Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Variety is the Spice of Life

So just yesterday, I was fortunate enough to receive a few phonecalls from different people of different communities. Not only that, but the phonecalls were to actually suggest people. Talk about luck. Or, as my mom likes to say 'when it rains-it pours'.
Unfortunately, though, not ONE was on target. What I mean by that is, the callers from yesterday were people who I can't say 'don't know me', but honestly they don't. I've met them all once or twice through random events, weddings, jobs, etc. and the last time we chatted was quite a while back.
So when the first call came through regarding a boy from across the Atlantic, who is 'around the age of...' but wasn't sure exactly of his age, name, or other details, and was more modern, I was a bit hesitant. The caller even went as far as to say it was worth a try, but honestly never met the guy before.
Then came the second call, this one was same idea, but totally other end of the spectrum. A boy who is Chassidish (ultra-orthodox), but "not really, just background, ok, well, really he is, but he would go out with a 'Bais Yaakov type', or girl who is more 'with-it', like your style...' than I was like, no, nu uh, no thanks, honeybunch.
Third call was from a shadchan who had received my resume-but that deserves its very own post, based on their comments to my 'resume'.
So basically, to sum it up, I got a few calls, a few diff. types of backgrounds, religious levels, etc. and not one was even close to what I was looking for.
You're probably thinking 'well, why doesn't SOS just give it a try' or 'she's so picky, so what if it's not exactly what she's lookin for'.
But, I've got to honestly say (again), I've dated all types of men, from a bit lubavitch, to chassidish, to modern orthodox, mizrachi, YU, Yeshivish, heimish, haimish and anything in between. Yes, folks, I started off my 'dating career' very open-minded thinking 'who cares what kinda hat or kippa or yarmulka he wears, as long as he's a mentch. BUT, and yes, a bit B-U-T, because of my open-mindedness at the beginning, and of my experiences dating all these 'types' it has given me more of a sense of what I'm comfortable with, what I can handle and more importantly, what I want in a guy. So, no, I'm not being 'picky'. I just can't understand why all these people keep offering me guys who are EVERYTHING BUT what I am lookin for?!
Any ideas?


  1. I'm wondering how many shadchanim tell boys they are being too picky.

    Golly, you're not willing to go out with a guy who became more modern than his background, signifying some "iffiness" on his part, as well as no knowledge on where he stands at the moment? Gasp! You are not expressing excitement over a fellow that all you know about him is that he's male?

    Seriously, how did these shadchanim react when someone was suggested to their kids?

    Of course there are some who are probably too picky - I know a guy who turned down the girl he eventually married twice, and then happened to meet her on his own. But being required to jump on every single suggestion? Nope.

  2. be more specific and firm. And unfortunately realise, the Shadchanim are going to push and push.

    And you're going to get a bunch of not right offers. Just the way it works.

  3. I feel you. I've dated all diff types of guys thinking, "he's nice, so the details don't matter" but let's face it - unless you figure out what you need/are looking for, you'll end up dating everyone or dating for a long time for no reason - wasting your and the guy's time. Sometimes, picky ain't bad - it narrows things down and helps you focus instead of aimless wandering. Like this comment. I want a cookie.