Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hooked on a Feeling...

Because of Sefira, I've been listening to alot of acapella music lately, some Jewish, some non-Jewish, which is how I got to the title of this post. If you haven't already heard their music, and you listen to non-Jewish music-get hold of some of 'Rockapella's' music. I especially like their song "Hooked on a feeling", but acappela music is NOT the point of this post-it is only relevant to the title, so moving along here...
Last night my friend Shoshi called me. Shoshi is the kinda gal who I rarely get together with because of our crazy busy schedules and distance, so when we finally DO get together, its usually for something more formal, or some 'crazy once-in-a-lifetime fun thing to do, etc'. Anyway, I haven't spoken to her 'properly' since Pesach (girls will prob. understand this phrase more than guys), and so when she called me yesterday we finally had a nice 1 hour chat. Started off consisting of the usual=crazy day, crazy co-workers, crazy friends, mean remarks people make, horrible things people do, singles, dating, horrifying dating stories, terrible shadchans who lie, etc.
Shoshi is also the kind of girl who gets what I call 'hooked on a feeling' and by that I mean the following. Shoshi will hear about a guy and go through all her investigations to find out about him, asking as many details as possible. Then nothing happens because no one 'redd' him, she just happened to hear a 'name-drop' and based on that name, she did all her research and gets totally 'attached' and for nothing! But during the investigative process she gets emotionally involved and it could go on for weeks, when she finally realizes that since there is no way she can get someone who knows him and/or her to 'redd' it or get the guts to ask someone to 'redd' it, reality slowly sets in and she gets into a 'depressive state' where she then cuts herself off from the world by turning her cell off and turning her tv on.
Last night, Shoshi asked me about this guy, who she said she knows I went out with. Turns out I did go out with him and gave her all the information she would ever want-lucky for this guy-he was a really GOOD guy! She sounded sooo excited about it and then I asked her who redd it-BAM! she said no one redd it, she just heard about him and this time she actually built up the courage to ask people to redd it but to no avail=they just said he was busy. So even with that in mind, she still went around 'collecting information' and for what? Just to fall down her slide of emotions again?
How can people get so 'hooked' so to speak on just a feeling? Is this normal?


  1. Hmmm....Well if she wants to meet him, there are always other ways than being formally introduced thru a shadchun. Say, she could ask a friend to contact him. Otherwise, researching someone you havent met is kind of pointless.

  2. This sort of behavior should not be encouraged. She hears of all these seemingly great guys, she builds them up in her psyche, then she crashes. For one, she shouldn' research anyone until they've been redd. The way the shidduch system is supposed to be is that the guy is told first, to spare the girl's feelings. She should be reminded of this. You could coax her to let her be the one chased, for once.

    But here's a thought in terms of her current "beloved" - you went out with him. I've called the shadchan who set me up with up a guy to try to redd it to another girl. It's never been successful, however . . .