Saturday, November 27, 2010

When Friends Are Engaged...

Being a frum single in the 'middle age' scale of frum singles (according to statistics from the last few Shadchanim...of course, according to my grandparents-I'm what you would call 'old'), I have various friends who are married, some with a kid or two or three, some just recently got married, some are single and some are engaged.
When my close friends got engaged, I was truly happy for them! I felt the excitement when they came home from their dates and called me, then when they said 'they think this is it', then when they were sweet enough to call me in advance and let me know to have my hair done for that night for the 'unofficial l'chaim', etc.
Then, there were the 'other kinds' of friends...The ones who were close, who we shared our dating horrors with, who we ate out with, who we sat on the phone for hours with-complaining and keeping each other hopeful, etc. Those were also good friends, except those were the kinds that suddenly you find out: MAZEL TOV! SO AND SO IS ENGAGED! from OTHER people. Those were the ones that sorta hurt.....alot.....ouch! To find out from others who call because they want the gossip...the inside scoop, and yet you know nothing.
Been there....done that...
But over the years I've felt that when people KNOW your close friends are engaged/got married recently-they seriously feel bad for you! No one wants a pity vote. I have a friend who had 2 younger siblings marry and you shoulda seen how people looked at her at those weddings!
In any case, suddenly the world feels bad for you. Suddenly, calls come in, text messages and emails with people offering you suggestions-people you haven't heard from in AGES! Suddenly, its as if these newly engaged/married friends, gave all these people 'permission' for them to go ahead and make suggestions...
is it a pity vote? or are they just being nice?

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