Saturday, April 6, 2013

Can you Describe How he Looks?

Happy Post-Pesach y'all. Hoping you're all back into the normal swing of work and non-matzah/potatoes. YAY for Shlissel Challah week :)
So now that Pesach is behind us, I am officially back on shidduch call duties, which means that any guy(s) 'redd' to me before Yom Tov, can now be looked into. Especially now with people answering their phones and not being busy with family/cooking/outings, etc. 
I was a bit nervous to get back into the swing of things, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right? (or as my frummie friends put it 'we have to do our Hishtadlus'). I did some research and tried to call some people, but I wasn't getting anywhere. Turns out no one knew this guy and the ones who did, haven't been in touch with him for years, etc. I wasn't feeling comfortable about the whole thing, until one reference mentioned that the guy knew 'so & so', who also happens to be a relative of mine. Ding, ding, ding,-we have a winner. I thanked Hashem for that reference's moment of verbal diarrhea and quickly dialed my relative. Grant you, we haven't been in touch in ages, but 'bound by blood' is better than none, right?
Anyway unfortunately for me, the relatives didn't really know the guy at all, only saw him once, which was a pity as they couldn't really answer any of my questions, nor tell me alot about the guy. I was frustrated but then I realized-even if they only saw this guy ONCE, atleast they can tell me how he looks. So, I did what any girl would do in my situation-I asked if they can tell me how he looks?
The answer I got, and I quote you all 'he has two arms & two legs-he's a guy'
Was I disappointed? VERY
Should I be concerned? perhaps
Now, why is it that people can't just say 'short/tall, skinny/fat, hair/bald, etc.' I'm not asking for a detailed description going from eye color, to weight, to waste size. Just a small sum up. Sheesh! I know there are some men (& very few women) who canNOT for the life of them describe people-those I don't even ask. But I figured, both of these relatives saw him, just once, they knew who I was asking about-what is the big deal?
or maybe I should be happy the guy has all his limbs intact?
Should I have asked if he was a cross-dresser or do you think that's a bit too much?

Help me out here fellow singles, am I insane or is it so hard to describe how a guy looks?!?


  1. We all look the same. I'd imagine we're not that dissimilar to penguins.

  2. When my grandmother would describe a gal who wasn't pretty, she would say, "a maidel in a kleidel" - a girl in a dress.

    I wonder if "two arms and two legs" is a male equivalent :D

    But in all seriousness, the relatives may not really remember and don't know what to say. I've never asked about looks because everyone says "good looking" even if he should wear a bag over his head . . . one doesn't know anything until one goes out.

  3. You should THANK HASHEM that the guy has all his limbs intact. Seriously!

    Sometimes I walk along the street and I see people who are missing pieces of their bodies; Rabbi Avigdor Miller ZTL said that when you see someone like that, you should THANK HASHEM for giving you a complete body with no missing pieces. I have actually thanked G_d for this, many times.

  4. FrumGeek-ha! you remind me of the story when a woman was trying to point out a boy at a wedding to the shadchan by the mechitza, 'can't you see him?', she said, 'he's the guy in the dark suit with the white shirt dancing in the middle'
    Princess-we have this joke in my family. Most guys I was set up with, I was told were 'good looking' and I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Oh-and then there are the people who say 'he's blue-eyed, blond haired-sooo good looking'. Face it folks-not everyone who has blue eyes and blond hair are good looking. I can send you pix to prove it!

  5. In the world of Orthodox Jewish dating, there should be no parental involvement and no matchmakers; just single Jewish men directly approaching single Jewish women.

    Orthodox Jewish singles must be allowed to meet each other directly and speak to each other directly and plan their dates directly and make marriage proposals directly.

    We must eliminate the stigma attached to “talking to girls” and “talking to boys.”
    We must eliminate parental involvement and grandparental involvement and matchmakers.

    Yes, I know and greatly respect what the Talmud says about this; but it simply does not work for most American Jews, and it never will.
    Getting Jewish singles married is much more important than vainly struggling to fulfill all the customs practiced by Jews 20 centuries ago [which I respect greatly] or 5 centuries ago [which I also respect greatly].