Wednesday, July 27, 2011

If a Girl Says "No"

I don't know why this suddenly just hit me now, but why is it that when a guy is offered a girl and he says no, then its fine. The guy is allowed to say no, it's not for him. No one will ask why or persuade him to say yes or atleast to consider the idea.

When a girl says 'no' than she gets heck from people. After all, by the time the shidduch got redd to her, the guy actually said 'yes' which means 'how dare she say no?'


  1. In the guy's defense, do you really know for sure if they are being harassed or not? I have been on a number of dates with disgruntled boys who were obviously going out with me against their will. They can be hocked, too.

  2. I think the whole process has kind of gotten ridiculous but here is my understanding of the situation. The reason people are giving you flack for saying “no” is because typically a girl is expected to say “yes” even if she doesn’t really want to go out. Granted, the girl should then make the “yes” conditional on the guy coming to date her, because why not? It’s just one date and involves very little effort on her part. Even so, it seems to be a common practice that girls just say “busy” even when they aren’t with the intention of avoiding going out with a specific guy. This enables girls to change their mind just in case some time down the road she is bored or in the mood of going out with that guy, then she still has the option of becoming “available.” Personally, I commend you for saying “no.” I wish, both as a guy who has dated and has tried to redt shidduchim, that people had the fortitude to be as forthcoming as you were.

  3. What many shadchanim are implying these days is that a girl should feel privileged that a boy actually said yes. After all, you made it to the top of his 10 page list.