Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Abuse of "the Excuse"

I'm seriously getting annoyed with people's excuses, be it Shadchanim, singles, the 'boy's side', etc. Everyone has a different excuse and let's face it, most of them are just that-excuses. 
Either someone feels bad telling you the guy isn't interested, and they make up an excuse for him.
Or, you go out on a date and the guy takes you home early-truth is, he's bored outta his mind, but he'll make an excuse up to get you home early.
I goes on and on a vicious cycle.
What annoys me the most, is when Shadchanim make up excuses. I'm a girl-I can take it. Tell it to me straight up, which is what I tell shadchanim when I meet them/speak to them and they suggest someone. I tell them openly that I don't need excuses, they shouldn't feel bad telling me it was redd to the guy and he doesn't want it. I don't take it personally, and everyone has the right to make their own decision, whether I agree with their choice or not. But, don't under any circumstances, make excuses for people.
Most recently, I spoke with a 'new' shadchan. I gave her my whole shpiel and she told me she had numerous ideas in mind and would be in touch. She was in touch with me the next day, as promised (shock, I know) and told me the guy would pick me up that night. So I waited, and waited and waited. When I didn't hear back, I called to ask what was going on. She assured me that everything was ok, he was stuck at work and she would get back to me and it would probably be later in the evening. I firmly told her to get back to me either way-even if he couldn't take me out-but she should just get back to me with a yes, no, or time. and then I waited and waited some more. No call, no text, no email-NADA.
I felt pathetic, sitting there waiting, without even knowing anything about the supposed guy coming to take me out. In the end, I feel asleep waiting and eventually, got into my pjs and went to bed, with my cellphone. 
Sure enough-the next day, no call or text. I checked my phone every 10 minutes, but nothing. I figured I was sooo upset, but you never know what happened and give the benefit of the doubt. But not even a shameless text message apologizing.
Sure enough, a few days later, she left some kind of indirect message, when a friend of mine (who I gave her number to) called her and mentioned that she knows this shadchan was trying to set me up. The excuse she gave? She couldn't get hold of me. My friend, pushy as she is, gave her my cell number again and begged her to call me as maybe she had the wrong number. She promised she would....and here I am....still waiting....

1 comment:

  1. Hey, sorry for your bad experiences, does not sound nice at all, not very frum or even simple Jewish. I've had a fair share of Shadchan interactions, surely in this day and age the Shadchan should give you his number (or vice versa)? I'm not sure I would be prepared to go out with someone whom I had no way of direct contact (and ideally a name I can google)..

    Please do not lose faith, you will find an open honest guy and as for the excuses.. forget them and move on. I think it's a numbers game, and the best you can do is stick to the things you know best, be honest and be kind and be loving.