Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Name Dropping

There seems to be a trend lately called 'name dropping'. Well, maybe it's not necessarily called Name Dropping, but I have named it such.
Y'see, the thing is, people see you, or hear about you, know that you're single, nebach, etc. They feel bad. They don't know what to say, how to react, or how to help. They mean well, and they do want you to be married (doesn't everyone?) and so, they do the only thing they know-they ask if you've ever heard of '____', who is a 'G-R-E-A-T' guy, etc. Technically, that's all they do. If you try to find info and call them back for some more info or for a resume, they have NOTHING. They don't 'really know him', they only 'just happened to hear about him', or 'their niece speaks very highly of him, cuz he's friends with her husband's chavrusa's cousin' and that's how it ends.
Or more likely, it ends, with you trying to find out ANYTHING about the guy, calling everyone you know to try and get information, even calling Shadchanim to ask if they know of him and to provide you with details, but no one takes the bait, no one seems to know him and those that actually MIGHT know him, don't know him well enough / feel comfortable to redd the shidduch.
So that's it folks-name dropping. The most UNhelpful way to help us singles. It's the easiest thing for all these 'passer-by' people or family or friends, they just happen to mention a name, thinking they did their chessed for the day=helping a(n older) single and they walk away and continue on with their lives. Meanwhile, you scramble everywhere just to get scraps of info.
In fact, once this yenta lady in my community called my home numerous times. Knowing that she's what we call a 'drey kopp', I ignored the phone, until luck had it that I bumped into her at the grocery and she mentioned this guy and told me to 'look into it' and see if it was for me. After hours and days of trying to get info, I was told that this boy doesn't even EXIST. No one had heard of him. I called people who lived in the area where I was told by this yenta, that he lived. People who went to the yeshiva, that I was told by this Yenta, that he attended, etc. No one even HEARD the name.
So people out there-PLEASE, don't name-drop. If you want to help, and I mean, really help out-you gotta take a stand. KNOW the person whom you are redding, or atleast have the guts to actually follow through and GET info or REDD the shidduch.


  1. I wish people would stop telling Jewish singles: “I have the PERFECT shidduch for you,” when the so-called “PERFECT shidduch” is in reality totally inappropriate and proves that the person suggesting the match does not really know you or care about you.

    Instead, it would be more truthful to say: “I have a totally random match for you; I have no reason to believe this person is appropriate for you, but I do not know what else to do.”

  2. Or what about saying, "since I know everyone is wired differently, so I'm not quite sure what would work, I'd love you to meet someone I think is a good person"?

  3. Just a note to introduce myself. I found your blog last week and so far everything I read is really good! Looking forward to your next post! (I'll keep myself busy with the old ones while I wait)

  4. Yeah, what's going on? Hope all is well.

  5. CreativityCountsJuly 4, 2012 at 6:15 PM

    Hey SOS and all the rest of you singles waiting in the wings...thought you could relate to this...

    The Waiting Game

    I have arrived at the waiting place.
    People scurry to and fro catching their trains.
    I sit and watch, for my train has not yet arrived.
    People appear so busy…
    Busy with games I haven’t been given the pieces to yet
    Why have some people been placed on the pitcher’s mound with instructions to “play a great game”
    While others sit on the bench watching and waiting for their turn at bat?
    Are those players more qualified? Better in some way?
    How does sitting on the bench ready me for the game?
    Which train has a seat with my name on it? Which roster has me listed as its starred player?
    How long will I have to wait and watch everyone embark on their journeys?
    When will it be my turn to take my golden ticket and traverse the threshold into the next stage?
    Quietly sitting in the waiting place…