Thursday, July 21, 2011

The 'Half-Shadchans'

I have come upon a new fashion lately. Nothing to do with shoes, hairstyles or clothing; A 'Shadchan Fashion' that I have named the 'Half-Shadchan'
You see, it all starts with a phonecall. It could be from someone you know, or someone you don't know. It's usually a shy person, or someone who never dabbled in shidduchim, perhaps even a teenager or a single friend. They call you up and tell you they heard about a guy. As the phonecall goes on, the caller, you find out, doesn't really actually know the guy, but only heard of him from someone else who either
a) went out with him
b) met him in (i) grocery store (ii) waiting room (iii) the bank
c) got his resume from a friend/relative who went out with him and said he's a great guy but just not her 'type'
d) just joined a shidduchgroup and heard about him.
Whatever the case, it's a sort of name-dropping situation, so in fact, the 'half-shadchan' thinks she is helping and is sooo happy she got the courage to make the phonecall and be 'involved' when infact, it is not helpful at all. Dropping a name means nothing. You gotta do all the research yourself (most of the time, without any resume to follow) and then, if you finally decide, if you finally GET info on the guy, that it sounds at all shayach, then you actually have to FIND someone YOURSELF, who will 'redd' the shidduch. This is almost unlikely as how will you find someone who knows you AND who feels confident enough to redd YOU to this guy they most likely never even heard of, let alone know.
So folks, if you actually build up the courage to make a phonecall and you really wanna help and be involved in Shidduchim, please, it's just ONE MORE extra call for you to make (get the guy's info and speak to him/his family about the girl) in order to move the Shidduch along.
Humph!!! Half-Shadchans!


  1. I know what you mean. I get asked by people sometimes, "Have you ever gone out with so-and-so?" I say no. Then they say, "Look into him."

    How, exactly? Look him up in the phonebook? I don't know who knows him that can redd it. That's what YOU are supposed to do!

    So then the name-dropping is just frustrating.

  2. Why do you need someone to "redd" the shidduch? Why can't you just get his number and call the guy up yourself?