Sunday, October 20, 2013

Meet the Person You're Suggesting

I know alot of Shidduchim come about through a random Shadchan or someone who got a forwarded resume and just emailed the parties and set them up. Some Shadchanim work only if they meet you first, others will set you up only if you send them a photo. There are those who prefer to speak with you first and others who wish you to complete a form and answer specific questions.
It doesn't really matter what I prefer, I've done all of the above (not by choice, but because there IS no choice) and still get set up with Meshugenas. So what's the point of all this!?!!
Well, it finally (sorta) hit me last week when the following happened.
My bestie, Ruchie got a call for Shidduch information about me. She gave them all the info she needed and the boy's mom was very open and provided waaaayyyyy too much info about her son. The reason for this, the boy's mom explained, was in order for Ruchie to get a good picture of the type of boy her son is, and then 'pass her opinion' of if the shidduch was shayach at all or not.
Without going into detail, the boy was totally not for me at all. Ruchie explained this to the woman and then they boy politely parted ways. Later on, over coffee Ruchie explained the entire conversation for me. Something sounded familiar with the boy's name and sure enough (thanks to google) I remembered the name! Why you ask?
Years ago, a Shadchan called me in a state of confusion. She had received a resume of a guy and the description sounded like the type of guy I was looking for but she said she had a hunch that he was a big on the heavy side. Because of her hunch, she requested a photo and got a small, pixelated headshot. She called to ask if there was some way I would be able to find out more info, or perhaps knew someone who might know the guy to first find out if this was something I would want to pursue, but because she knows I'm so tiny, she wanted to let me know first. Sure enough, I was able to get a photo, and to be polite, the term 'heavy' was being wayyy too nice. This is why this boy's name sounded familiar-I have a picture in my head of the photo I saw of him years back.
Back to my conversation with Ruchie-when I showed her the photo of the boy-she was in extreme shock. The information she got from the mother wasn't really anything to ride home about. In fact there were a few disappointing factors, but the photo just made her more upset. Luckily, through the conversation with this boy's mom, the Shadchan's name slipped out. I was quite upset with this Shadchan for even suggesting such a guy for me, but then I found out the Shadchan never actually MET the guy in the first place.
So, in order to avoid any heartache in the future=SHADCHANIM and future 'redd'ers, please ensure to MEET the people you wish to set up before doing anything, or atleast get a photo or call references to see for yourself.


  1. Two things - One, nice Freudian slip of "big on the heavy side".
    Second, not saying it's usual, but my cousin (who is about 4'11", and >100lbs) married a guy who is about 6'8", and I won't even guess his I guess it works for some people?

  2. "nothing to WRITE home about" not ride