Sunday, June 6, 2010

In Someone Else's Shoes...

Everyone has their 'specifics' and by that I mean 'specific requirements' of what they are looking for in a mate. What they want/don't want, what they like/don't like, what 'type' they are looking for, etc.
Now as much as people say singles are being 'picky', I still believe that everyone is entitled to their 'specific(s)' of what they are looking for. No, we won't necessarily get that, but we are at least allowed to 'want' or 'like' or 'need' that 'type'.
In any case, I have my 'specifics' and one of them was once brought up at one of our meals. You know the type of barbecue where you invite your close family friends and eventually you get talking about stuff.....Well, we were once sitting around after a nice meal and talking about shidduchim. When I came into the picture, I was saying that I wouldn't go out with someone of a 'specific type' for numerous reasons (while waiting to get attacked), and lo and behold, our family friends TOTALLY agreed and thought it was most reasonable. In fact, they got so far as to sorta 'advise' us (being that they married off a few children) not to go out with anyone of that 'specific type'. At the same time, I should mention that they have experience with 'that specific type' as well, so even if I WAS interested in 'that type', I would still listen to their advice as I trust this family.

So, it's now months, if not years later and we meet up and start talking about the latest news in town, catching up on Mazel Tovs, which brings the topic to shidduchim, which in turn brings the conversation to yours truly. Next thing I know, this woman wants to know if the rumors she heard about me are true. I honestly, didn't know what she was talking about (lately, I haven't received any kugels) and was curious about which rumors. She said she heard that I wasn't interested in dating boys of 'that specific type'. well, DUH! we discussed this already, why is that new news, and why is that a rumor? it's 100% true, she heard it from me=the source, ages ago! When I admit that this is true, she starts going on telling me how I shouldn't close my options, etc.

So, here I am thinkin, what's up with this woman?
a) we discussed this already
b) it ain't no rumor, she heard it from me
c) AND she agreed, even more so=ADVISED me to stay away from 'that type'
So what suddenly changed?!!?

Luckily, at that point, someone else joined the conversation, who I had nothing to do with and being that this someone just walked in, she changed the topic TOTALLY-which allowed me to storm off and clear my mind.

Seriously? If I had the chance I would've told this woman to take her own advice. Would she allow her children to date that 'specific type'? Hell no! She even told me not to date that 'specific' so why now is she telling me I'm knocking off my options?

Easy for people to give you advice (after they married their kids) but would they trade shoes and take their own advice!? That's the ten million dollar question I have for all these 'well-meaning' people.


  1. I'm very curious...what this type is? or what type of type? physical? religious sect? family/country? education/career? criminal record/drug rehab--cause i totally get that one, but im very curious about what else the it could be.

  2. Im curious too lol.....although I have a guess, if it's about people who have had broken engagements ? Cuz you could prob see both sides.

  3. Did any of "this type" marry into this woman's family? Then it would make sense that she's backtracking. Happens to me all the time.

  4. Anon: I can't be specific on type so as not to give it away (in this day and age of internet...) but the only thing close enough to use as a description would be 'marital troubles in the family or divorced parents'.
    DLW: thanks for your encouragement
    Anon: ok, broken engagements is sorta close enough to be on the spectrum, but not the 'specific type' I'm referring to.
    Data: this woman wouldn't go NEAR 'this type'. Altho I do get what ur saying about happening 2 u all the time