Tuesday, October 16, 2012


I'm trying to figure out just how many definitions there for for the term 'busy'. Obviously, this is in Shidduch terms. You see, I feel like these days, 'busy' is being used so freely, that it can be an excuse for anything really, and in terms of Shidduchim, anyone who doesn't have the guts to be honest and say no to a shidduch suggestion, or after a date, will use the term 'busy' to politely decline and hope you get the message.
Case in Point: A friend of mine was suggested to this guy. She sent her info to the Shadchan and was then asked for more info and a photo. She called the Shadchan to ask if the boy was interested, or just wanted a photo for his collection, but the Shadchan assured her that he was interested & asked for it himself. She never heard back. Weeks went by and she called the Shadchan, who didn't answer her calls. Eventually she received a formal email informing her that the guy was busy. If he really was busy-why did he ask for a photo? Wouldn't that be double timing is current date (and reason for being 'busy')? It's just an excuse (he doesn't think she's pretty enough). 

Here's a few ways 'busy' can be used when it comes to Shidduchim. Feel free to add your own :)

1. the guy totally thinks your photo is ugly, but too polite to say anything...aka 'he's busy'.
2. umm, totally not the type of girl at all that he is looking for, but feels bad saying that, so 'he's busy'.
3. Superbowl night-doesn't wanna miss a game for a date-'he's busy' (watching/at the game)
4. Dating another girl, but doesn't wanna commit to her, or to you, wants to keep you as the back-up in case his current date is a total busy, hence he's 'busy'.
5. On a roadtrip with a few guys so he can 'chill out' from all the stress-he's currently 'busy'
6. Taking a dating break-he's busy for the next while and will get back if and when that happens....


  1. I suggest that you read: Garden of Emunah, which was translated into English by Rabbi Lazer Brody.

  2. And looks do count for something...so it's possible he isn't sure, and the looks didn't help the situation.

    That is not to say:
    - That your friend isn't stunningly hot.
    - That looks aren't everything, and still give people a chance.

  3. You forgot #7: He's actually really busy. Hey, sometimes things come up. Give folks the benefit of the doubt.