Tuesday, June 12, 2012

When Shadchans are Stupid...

I was feeling a little down in my hishtadlus lately, in finding my match. Really, I mean, how much can a frum single gal actually do to help herself? I'm not talking about all the Tefilos, Segulos, etc. On the occasion I speak with Shadchanim and meet with them but I feel like I'm in a lull at the moment. Luckily, I have wonderful family who are constantly on the lookout for me, make phone calls for me, do PR for me, but I feel helpless and folks, I am a DOER, so I always feel like if I can't help myself, then...well then...
So, I took the initiative and I went to meet a Shadchan. Yes, another meeting with another Shadchan which is one for the books. For starters, she set a time to meet and I arrived perfectly on time (after rushing home from work, doing hair/makeup, etc.) For the first 10 minutes of our arranged appointment, the woman was busy fidgeting and trying to get her computer hooked up. By computer, I mean box IBM laptop circa 1990. By hooked up, I meant, someone who wanted to set up WiFi, but doesn't really actually know what WiFi was. So after a mini-education course on internet, I set it up for her (props for my iPhone hotspot) and then sat all quiet and smiley for her, ready for the 20 questions. Really, it was only 1 question: 
Shadchan: What are you looking for?
Me: In short, well, what I call a 'learner-earner' or 'earner-learner' and-
Shadchan then interrupted me as she started getting emails since she just got connected and started reading them and giving me a history on all dates she had set up that were successful and the ones which were unfortunately not successful. Really, none of my business, and I don't really care as I came to meet her for ME. Yes, for once, I was being selfish, I was doing hishtadlus to go there & meet someone who can potentially help me, but for some reason, she seemed to have been distracted. In any case, I will continue our convo below...
Shadchan: (looking up from the laptop) So, do you have any names?
Me: sorry? names? I don't understand? 
Shadchan: names of boys you want to go out with? Boys who you dated that you want to go out with again? Do you have names?
Me: oh. um, no. I was hoping you have names (duh! this is why I came, if I had names, I would've been able to figure somethin out earlier)
Shadchan then goes on telling me about more shidduch situations, singles events, etc. This goes on for about 10-15 minutes. She gets interrupted by her cellphone, and then looks back at me and:
Shadchan: do you have any questions for me?
Me: ya. Do you have any guys?
Shadchan: well, I'm just a shaliach, but I would have to look through my files and see.  
Shadchan then changes subject, tells a few more stories about shidduchim and then gets interrupted, this time by another single at her door. She quickly thanks me for coming and wishes me much hatzlacha in everything. She throws in a few lines of  'chizuk' and I leave.
Yes guys & girls, this was my hishtadlus.


  1. Wow. Not sure what to say, but I wish I could send you some ice cream or something.

  2. its no better on the guys side either. this whole system needs to be overhauled ....

    1. What do you think should be done to change it?

  3. Rabbi Steven Pruzansky said that Jewish singles should meet each other directly, not through shadchanim. I agree with him.