Friday, April 30, 2010

Rhyme & Reason?

I was at a friend's house when she got 'a call' from a Shadchan. I allowed her some privacy which turned out to be a very loud and persistent conversation, lasting approximately 20 minutes. When she was done she was quite frustrated to say the least and explained the matzav:
A few weeks earlier the said shadchan had redd her a shidduch explaining that she has this 'amazing guy, great family, goodlooking, superb middos, etc.' and she should look into it. Oh ya-and she didn't mention the name. Over the weeks they called the shadchan to get the name and details of the guy and some references. The shadchan provided her with his 'resume', which listed 3 references and all 3 being people whom my friend knew.
She called the first reference-who claimed she only knew the boy's aunt & uncle
She called the second reference-who told her that she has no shaychus with the family, but her son married a girl who is first cousin's with the boy's father, so perhaps she knows.
She called the third reference-only to be told that this reference grew up with the boy's parents 20 years back.
She did the only thing logical-she asked reference #2 for son's wife's parent's cousin's number ans spoke to person who KNEW boy AND family. Then all the REAL info came out and one by one they listed things that she TOTALLY was not happy about to say the least.
Then-I was at her house and that is when the Shadchan called to see if she had an answer. She asked the shadchan if she knows the boy and/or his family. The shadchan said no. She asked if she ever SAW the boy. The shadchan said no. She asked how the shadchan knows them and could redd a shidduch like this. The shadchan said-well the other day she was sitting at the sheitel macher and heard the lady next to her mention the name of this boy, so she figured she'd pass it on.....
Long story short: my friend told the shadchan all the information she got and listed all the things she heard that she did not like, just to inform the shadchan in case she wishes to redd it further.
But that was not enough for the shadchan, she didn't like the reasoning (of which were numerous and very reasonable) and still kept pushing. Why can't Shadchanim just respect the decision(s) we make and move on!? what makes a reason 'good enough' or 'not good enough'.
My friend was soo upset by this that she ended the call by asking the following to the shadchan-(which is something I will now use as my backup question)
"would you consider this boy for YOUR DAUGHTER?!?!"
Funny how the shadchan had nothing to answer and suddenly that last line was the best reason!

1 comment:

  1. I agree, there's no point in pushing someone, if they say they're not interested, move on. My problem is that I always try to give a reason that I don't want to go out with a girl and that always causes problems. I think it's better to just say "not for me, thanks anyway"