At the beginning of my Shidduch stage, I never understood why/how some guys would come back after just 1 date and say no. I didn't get insulted and still don't, but unless there was a MAJOR difference of Hashkafa or looks, I just didn't get why a guy wouldn't give it a second shot-especially the ones I was actually interested in.
Then my brother put it in perspective for me. He said I talk too much.
Growing up, each of my report cards always had the comment 'sweet, great student but try and keep the talking to a minimum...talkative but learned....' I took it as a compliment. I wasn't a robot, I didn't just obey orders, I would have conversations, ask questions, speak up. After all, no one likes boring students and most people need feedback to know if they are doing a good job or are even good at their job.
So, yes, I am talkative. No, I'm not monotonous and I don't babble or psychobabble for that matter. I like talking, I just can't help it. And, as my brother so eloquently put it 'you need to be like the other girls who smile and nod throughout the date and agree to drink water'. Well, all you gentlemen out there, when you ask what I'd like to drink (for those of you who even ASK), I thought it's because I actually have a choice and not to just agree to have 'diet' or 'water'.
So, maybe I scared away the guys. Maybe I'm not the typical (ok, not maybe, but FOR SURE) Bais Yaakov, or Brooklyn type girl. I'm an out of towner, I have my own personality, opinions and I'm me.
But, where does that get me? I'm here typing up this blog and most of my classmates are married with families of their own.
So I don't get it. Can't we be who we actually are, or do we havta fake it to make it, just like the entire shidduch game? The lies, the deception, the shadchanim, the resumes, etc. Can't we have ONE thing be real=the people who we REALLY and TRULY are?
I say, be true to yourself and it will be an honest and great date. Who needs the whole blond brooklyn facade (this is JUST a stereotype). I think being unique is great, even if I do havta speak up once in a while and ask the waiter to swap the water for a regular-not diet, Coke.