Monday, April 22, 2013

It's all How You REact

There are times in the Shidduch world, when it's hard to understand a person you are dating. To me, dating seems mostly 'fake'. I mean, c'mon, how many married couples do you see having a 'date-night' (without having to make a whole official Facebook statement informing the world that they are out on a date night)? How many married men do you see rushing to the passenger door to hold it open for their wife to get in? And aside from the marrieds, dating is all about being on your best behaviour. Personally, unless you are a really intimidating guy, I'm usually comfortable being just 'myself' on a date. Of course, I'll be extra polite and make sure not to say any bad words or do something crazy like break out into song/dance, but mostly I can just be who I really am. The problem is, how can you tell if a guy is really 'acting' like himself, or just 'acting' on his best behaviour?

I've heard from people, and it does say in the Torah, that one way to see if someone is really acting or not is to get them mad ("בכעסו"). I've never actually gotten to the point where I've tried it out, but it IS true. I once remember driving into the Big Apple for a date. I had  been out with a guy I think twice before-he came to my hometown and now I was going to his. We had set a time when he would pick me up, but my ride was delayed due to travel issues, kids, gas stops, etc. I didn't want to worry him and/or make him rush for nothing so I would call every few hours to let him know where I was. By the time we arrived in New York, there was MAD standstill traffic=rush hour! I felt bad but what could I do? This was totally out of my hands, I had left on time, I was ready (albeit exHAUSTED from the trip) but we were stuck. It was Min Hashamayim as the guy called me up and was soooo upset that I got to see a whole other side of him. He must've felt comfortable being 'himself' and telling me off for the whole situation. Then he went on to explain that I should've known there would be traffic and now the whole night would be ruined and even if we would postpone the date about an hour, then the reservations wouldn't be held, and parking would be difficult, etc. To be honest, I don't remember the specifics. I only recall sitting in a squished van and being utterly disappointed. All the effort, the time, the travel-he wasn't worried about my trip, or me for the matter. He didn't even ask if maybe after such a long day I would be too tired or not have enough time to get ready-he just went on a rant. And that folks, is how I knew there wouldn't be another date.
That's what proved that it's not only how one 'acts' on a date, but also how one 'reacts'. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi SOS,

    I cant find an email for u listed on your blog, so im posting a comment instead. Ive read your blog for a while (Ive usually commented as anon). Based on the way u come across on your blog, I was thinking of a friend of mine for u. Thing is, I have no idea how old u are (and quite frankly really dont want to know, I dont want to get any of ur personal info) and therefore dont know if its shayach. Hes 34. Would that work? If yes, my email is posted on my blog. Please contact me and Il give u his name and someone u can call re him and u can take it from there.