Monday, February 22, 2010


This ever happen to you?
A while back this boy was 'redd' to me. Of course, his name came up a few times over the past year or so but each time nothing came of it for whatever the reason.
Anyway, this woman calls us and redds this same boy. The boy looked ito me and everything sounded great.
-and the 'BUT Factor' was: his mom has the same name as me.
So, while looking into me, they also found out that I am lucky enough to be Blessed with 2 names (even tho I'm only called by the one that is his mom's name).
AND-his mom had a brilliant brainstorm! She suggested, because the shidduch sounded so 'shayach', that it would be a great idea to just CHANGE MY NAME. Yes, folks, you heard it here first.
This woman, decided that I simply change my name-my identity, what I've been called and known as for my entire life, to something else, just so that I can go out with her son.
So, you think this is a normal suggestion? Imagine if I were to tell her the same thing-would she just go about changing her name to 'shprintza' or 'yentl' or 'madonna'?!
After hearing only this 1 idea from the mom-I very politely told them 'nu-uh, no way, neva in a million years' I am my name and will always remain that way!
so I ask you-dear ladies & gent....did this ever happy to you?


  1. Is there a reason a guy can't marry a girl who has the same name as his mother? I've dated a girl with the same name as my mother before, was that wrong of me?

  2. He could just always call you by a nick name or the other name if saying your name really reminds you of his mother. It can be really sweet if he has something special that only he calls you. But wouldn't he call his mother Mom/Ima? I second BJG, i don't understand why this is a problem. I know many guys who married a girl with the same name as their sister, which is weirder than same name as mother.

  3. BJG-as far as I understand-some people are very makpid not marrying someone with the same name as a parent-sorta like u don't name after the living (unless you are Sefardi), but usually if there is a double name or somethin, its kewl.
    Anon-either way, no one wants their hubby to think of their m-i-l when calling their beloved's name.

  4. I wonder where that comes from, maybe I should ask my rav before doing that again. Also when I hear the name that my mother and the girl I dated share, I think of the girl, not my mother. Probably b/c I don't call my mother by her name.

  5. That's happened to me. I don't have a second name, and the shadchan asked, would you be okay with changing your name? My response (mental, of course): What are you smoking?

    A neighbor of mine's father-in-law demanded she change her name. This girl is now being matter of factly referred to by her own family as this new name. Shiver.

    And? My sister, with two names, shares one with her mother-in-law. There was no problem keeping hers.

  6. The reason was that often in ancient times, the widowed mother would live with her son, and apparently calling for his wife in the night could have a potential of getting confusing. I'm not exactly sure how that's a reason, though.

  7. Imagine she starts ruling what you do before you even went out with the boy. Imagine what would be next request when you will be about to get engaged. Imagine entire life being ruled by her. Wanna? Grab it!

  8. That is the most insane thing ever. Seriously??

  9. It's from the Chida, as far as I know- that it's an extra chumra that people don't marry a spouse with the same name as the parent. Some follow it, some don't. It is said that R' Shlomo Zalman Auerbach was makpid on it...until he met his son-in-law- R' Zalman Nechemiah Goldberg. So, it can be waived.
    Some say that if the person has 2 names (like the scenario you are describing) then it's not a problem anyway! So I don't see why it would be a problem. Ask your LOR/P.