Yet again, I was pushed into going out with some guy, just because 'he was redd to me before' so it MUST mean something...
Honestly, the reason I didn't go out with him in the first place was because it WASN'T shayach, but this shadchan wouldn't take no for an answer.
So, I did what any girl in my position would do at this point-I did my research. I called references, asked around, checked him out online. There was no good reason to say "no". After all, he sounded like every other guy I called about....he was 'nice'. Somehow, though, based on everything I found out, I knew I wouldn't last more than 2 hours...but then again, my parents always tell me to stop being so negative.
And so, the date began.
It was, as I suspected, horrendous! From the moment the guy showed up (think Peewee Herman) until he finally got the hint to unlock his cardoors outside my house, and let me run off, I was simply mortified. No, folks, this is NOT an exageration. I was truly embarrassed-especially, since this gentleman decided to go out for supper. At the most busiest restaurant in town, where EVERYONE would experience my embarrassment.
And so it was.
Of course, all the tables were full, and with no reservation we were to stand at the front of the restaurant and wait until a table was cleared for us. Of course, everyone in the restaurant tried not to stare, but with us looking like the most oddest couple, and him dressing like a clown, I couldn't blame them. Luckily, a table emptied and we were squished between two parties of 10-elbow room only. I hid in my menu for as long as I could. I tried feigning every possible know sickness, but this guy was a foodie. He ordered most of the items on the menu (which of course couldn't possibly fit on our 2x2 table, and therefore would be served in courses, with 10 minute intervals in between each dish, extending this most awkward date to the longest possible time) and I literally just watched while he ate. Being a foodie, you would think he had manners, but no, this guy wasn't shy. He talked with his mouth full, grabbed across the table to the items he couldn't reach, used his fingers and double dipped! The girls at the right side of me were hiding their laughter, and I'm sure one of them took a pic of us. The family of 10 celebrating a birthday on the left, suddenly quieted down as they saw the array of dishes heading my way. The guy I was with, stopped talking each time the waiter appeared, to check out the dish.
I was thinking of spelling SOS with the sweet sauce on the right, but it was too watered down. Perhaps ketchup would be more effective?
Finally, I turned around and noticed, after this had dragged on for quite some time, that the entire restaurant was empty! We were the only ones still there and it was past closing time. This guy seriously couldn't get the hint. The waiters were snickering, and at last-they chose one brave waiter to come by with the cheque=MY hero!
When he stopped his car outside my home, he kept his doors locked, not allowing me to leave, and forcing me to listen to him talk on and on and on like a granma. I yawned like a thousand times until finally I heard the 'click' of the doors unlock. I grabbed my handbag, thanked him and RAN up the stairs to my house without looking back.
The only good thing about the date was coming home past midnight and spending time with my good friends Ben& Jerrys.
Oh mom, in case you ever come across this post=we need more ice cream :)