Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Chronic "Forwarder"

There's this woman in my neighborhood who is always trying to help everyone out. I truly believe that she is a well-meaning individual, really I do. The thing is, when someone like her, who is such a kindhearted woman, tries to set you up with anyone and everyone she hears about and you have to turn them down-it sorta gets complicated.
I also forgot to mention that this woman became a member on one of the many Shidduch websites and each time there is a boy in the age category of my age, she sends it to me. It's as if the only thing she looks at before forwarding the information is the guy's age. Everything else listed can be totally off but she still sends it. I am quite surprised as this has been going on for months and I try and be very polite, sometimes in my emails/texts and explain to her why the resume is not shayach hoping that she will keep this reasoning for future. But she doesn't.....and the forwards keep coming.
What's worse is that a few weeks back, I received a profile of this guy who was suggested to me already but that no one ever got back to me about=meaning it was a 'no' on his part. I wrote to her stating this and asked if perhaps she can find out more information about him or if he indeed said no, etc. She didn't want to do anything, she explained she felt 'uncomfortable' and asked to perhaps give my information over to the head of the website and for me to add myself and pay membership and speak to the person in charge.
So her way of helping me is to forward emails and that's it. She will not check into anything, or contact anyone or follow up. Just forward.
Sheesh. How do I deal with people like this?


  1. The woman who does this with me is actually the sweetest woman alive, which makes it a little more complicated.

    She's kind, she's lovely, woodland creatures would twitter about her, but she just doesn't have the, er, acumen to screen guys. She joined an organization and indiscriminately emails me guys' profiles, and I would find it churlish if I didn't reply, but I am constantly in the negative.

    Some of these guys' information is so insane I just can't comprehend how someone could be so sweet as to not notice. Like "I want a girl between the ages of 21 and 25, between 5'1 and 5'5—he's 30.

    So when I received the least objectionable of the lot I said okay, and it turned out to be one of the worst nights in my life. She felt terrible. But the fact is that the shidduch system originally wasn't about selling strangers, it was about meeting someone and selling them from a place of, at least, acquaintance.

    To be a shadchan, there has to be an element of grit, that one won't feel squeamish about "following up." I'm squeamish. That's why I'm not a shadchan, though I have pathetically tried.

  2. Rabbi Simcha Bunim, born 1898 CE, died 1992 CE:
    I was a smoker, and with me it was not for gashmius.
    When I found out that it was harmful, I promptly discontinued it.

    Rabbi Simcha Bunim Alter was the fifth Rebbe of Ger from 1977 CE to 1992 CE.
    He was known as the Lev Simcha after the works he authored.

    SOURCE: Jewish Action: Magazine of the Orthodox Union, Spring 1995 CE, page 7