The last few guys who were suggested to me, I was told, were interested in going out with me, hence I received their information forwarded so I can look into them. (spoiler alert for newbie shidduch peeps-guys usually get to say 'yes' or 'no' to a girl first, as they sorta get first dibs, and that way if they say 'no' the girls feelings don't get hurt....or so they say). For each of the guys I looked into, called around, asked references, etc. there was nothing 'pulling' about them. No, I'm not picky, it's just that there wasn't one specific thing, if not more, that made them sound appealing, interesting, etc. Not that this would hold me back. The way I work-if the guy is interested and his info checks out and all sounds legit, then we go out and take it from the date onwards.
The first guy, I havta admit sounded really nerdy. I literally got bored reading his resume-it was as if I was forced to read an autobiography back in school. The second, provided a photo that, well, to be kind, made him look sorta goofy (and no, it wasn't some cute pose, or Facebook profile pic-it was just his face), and the third, well, some of the info provided sounded a bit too iffy. I wasn't sure what to do, honestly, as each of these guys gave a 'yes' but they also EACH said, they wouldn't travel to date me and that gave the 'don't make her come to NY just for me, BUT next time she plans on coming in, I would go out with her' line.
Guys-I feel that whenever someone says that, it means they're not that interested and make no effort. In my experience-if a guy is interested-he makes a move. OK, not everyone can travel, for various reasons. But the 'don't come in just for me' also sounds very noncommittal. I've been to NY for 2 hours in total for dates and I've been there for 12 hours for 1 bad date and sometimes days at a time. Yes, traveling is a pain in the butt, yes we have to do it, but as a single, we make an effort. I know that's part of my hishtadlus, no matter how long the trip (and it's a looooong trip) and how short my stay (like I said, I once drove in for a 2 hour date and then drove back). The I found out, that one guy really doesn't date out-of-towners, the other, apparently, doesn't date girls the same age as him (which we were) and the third doesn't travel at all-no matter how far/close or how serious the relationship.
So, here's my advice to the guys out there. If you're really NOT interested in a girl and don't think you can be persuaded by a date, or by seeing her even once, twice or three times-please don't bother making the girl come in. It's just a waste of your time, her time, and a big disappointment for us girls who have to take off from our jobs, our school, find replacements, pay lots money & spend lots of time traveling, not to mention physical energy, exhaustion, nerves and then getting all dolled up when there was never a chance to begin with that you'd give the shidduch a try.
Rather man up and say no, than live under the pre tense that you're being a nice guy and convincing someone you would give it a try, even though you know it's a no-go.
Give a true no, rather than a false yes.