Monday, August 3, 2009

I'll Take Manners for $200, Alex

The other night I was chatting with a few friends and the discussion dwindled down to what else? Shidduchim. At first it started with fashion, then to clothes, then to shopping for clothes, then to dieting and working out to fit into the clothes and BAM! next thing I know its 2 hours later and dating stories are flying. One recurring theme that most of the dating stories had in common was "manners", or shall I say lack of.
Now, I just wanna state that this is not a statistic, nor am I claiming war on any 'sides' in particular, I'm just stating the facts as they were in these stories and being that we were all girls, most of the blame was on the (sorry in advance but-) guys.
So here's what I don't understand. These days there are families who bring up their children with the difference between right and wrong. Instilling in them Middos Tovos, how to behave, how to act like a true Torah Jew and above all, to always be a Mentch. Eventually the children grow up and go their own ways to Yeshiva/Seminary and come back as mature individuals ready to make a life of their own. So, WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Here are just a few examples of the guys that dated friends of mine (author included) and the lack of manerism on their part.
#1) Guy and Girl on date. Guy seems to be very good conversationalist, extremely friendly, funny, outgoing, has the looks, and everything going for him. Then he comes up with a typical NY line and while talking about all the girls in New York, he tells the girl "I can have a girl for breakfast, lunch and supper if I wanted to". Girl looks at guy and tells him, if that's what you want, then go for it and don't let me get in the way.
#2) Girl (from out of town) goes to NY to meet the Guy. They meet in Manhattan at night and have a nice date at one of the many hotels the city has to offer. Guy asks Girl how she is getting back to the airport (to fly back home). Girl laughs nervously and says, she is going to relative in Brooklyn and the relative will take her back. Guy asks how she is getting to Brooklyn, girl responds with you, I hope. Guy faces her seriously and tells her he doesn't have a car. Takes her (and her luggage) on the subway with him. On subway, tells Girl he will not get off at her stop, as people might recognize him and he doesn't want to be seen on date. Tells Girl when to get off subway. Girl walks alone, shlepping suitcase in Brooklyn to relatives house.
#3) Girl (out of town) travels to NY to meet said Guy. Guy takes girl to restaurant, busy the entire time with his smartphone, booking meetings, etc. Guy tells Girl he is so busy he barely has time to date, so he does in between meals, doesn't really eat, but still has a few minutes to chat. Guy drops Girl off 20 minutes later. Why even bother in the first place?

ok, so by now you probably got the point. I just don't get why some people can't be Mentchlech. There are probably some girls out there who do the same. I just don't understand it. I've been through some horrible dates and by horrible, I mean BAD, yet, I've been polite (I hope) with each person, and patient (waited out the 3-4 hour ones, even when I knew after 1 minute it wasn't for me) and haven't treated them badly or rudely. How come some people are just sooo outrightly rude and where are their mothers, who brag about having such wonderful young men? I'd like to have a chat with them!


  1. Date CHICAGO guys... I promise they won't let you down! (or out of town for that matter)

    Notice how the 3 stories involved new yorkers...

  2. bukin-thanx 4 ur advice=been there, done that. But I havta sorta agree with you. It seems out-of-towners (go us!), especially Europeans are the most well mannered gentlemen out there.