Now that you've all read and understood just SOME of the definitions of 'excuse', you will understand why I don't believe in most excuses.
So today's rant will be on the latest bloke that was 'redd' to me. This same guy was suggested to me a few years back and while looking into his information, I called a close friend of mine who told me not to bother with the shidduch as it is totally not shayach. I called the Shadchan and said 'thanks but not thanks'.
Fast forward year 2010: same guy gets redd to me once again and because we got the name wrong (over the phone mispronunciation-as opposed to emailed/faxed typed resume) we looked into him and heard good things and gave the go ahead. Eventually, we got the correct name but decided to go with the 'hey-you never know' approach and give a yes. Apparently the guy didn't need to even look into yours truly as he was interested the first time round.
Then comes the clencher-will he be willing to travel out-of-town to date? First time round I was told-nu uh-neva, he doesn't GO out of town to date girls as there are sooo many lined up for him in the BIG APPLE. Second time round: He's T-O-T-A-L-L-Y interested and is totally willing to travel......BUT - and here is where the excuses come in. So far, to date-there are atleast 4 excuses I can remember by the time of the typing up of this post, and they are, in no specific order
a) his rosh yeshiva doesn't let him leave until after Shavuos
b) he signed a document saying he wouldn't leave his shiur until after Shavuos
c) he got a new chavrusa and he can't leave now
d) his rav informed him a boy shouldn't travel out-of-town to a place he is not familiar with as he will be uncomfortable and this is not good for a date, so ya, he won't come in for the first time, but IF it goes well, then he can come in.
a) which rosh yeshiva would hold back a bochur from finding his zivug, hence getting married=mitzvah for the MAN
b) all rules are meant to be broken :)
c) dude-this is life, you wanna get married, you wanna date, you say yes to an out-of-towner that's how it goes-be a MAN! we live in the 21st century=learn with him on the phone, online, webcam, etc. do what u havta do, heck-bring him along for the drive and learn on the way so as not to cause bitul torah
d) what in heaven's name kinda excuse is that? how many guys have flown, driven, etc. all over the state/country/continent to find their spouse and you think that wasn't 'uncomfortable' for them? What about me as a girl? how much less comfortable would it be for me to travel out-of-town with a bus/train/flight not be at home, etc?
OK, again-still on a rant...also there are other factors in this situation which make the above excuses NULL AND VOID but I will not discuss the other factors in detail. For now let's just use the above definitions for these past few weeks.
He's giving an explanation to free him from the responsibility of traveling, and uses his rebbeim to remove him from blame and defense against charges of wrongdoing-not even willing to travel out of town for good reason. He has no regret-as far as I'm concerned, its all a deceptive appearance-some kind of cop out-or what he calls an 'explanation' to avoid traveling and use his learning to grant him a pardon!
Have you ever heard of such excuses?