male and female) that I have spoken too. Train dates, and walking dates, are perfectly acceptable in The City, but you still gotta take the girl door-to-door!!!

    1. I agree - subway should be considered OK, but escorted home, naturally

  3. WM-I agree that some people find it acceptable to walk/train dates. However, if you ARE going to do so-at least WALK the girl OFF the train to her door! I've heard of yet another girl who went on a date (by subway) and when the guy asked how she was getting home-she said 'with you'. He explained he had to get back onto the highway before rush hour traffic and it was 45 minutes out of the way to take her home. Needless to say, lucky she had some cash on her, and she took the subway night...

  4. the blog moderator said:
    "I was appalled at the lack of manners-he was more worried of being spotted with a girl, than ensuring that I get home SAFE."

    Ten years ago, I would have agreed 100% that what this man did was very wrong.

    But now I understand the unbelievable size and speed of the Rumor Mill (aka Lashon HaRa Machine), so I understand why his prime concern was avoiding people talking about him.

    Once a rumor starts, it spreads farther and faster than your worst nightmares, even on Shabbat when modern technology is not being used. I have personally witnessed this.

    Just imagine a community of Jews where everyone claims to be very Orthodox, yet they totally ignore: the prohibition against spreading rumors, the prohibition against listening to rumors and the prohibition against believing rumors.