Thursday, March 14, 2013

Pre-Pesach Dating?

Well-this is it-it's OF-F-I-C-I-A-L, it's a week and some before Pesach and the chaos has begun. From cleaning to scrubbing, cooking to shopping. Searching for recipes to searching for Chametz. Errands, errands, errands, until FINALLY seder night comes and (hopefully by then) the rush is at a pause.
And then-the calls.
"Hi, I have this AMAZING guy....just came home for Pesach.....look into it and see if you can come in to NY in the next few days..." 
That's the just of how the conversations have gone this past week. I'm sitting here thinking-MARRIAGE COMES FIRST, then I have the guilt of helping at home before Pesach ("Chessed starts in the home" & you're single, you don't have a family of your own YET, so alteast help your parents) and also the fact that it's the week before and most girls are helping with the cleaning/cooking/shopping. I feel guilty telling the Shadchanim that it's too crazy before Yom Tov, but let's face it, most guys I know are at work, or learning. On the very 'rare' occasion they are helping. I'm not saying 'guys don't help', yes they do, but as a general, they are learning/working so they cannot. At the same time, how can I possible 'push off' a Shidduch if it's being redd?
So, I've basically been ping-ponging back and forth. Can he possibly try and come here first? If not, I can try and see if I can come in, but it IS chaotic to be honest. What about Chol Hamoed is that an option? I don't want to push things off, but I'm trying to make it easier and most convenient for all, whilst at the same time helping out as much as I can and not losing momentum.
Needless to say, out of the past week's calls, I've gotten nowhere. I'm still there, the guys are still there. Everyone is still 'deciding' what to do and time is ticking....
Is this normal? Do people just push off the pre-pesach dating to post-pesach?
What would you do?


  1. No, you're right. Guys don't help :)

  2. (Head scratch) I'm not sure.

    A guy should be understanding that a week before Pesach you would be busy, and not only that since you have to take off from work for Pesach itself, can you really be out the week before as well?

    But then, yes, marriage does come first, and in my mother's case she wouldn't care if it was erev erev; she'd put me on a plane. How does you mother feel about it? I'm guessing she'd also throw you out of the house for a date.

  3. @FG: Haha! I would, or, my parents (read, mother), would make me, but I don't live at home. I'm usually home in time for bedikah though, so I'm given a floor to address.

    Flying away a week before Pesach? I can't see myself asking a girl to do that for me. That seems very unrealistic and impractical.

    Then again, it depends on the circumstances and the way you date. If you're more likely to get engaged after 7-9 dates as opposed to 2-3 months and the guy's learning in Israel then it's different than if you're in one place in America and he's somewhere else.

  4. One challenge of the Jewish lifestyle is that there are many days every year that are very hard for dating or a wedding: from the last week of Elul to the last week of Tishrei, from the week before Purim until the week after Passover, the Three Weeks, Shavuot, etc, etc, etc. By the way, centuries ago there were great Rabbis who permitted weddings during Chol HaMoed.

  5. PL-I'm laughing at your comment=my mom would do EXACTLY the same thing=NOTHING stands in the way of a Shidduch. Think it's a Hungarian thing?