Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Shadchan Telephone Interview

A friend of mine decided to do her Chesed for the week, the week of Aseres Yemei Teshuva. That Chesed, of course, was me. Seriously, though, she told me that she didn't know how else she can help me as we are in two very different circles (in terms of Frumkeit, age, what I'm looking for, where she comes from, etc) so she made some phone calls and her brother's, husband's cousin's niece seemed to live in Flatbush where 'the types of boys I'm looking for' are from and perhaps he can help. She was soo happy that I really felt that she genuinely was trying to help, and hey, to give her credit, she did make the effort of calling around, so how can I not call this relative after all the work she put in to getting the phone number. Plus, if I didn't call the number, I knew it would sorta come back to haunt me, in terms of 'well, she didn't even CALL the number after all the effort I did, so she probably isn't even interested in getting married-no wonder she is an older single, etc'.
I sat down and made the phonecall. I was told that this woman is a very busy person and the first call would probably be to schedule a time for a real conversation. My first call was not even a minute long-I introduced myself, told her how I got her number and she told me it wasn't a good time and to call back later. I did call back later that evening, only to be told that even at the late unearthly hour that I normally wouldn't call anyone I didn't know, she was still busy. I was told to call the next day at a set time. I called at the set time, but still it wasn't a good time for her. This went on over a course of a few days, until FINALLY, I got through to her and she told me she was now ready to listen properly. 
Then came the most insane and random questions I've ever been asked by a shadchan in all my dating  years. Some of those questions included but weren't limited to:
1) At what age did I have my first date (what does that matter)
2) How old am I-no really how old, because she would need to figure out where and how to lie-quote per her
3) When was my last date
4) what did the last guy I went out look like
5) How do my parents/siblings dress/look
6) What was the name of the last guy I dated
7) Would I be willing to go on a blind date (hello?! what do you call Shidduch dating!?!?!)
and a whole lot of personal DMC questions. Oh, and I forgot-that the conversation, after asking me to email my information, began with her saying 'now, I'm going to ask you a bunch of personal questions that may make you uncomfortable, but please let me know if you're too uncomfortable...' 
Heck, ya! I was uncomfortable, awkward, extremely uncomfortable. But again, this friend worked so hard that I knew if I was rude, or told her to mind her own business, etc. it would get back to said friend, so I was polite, but towards the end of our 45 min. convo, I was very firm and didn't let the same questions over and over and also the psycho talk of why I was single at my age get to me. After hanging up tho, it did indeed get to me. The nerve of people. I didn't call her for a mussar shmooze. She doesn't know me from atom. It's like a couple married for over 5 years who unfortunately don't yet have a child go to a doctor only to be told that it's their fault they don't have a child, etc. Aside from that what diff. does the name, age, look, and description of dates and guys I date make any difference to whether she has someone in mind for me or not.
Needless to say, I haven't heard back from said Shadchan....Just goes to show....I really should've titled this post 'Mindfreak' but that name is reserved for someone with actual talent...


  1. I hate those sort of situations. "I feel so sorry for you so call this self-proclaimed shadchan who went off her meds!" Then you have to be polite and self-flagellating as some nut-case lays into you.

    Beeeeeeen there. Although not as bad as you.

  2. Do nice girls really use the term "retarded" colloquially? It doesn't shed a good light on you.

  3. The moderator wrote:
    "She doesn't know me from atom."

    The correct phrase is:
    "She doesn't know me from Adam."

    Google both phrases and compare
    the number of results for both.