Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Do you 'Go Dutch'?

So MaterialMaidel's latest post about the 'pre-date date' got me thinkin...

She mentions about guys dishin out too much $$$ on their dates...well, I agree but I also have a story that contradict that statement, which sure deserves a cyber spot on this blog.

You see, I was on a date with this guy who seemed to be a nice guy and because he was just a nice guy, I agreed to go out with him again, and again, and again. I was a bit annoyed just at the bit that he wouldn't share information about himself and so I didn't really know where I stood when it came to the end of the date. The Shadchan assured me that he had 'such a great time', but if so, why wouldn't he atleast say so, or hint it, you know...give off a vibe or somethin?

In any case, back to the point of this story. It was time for the guy to travel in. So we spoke on the phone about different modes of transportation and he kept making jokes about the price of tickets, etc. Then came the clencher, where would he stay during his visit? Usually guys have friends, or they can be housed by the Shadchan, or the girl finds him a place to stay. This guy mentioned that he felt bad to have me pay for his hotel.....
I didn't know what to do with his comment, so I brushed it off with a humorous remark and in the end, I found him a place to stay (not a hotel).
Anyway, we go out and we end up in a coffee shop. We both order our coffees, and when the cashier asks if we're together, he turns to me and says 'you know, in the non-Jewish world, most people go dutch'. Honestly, I thought it was pathetic and at the same time humorous, as how much can a Starbucks be already? approx. $5 per coffee?!?! It looked pathetic on him, and I felt bad that someone can be soo cheap.
I turned to him and the cashier and said 'I have money, and I don't mind paying for coffee, I have $10.00 on me-it should cover everything!'
So, in terms of spending money on dates, while I do feel bad for guys for having to spend $$$ on dates (just think about parking fees in Manhattan!, let alone $$$ for a meal), I've had my share of guys who don't have change, or sometimes don't have cash, or are too cheap, and have had to pay for some of my dates.
Have you ever gone dutch?


  1. woa, crazy. I'm sorry but one of the LEAST attractive traits in a guy is CHEAPNESS. I'm not saying take the girl to a 5 star restaurant or on a hot-air balloon ride, but COME ON. Guys - coffee, a walk through a bookstore, hanging in a gorgeous park with pretty night lights, ANYTHING, please just don't make us feel cheap!

  2. No, I haven't, but I take along money in case of an emergency (like, "Oops, we're going to spend the rest of the night washing dishes.")

    But here's the deal. Officially, it is men, not women, who are required to marry. Women are doing men a FAVOR. Not the other way around. So the guy better put aside a fund from age 10 on containing the means to pay for every single one of his dates.

  3. What You See Is What You GetOctober 6, 2009 at 1:25 PM

    Thank You Data! I am so glad someone actually pointed this out, the responsibilty to find a mate is completely on the man not the woman... although she does play a part in all this.

  4. Sefer HaChinuch, mitzvah 338, to not afflict any Jew with words:
    To not afflict any Israelite with words, in other words, to not say to any Israelite words that cause him pain or distress and he has no power to improve them.
    Specifically, our Rabbis of Blessed memory (tractate Baba Metzia, page 58B) taught:
    Do not say to a Baal Teshuvah: Remember your previous deeds.
    If a man becomes sick, then do not speak to him like the friends of Iyov spoke to him
    [his friends told him that he deserved to suffer because of his sins].
    If you see people seeking food, then do not tell them:
    Go to Mr. Ploni, if you know that Mr. Ploni has no food for them.
    Do ask a store owner how much an item costs if you do not intend to buy it.