Monday, July 23, 2012

Where are the Boys Hiding?!

I was reading Frumanista's post today, which reminded me of that time I met with the Shadchan and was asked the same thing.
It seems that these days more and more people are asking ME, the SINGLE for names of boys. They also ask the typical 'is there anyone you dated that you think may be worth another try?' which is my most *FAVORITE* (sarcasm/rolling eyes) of all questions. 
'WOMAN/MAN!' I feel like yelling at them, 'if there WAS someone who was worth another try, would I even BE speaking/meeting with you?!'
But, I guess 'the people' out there are right, along with the media and all those claiming the crisis is due to many more single girls than guys.
I remember once that a very well-known and successful Shadchan was in town. I called a friend of mine to tell her and asked her if she wanted to arrange for an appointment (misery loves company). She was glad that I told her and she went along and set up a meeting. I went the day before and it was the usual 5 minute Jewish geography, followed by the 'boys don't usually like dating 'out-of-towner's' and with that I left her my resume and photo, but all in all, she seemed polite and gave me her full 5 minutes of attention.
My friend called me the next night hysterical. Literally, I couldn't tell if she was flipping out, laughing or crying, heck, she probably was all three at the same time. I went over to her house, trying to figure out what was going on, I mean, seriously, how BAD/GOOD can a meeting with a Shadchan be already?! When she finally calmed down she told me that she asked the Shadchan how many boys she has on her list. The Shadchan told her 'just two' and then asked if she had anyone for her to add.
So, you can understand the pain this girl went through, the time she took to mentally/emotionally prepare herself. The effort in putting herself together (hair, makeup=girls y'all know the drill). The nerves leading up to her given time to meet and then finally, the guts to actually put herself out there and ask the Shadchan, a most famous Shadchan who is claimed to have been very successful and then to hear she has only two boys. Basically, this girl didn't stand a chance. ok, I know I shouldn't say that, cuz y'never know and perhaps the Shadchan would've met a boy after, but you understand where she was coming from and how she figured her chances were close to nill.
Baruch Hashem this friend got married a while back and all is Bashert.

I just don't understand why I keep getting told that there are soooo many great guys out there and sooo many single boys at these so-called 'events' and meeting with Shadchanim, but then WHERE ARE THEY?


  1. Wait, did the shadchanit only know two guys where you live, or did she only know two guys total? If the second case, where was she from?

  2. Hi. I'm right here. Stop your search!

    But yeah, this is one of the things I hate about our system...

  3. Just to clarify, I don't believe that women outnumber men. I certainly believe that everything is bashert, there is a man for every women, etc, just when people claim to be helpful by organizing "events" when they don't have any attendees seem to be quite a stretch.

    And who says this woman is a hotshot shadchan? Every one that I have met was really wanting.

  4. Anon-she only knew 2 guys in total AND she was from NY!
    WM-tell us about yourself-u never know where a Shidduch will come from...maybe this will be the first Shidduch made on a blog!
    Princess-I don't believe so either, but from my last few experiences, I'm beginning to sorta almost agree. As for the woman being a hotshot-y'know how it is, e.g. 'she just made her 118th shidduch', 'she knows ALL the people', 'you should meet her', etc.

  5. I'm starting to think "shadchanim" release that sort of misinformation themselves to boost their own name . . .

  6. i know of another shidduch made from a blog this is the link u can check it out , the guy was following her blog and liked it and decided to email her and now they are bh happilt married so u never know!!! and i also heard of a similar story of another blog i forgot the name of the same thing happening a shidduch came to her through her blog and she ismarried!!! so u never know

  7. There are lots of single Jewish men who the average girl “frum” girl will not date: Sephardim, Baalei Teshuvah, sincere gerim, short men, poor men, men without college degrees, men who work instead of learn full time, etc, etc, etc...

  8. To Mr. Cohen:

    Whaaaaat!!! Could you please tell me what wrong is with a sephardic guy ?!? I am sephardic and B'H happy with shidduchim. I am not getting that many suggestions (and I turn down many; I am very picky), but some of those who I was out with, were not only AVERAGE persons, but actually AMAZING ladies (just not for me). I am pretty sure that is true with others (sephardim,Baalei Teshuvah, sincere gerim, short men, poor men,....)

    I should stop reading these comments. It just makes me self-conscious.