Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Two-Date Out-of-Town Standard

For all of you OOTers, you understand what the two-date standard means. For those of you lucky New York area'ers' it means that when someone travels for an out-of-town date, there is a two-date standard, meaning if date #1 goes well, then date #2 will prob. be the next day/night until the girl/guy has to travel back.
As an out-of-towner, that means booking your flights/train/car/bus for a minimum of two day/night stay to wherever you are traveling to give the Shidduch enough chance for both sides to know whether there is something worth traveling for, should they wish to proceed. From there, the guy/girl who didn't travel for dates #1 & #2 will usually do the traveling for dates #3 & #4 and so forth. Of course, not everything is a standard rule and, with all rules, there are exceptions. But this mini-explanation was to give all of you who are not so familiar with how out-of-town dating works, a small understanding.
Whilst I've been on the market for quite some time now, I'm used to all this. However, I did experience the most unusual request recently. I traveled for a date and went out with the guy twice. I wasn't so excited at all and even decided not to proceed as there was much more negative than positive. I was told the guy was interested but wouldn't travel in. Oh well, his loss. I was ok with not continuing period. 
In the end, he happened to have had a Simcha (yay for friend's surprise lchaim) and decided since he was coming in to surprise his friend at his engagement party and would be here anyway that he wanted to go out. I was hesitant but the Shadchan was pushy and I thought it couldn't hurt and perhaps things would be different on different 'turf'. I literally got a call in the morning notifying me of the last minute drive-in surprise l'chaim crash and was told to find housing. I rushed around and finally found housing. Once we went out I was notified that he planned on staying for the week. Yes, folks, no two-date standard here-more like vacation tourguide. 
I was floored. This had never happened before. Most people had plans. Most people gave advanced notice, and yes, most guy have jobs/lives/responsibilities. This was not December 25th weekend, nor was it New Years, or midwinter break. This was smack in middle of the year. 
Oh, and for those of you giving the benefit of the doubt-this guy was indeed from an out-of-town community as well and well into his years of Shidduch dating. 
I was going crazy trying to find a place for him to stay for that long. People thought I was nuts. My usual 'housing people' were like, WHAT!?!?!? so many days?!?! why?!?! it's not fair to either of you (let alone them-the 'housers').
In any case, he did stay out his entire welcome. Things didn't work out and I acted as tour guide. Another push pin on his map of travels....or another one of his Shidduch conquests?


  1. Sounds like you got played to find housing for him while he came in for the Simcha...

  2. You do not lose by doing chesed.