Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Unique Shidduch Reference

Over the past few years I've had to change some of my shidduch references. Not because they were telling the truth, or because they moved away or changed their phone number. I changed them, well actually removed them and replaced them with other references as they were giving misinformation to people and making things up to make me look bad. I know this for a fact as people who spoke with these references and heard what they had to say about me, actually called me up infuriated and asked me to do the "right thing" and remove them from my list.
Did this upset me? Duh! These were people who I considered my close friends, confidants who knew me well and who I confided in. 
Do I have trust issues? Sure. Wouldn't anyone who had this happen to them?
Well, today folks, I've had a good kind of reference 'change' so to speak. A few days a week (when I'm lucky enough to get to work early) I stop by my local coffee shop and order my "usual" latte. I've been doing this for years and it's part of my schedule. I know the people who work there and we chat whilst the coffee is prepared, etc. The barista and I have become buddies, call each other by first name and I even get my latte prepared if they see me walk in and go into line without question. 
By random chance my mom stopped by that coffee shop today and was served by the barista. When she saw her name tag she was so excited to finally meet the person I call my buddy and introduced herself as my mom. The barista was so excited she almost clobbered my mom and told her many sweet things about me (she's just a doll of a woman!) my mom was so impressed that she called and said this barista could not stop talkin bout me. Perhaps I should add her to my list?


  1. There are certain things which are not socially acceptable, one of which is putting a non-jew as a refrence on a shidduch resume. I honestly think it would do more harm than good, unfortunatly. One thing I discovered is that having as a refrence a (now married) friend the opposite sex doesn't do much good either.

  2. Jerusalem Talmud, tractate Berachot, chapter 9, law 2, page 64A:
    The [majority of] Rabbis taught:
    [Earthquakes happen] because of machloket [feuding or conflict].